What the Fireflies Knew

“The sun was coming in at the window warm and bright; the orchard on the slope below the house was in a bridal flush of pinky-white bloom, hummed over by a myriad of bees. I roll the new words over my tongue slow like dripping honey. Myriad, myriad, myriad. Orchard, what is an orchard? Bridal flush of pinky-white bloom. Sometimes I try to use words like in my book, but when I do Nia teases me, saying I don’t even know what I’m talking bout. But even if me and Anne don’t look the same, we can still talk the same and be alike in other ways.”

KB quotes lines from Anne of Green Gables, showing the importance of reading books about girlhood as she tries to understand her own life. She identifies with Anne, showing her belief that race need not be an impediment in her efforts to use the book as a primer on girlhood, yet her misunderstanding of Anne’s world (such as the “orchard” setting) anticipates the intersectional ideas that Harris will approach in the novel in relation to age, gender, race, and class.

“For a second, I feel like I’m back in that rotten basement again. First Daddy, now Momma. I squeeze my eyes shut and imagine myself leaving one day, instead of always being left behind. But even this makes me feel sad. I wanna cry again, but I stretch my face into a cracked smile, like Momma. I been cryin’ or trying not to cry since the day Daddy died. Not no more. If Momma can fake a smile when she wants to cry, so can I.”

When KB connects finding her father’s body to standing there as her mother leaves her, Harris portrays the impact of trauma on how KB experiences life. Harris represents a psychological flashback using the potent word “rotten,” making the experience a sensory one. Her initial refusal to display her emotions shows that she has learned some ways of dealing with trauma that the novel presents are unhealthy.

“With my book in hand for inspiration, I try to see Granddaddy’s world the way Anne would. Everything comes alive as I find the right words to describe what I see. I tread through a patch of mud that covers my sandaled feet. Granddaddy’s house is nestled right in the middle of a quiet street, with towering trees and only a handful of houses on either side. I imagine I’m an explorer at the start of a mysterious journey. Kinda scared and full of questions.”

One source of stability and comfort for KB is nature. Her description of nature in this passage shows how important books and texts are to her understanding of the world. The idea of herself as an explorer shows that these books make her feel more empowered despite being a child. Harris uses metafictional techniques to present these ideas: KB imagines herself as a character in a story, which she is.

“All I do know is from what I hear other kids say. It ain’t ever happened to me, but some kids at school say that white people sometimes do mean things to them just for being Black, like yell at them or call them names. But I wasn’t ever really sure what to believe, since Momma never told me nothin’ bout racism, and the one time I tried to ask Nia, she opened and closed her mouth once, then twice, before telling me to shut up and leave her alone.’”

KB lacks an understanding of racism as a force that constrains her choices and influences how people see her. The reasons for her innocence in this matter is that adults and Nia refuse to teach her about racism. Rather than protecting her, this lack of knowledge leaves her unprepared for racism when she finally encounters it. She knows that knowledge of racism is important, so she admits her ignorance in order to get Granddaddy to tell her more. Harris turns Granddaddy into a sage character who helps KB come of age in this regard.

“Sometimes, when you wanna speed up, you gotta slow down first. I feel the gentle tug of the breeze around my arms and find myself back in the field. ‘Thank you,’ I whisper into the wind. I pretend the words are smoke, watch as they spiral up past the stars to catch a kiss from Daddy, then back down to Granddaddy […] Maybe one day he’ll come around, I wish, just like Marilla.”

KB’s growing maturity is apparent in her ability to use critical thinking to make the connection between what her grandfather and father taught her. This passage also shows the lack of emotional safety she feels at first in her grandfather’s house and the importance of books in helping her to deal with this issue. Harris equally uses italics to quote from KB’s books and her family’s advice, suggesting that each are treated as texts by KB from which to draw wisdom.

“Maybe Momma really is just like Janie, tryna take control for herself instead of always being controlled. This reminds me of the idea I got during Bible study, which makes me realize, I’m kinda like Janie, too. The whole book long, Janie was tryna find a way for herself, and now I’m tryna do the same.”

Their Eyes Were Watching God gives KB another text to understand her life. She also incorporates the Bible as another such text. Her identification with Janie and her discussion of how Janie is like her mother show her understanding of how gender and race can shape one’s identity.

“‘It’s you.’ She says it so sweet that I almost forget to be insulted. Almost. I look back down at the picture, at the too-big lips, thick nose, and nappy hair. Is this how I look to her? I force myself to smile cause I don’t want her to feel bad.”

Charlotte’s ugly rendering of KB is a symbol for racism. KB’s reaction is a polite one that centers Charlotte’s feelings for the sake of gaining friendship. This reaction shows that KB still lacks the language and maturity to muster an effective response to racism when she experiences it.

