Where She Went

“Back then I never worried about guarding my words”

Adam’s fame means that he lost an anonymity he cherished, but also the ability to speak freely. Everyone supposedly wants to hear what he has to say, but they only want him to say certain things. 

“Some of us have to work for a living, you prissy, temperamental ass!”

A reporter who pretends to be fascinated by Adam’s story reveals that she considers their conversation a mere job. Moreover, her adulation is obviously false, while her insults are much closer to the truth. This is why he can’t relax around people; he can never trust their motivations or sincerity. 

“But have I worked so hard?”

Everyone assumes that Adam’s success is due to his hard work. He knows that it’s a mixture of natural talent, luck, and pain. But he can’t convince people of this.

“We don’t really know how music heals the brain…but we know that it does”

Not only is music the most important link between Adam and Mia, it is ultimately what heals them both, and that makes it possible to repair their relationship.

“Mia went from being a talented player to something altogether different. In the space of five months, something magical and grotesque transformed her”

Mia’s brain injury changes her style of playing and, according to the critics, improves it. Adam is conflicted about the results. He would have rather that she remained a talented, uninjured player who didn’t have to lose her family to gain greater talent. 

“Don’t you want more than that for him?”

Adam’s mother is disappointed when, after his breakup with Mia, he wants to work at the data plant. He overhears them talking about him. Later, when he feels conflicted about his ingratitude at his own success, it’s doubly hard because he has also achieved what his mom wanted for him: more than what his parents achieved. But it’s still impossible to enjoy without Mia. 

“The shards of glass sliced into my knuckles…the shock seemed to wake something slumbering inside me. Because that was the night I picked up my guitar for the first time in a year”

Before the breakup, Adam’s songs were more relaxed. Something about pain triggers an unhappy, angry version of him that will lead the band to its greatest success. Without his pain, the band wouldn’t have progressed.

“You should quit”

When Mia sees Adam in pain because of the band, her solution is always simple: you should quit. This forces him to acknowledge that it’s not all bad. He could quit, but he’s getting something out of staying with the band, even if he can’t acknowledge it. Otherwise, he would just quit. The solution seems simple to her, even if it’s complex to him. 

“It was like all I had going for me was a pretty face”

Bryn has her own version of Adam’s torment. She is a talented, beautiful actress, but there is more substance to her than that. And yet, no one cares that she has greater depths. They insist that she be the pretty face, the stunning actress, and are not interested in who she really is.

“Ever hear the one about that dog that spent its life chasing cars and finally caught one—and had no idea what to do with it? I’m that dog”

Without Mia, Adam is basically a collection of appetites. He is always trying to fill the void she left, but he knows this chase that can never give him what he really needs. 

“Rock star. The words are so full of smoke and mirrors that it’s impossible to find a real person behind them. But I am a rock star”

Rock stars are defined by other people and elevated to their status by crowds. Accepting the label means allowing oneself to be defined by others.

“A lot of my fantasies involve the ways in which Mia grovels for my forgiveness”

Adam misses Mia terribly, but he’s also angry at her. This is part of what has kept him from trying to find her and reconnect: he wants answers, and isn’t entirely sure he can get them without being vindictive and cruel. 

“Stop assuming. I’m still me”

Adam is willing to be labeled a rock star—and accept all of the assumptions that come with the title—by everyone except Mia. He needs her to know that he hasn’t changed. No one else believes him, but he needs her to know that there are still parts of him that are real.

“The faculty here will coddle you because of what you went through. I, however, am of the opinion that if we do that, the car crash might as well have killed you, too, because we will smother your talent”

One of Mia’s professors refuses to nurture her pain at the expense of her musical development. This is the moment when she truly dedicates herself to becoming the player that critics call “otherworldly.” Without struggle, she never would have achieved her potential as a musician. 

“I guess Bryn understood, like I understood, like everyone who knew me understood, that in spite of his bad-boy rep, Adam Wilde does as he’s told”

The contrast between the devil-may-care image of the hell-raising rock star and Adam’s obedience to his handlers is ironic. He is deeply unsatisfied with playing a character he knows isn’t real.

“You couldn’t help but feel powerful and turned on, and it felt good to be so obviously wanted again”

Despite the loss of Mia, Adam is not immune to the charms of other women on the road, especially when they make a point of being available. But these are hollow, superficial pleasures that never reach anything like the quality of his bond with Mia.

“You’re a total freak. But you’re my freak”

Adam never tells Mia that she isn’t unusual. Rather, he insists that their respective uniqueness is what makes them such a good fit for each other. They may always be freaks, but they can be freaks who belong to someone. 

“I wanted to follow, but realized too late, there was nothing but air underneath my feet”

These are lyrics from Adam’s song, “Bridge.” Much of the novel is about unrealistic expectations. Naïve concepts of happiness and success, when achieved, may still be unfulfilling. A meaningful life is not a list of boxes to check on a to-do list.

“I don’t want my family history being dragged through the public eye, but if that’s the price you pay for doing what you love, I guess I’ll pay it”

Mia does not want her family history to become part of her public story. But the thought of it happening would never be enough for her to stop performing. She loves her art in a way that Adam does not love his own—at least, the version of it he creates with his band.

“Closure. I loathe that word. Bryn loves it. Shrinks love it”

Adam only hates the word closure because he doesn’t believe that it’s possible for him to find it.

“I needed someone to hate. And you’re the one I love the most, so it fell to you”

Loving someone means knowing them well enough to learn their vulnerabilities. This is why people who love each other can wound each other more deeply than people with shallower bonds. 

“It’s my turn to see you through”

As they reconcile, Mia admits that she did not care for him in the way he deserved. Her separation from him was cold and abrupt. Now, so he can get what he needs from his life, she will take her turn being his support. 

“If I’m not forgiven, then at least I’m understood”

Adam tells the band why he’s leaving and why he has been so difficult. As long as they understand—something he has never been willing to help them do—he can live with the consequences. He is now working from a place of integrity.