“Seems like all grown-ups lie to kids, just cause they can. But Nia ain’t always used to hide stuff from me. Back when we used to be best friends, before she started trying so hard to act like a grown-up, all her secrets were mine. She’d whisper them in my ear at the dinner table, and we’d hide laughs between bites. I don’t know when exactly Nia started to act different, or why.”

KB doesn’t know that Nia has changed because Nia is keeping secret the ill treatment she received from the girls’ father. Secrets in this case damage the girls’ ability to support each other during a time of trouble. KB’s classification of Nia as a near-adult who lies shows KB’s growing awareness of the imperfection of adults and highlights the juxtaposition between their out-of-sync development.

“I finally have the answer, and I don’t know what to say. When Momma was ten? I think bout losing Momma now, when I’m ten, and suddenly the throat lump is even bigger. Losing Daddy wasn’t no easy thing, but losing Momma? No wonder Momma never talks bout Granny. I bet the lump in her throat is so big by now that she couldn’t even squeeze out the words if she tried. I open the photo album again and flip to my favorite picture, with Momma and the doll. It looks so different now, even though I’m looking through the same eyes. But different, somehow.”

KB’s re-imagining of her mother as a child who has lost a mother is a key moment of coming of age. Her empathy for her mother shows that she is capable of understanding her mother as a person who has griefs and wounds just like KB.

“I feel like I can still fix it. I can help Momma and Granddaddy be happy again. Take pictures together and hug each other tight. I already lost my daddy; I can’t stand the thought of Momma losing hers, too.”

After learning that her mother also lost her mother and doesn’t have a good relationship with KB’s grandfather, KB believes that she can fix the problem. Harris highlights the adultification of KB in this passage; KB’s belief is a testament to her sense that she must assume roles usually reserved for adults. This is reinforced through the parallel between her relationship with her father and the relationship between her mother and grandfather.

“The house is brown everywhere but red on the roof and door, with greener grass and cleaner windows than all the other houses. And a chimney that looks like it makes real smoke. This is the house where the white kids live.”

This picture-perfect house helps KB to understand that Bobby and Charlotte are more affluent than Granddaddy and much more affluent than KB. She only learns later that Bobby and Charlotte’s family life is far from perfect. Her attention to the house shows her increased awareness of class and race. This is one example in the novel in which Harris uses setting to highlight systemic inequality.

“‘Everybody ain’t got a home,’ I whisper, even though he’s already gone. I sit at the bottom of the seesaw, butt to the dirt. Hear the roar of a lawn mower somewhere, and the ding-ding-ding of a fire alarm or bell or kitchen oven timer saying, Dinner’s done. Bury the hum of voices calling out to me beneath the buzz of a bee and the tiny whistle the wind makes when the swing pushes back and forth. Untie and tie my shoes. Once. Twice, then three times; still, I feel the weight of their questions pressing down on my chest.”

The dense imagery here is drawn both from the domestic sphere and nature. KB tries to ignore the domestic imagery by listening to the natural imagery. Doing that is how she attempts to process her family’s lack of a house and Bobby and Charlotte’s difference from her. She feels the burden of their assumptions about class but still doesn’t have language or strategies to deal with how they see her and how she sees herself.

“The first tongue kiss I’m gon’ ever see up close is this one, between my sister and our cousin. With too much spit and not enough light. Maybe with more light, they might see me. But they just keep kissing, like they forgot bout hide-and-seek and forgot bout me. Jesse’s hand leaves Nia’s waist. Finds the top of her dress, pulls it down. Finds the bottom of her dress, pulls it up. Tiny sounds like squeaks escape from Nia’s kissing mouth. I don’t know what happens next, not even in the movies. This is the part where Momma always covers my eyes.”

KB’s open eyes reflect her dawning awareness of the power of sex. She knows what a “tongue kiss” is, but she doesn’t know what it looks like. The lack of her mother by her side shows her awareness that she needs an adult guide to help her understand what she sees. This scene also marks the moment when she realizes that her notion of sexuality is missing some dimension.

“In my head, Nia kisses Jesse with her wet mouth, letting him lift the skirt of her dress til her panties show. Tiny purple patterns the only thing left to cover that ‘thing’ Momma always tells us we gotta protect. Don’t look like Nia wanna protect hers, though, cause in my mind, the boy’s starting to blur the patterns with his greedy fingers.”

KB has flashbacks to the encounter between Nia and their cousin. She feels traumatized by what she saw. Nia’s actions serve as a counter-text to the little information that her mother gave her about sex. Her effort to reconcile Nia’s actions and what her mother advised signals her coming of age.

“‘Love,’ he replies, looking right in my eyes now. ‘Bout your age is when it really starts gettin’ tricky. You start gettin’ all these new thoughts and feelings, and you just wanna act on all of ’em, all the time. But you gotta remember, don’t everybody got your best interest in mind. So before you go sneaking around with any of these nappy-headed boys, you gotta figure out what it is that you want. And then you do that, and nothin’ more.’”

Granddaddy fills the gap in KB’s understanding of sex and love by teaching her that they are complicated and by giving her information on the importance of boundaries and consent. His lesson makes him one of the adults who is willing to tell her the truth about “the secret” of sex. This talk is another important moment of coming of age. His looking “right in [KB’s] eyes” is significant since it rectifies her mother covering her eyes earlier in the novel.

“I’m done with secrets, and I’m done with Nia.”

KB’s anger at her sister boils over when Nia begs her to keep Nia’s encounter at the barbeque a secret. Secrets and lies damage the girls’ relationship in this instance. KB’s tone is largely monosyllabic in contrast to the lyrical descriptions of nature that appear elsewhere in the novel. The reality of her current world is hence juxtaposed with the storybook picturesqueness about which she reads.

“But I think he does, cause then he pulls me so close he can touch me like he wants. And he does. Touches me and touches me. I wanna scream, but I know it won’t matter cause I ran away from anybody that might care. Instead, I watch a half-smushed fly, dying on the edge of the dumpster. The fly raises his wing, waves it at the other flies. But they all just keep buzzing around the trash, unbothered.”

This scene includes Rondell’s sexual assault on KB. KB disassociates and freezes; Harris therefore presents common responses during sexual assault. The image of the wounded fly left behind by the others is natural imagery that reflects KB’s sense of being alone and unprotected during the assault. This moment diminishes KB’s belief that adults can protect her and that she is capable of protecting herself.

“She says family background like they bad words, almost like the police officers on the day Daddy died, when they called him a fiend. All these words that other people use to label us, to decide who we are, who we gon’ be.”

KB is finally able to name the racism and classism that shape Charlotte, Bobby, and their mother’s perspective on who she is. Connecting the woman’s labeling of KB with the police’s labeling of KB’s father shows her awareness of racism and class inequality as expressions of structural forces that have the potential to constrain her choices. She gains a greater understanding of her social identity.

“She shared her secret with me, so I’m sharing my secret with her. This way, we ain’t gotta be alone.”

KB renews her trust in her sister by making herself vulnerable to her. She views exposing secrets as a key to restoring their relationship and thereby reducing her sense of isolation.

“I just want you to know that…nobody’s perfect. Not even the people who you want to be perfect. Need to be perfect. Even those people are going to make mistakes. And it’s up to us, the ones who get hurt, to decide what’s going to happen after that.”

Jacquee’s advice to her daughter shows that she acknowledges her daughter’s coming of age and believes now is the time to pass on important life lessons. Her statement reinforces KB’s understanding that adults are imperfect. This admission also counters the earlier lesson KB learned from her mother, which is that stoicism in the face of trauma is weakness and childishness. This passage hence also highlights Jacquee’s character development.

“I rest my hand on Nia’s thigh and squeeze, just a little, to let her know I’m proud. Maybe she ain’t get her chance to forgive Daddy, but now she got a chance to keep Momma from making the same choice. Nia’s right—daddies make mistakes. And the hurt they cause, that can’t be undone. But how they try to make up for those mistakes is important, too.”

KB’s new maturity emerges from her understanding of the imperfections of adults. Her pride in Nia demonstrates her understanding that young people can have wisdom that adults do not, especially when young people cut through the secrets and lies adults may tell to protect children. Harris presents the abilities of young people through KB’s first-person perspective to shroud this realization in childlike innocence.

“But the truth bout the little orange caterpillar crawling around the bottom of my jar is that he will have to give himself up completely before he can become something new. When he climbs into his cocoon, there won’t be nothin’ magic bout him digesting himself, then dissolving all his tissues til he’s nothin’. Only then can he become something else.”

KB’s actions show her self-awareness that she is coming of age. While she has idealized nature throughout the novel, she now understands in a more realistic way what nature presents about change and transformation—they are painful but necessary. Her perspective on the caterpillar marks a shift in her self-identity.

“The caterpillar pushes against the edge of the jar […] He probably hates it, but it’s been his home. He ain’t have no choice bout none of it, just ended up there and had to make the best of it.”

KB implicitly compares herself to the caterpillar. The jar in this case represents KB’s understanding of the many constraints she faces. She shows a new understanding of herself as a person whose identity unfolds outside of the context of family. Like the jar, her family both limits and protects her.