Unorthodox: The Scandalous Rejection of My Hasidic Roots

As a young girl, Deborah accompanies her father as he turns on the ovens at the bakery at the end of the Sabbath, an activity she loves because she enjoys seeing how important he is regarded by the community on this day. This contrasts with his usual behavior. He usually makes mistakes in his work and is primarily pitied by the Satmar community. Unlike the community, her Bubby (i.e., grandmother) does not judge anyone, including her son. Bubby’s house is a welcoming place, as her sons and Deborah spend much of their time there. Deborah feels safe in Bubby’s kitchen, where her grandmother spends most of her time creating rich dishes from her Hungarian roots. At times, Bubby sings, although only when alone, since singing by women is usually not permitted. Deborah realizes that food is Bubby’s way of connecting; she is not interested in Deborah’s school activities. Zeidy, her grandfather, is more interested in Deborah’s work, but only so she can report she is obedient.

While at an ice-skating rink with her friend, Deborah is offered Hershey’s chocolate by a young Jewish girl, which she instantly accepts because the name of the candy has Yiddish origins (Hersh means “deer” and -ey makes it familiar). Deborah’s friend informs her that the candy is not the correct form of kosher and therefore would not be appropriate for consumption. This incident causes Deborah to consider, “How can you be Jewish and not keep kosher? I wonder. How can you know the aleph-bet but still eat Hershey’s chocolate? Doesn’t she know any better?” (31).

Before living with Bubby and Zeidy, Deborah lived with Aunt Chaya, whom she strongly disliked. Occasionally, Deborah helps Aunt Chaya trap and kill mice, a task which Aunt Chaya does with skill but Deborah avoids because she does not like killing things. Deborah recalls Zeidy using this as an example of misplaced compassion, which is antithetical to the Chinuch—raising children according to the Torah in a strict, judgmental, and watchful manner. Deborah recalls how all her family members were watchful and judgmental of her.

Deborah meets a new psychiatrist after the last one told Aunt Chaya what Deborah said in the appointment. In her first meeting together, the psychiatrist tells Deborah that her enneagram test places her as an “individualist.” Deborah is frustrated that the doctor tries to place her in a box and leaves the session early, wondering why she cannot be more naturally modest and conforming. After the appointment, she follows a “forbidden” urge to go to a public library. Deborah finds solace in books, especially the stories about children who are misunderstood only to find their place later in life. She enjoys reading in English, even though Zeidy does not encourage it.

She feels out of place at school, where the principal is her Aunt Chaya, and the classes are boring. One day, she pretends to see a mouse in the classroom so there can be excitement and a pause in the lessons. She realizes that acting is her “power” and she will “act so convincingly that no one will ever be able to discover the truth” (41). She recognizes that she and Bubby have secrets, one of which is they like to keep books in the house from Zeidy. One of these books is an English-language Talmud, which is forbidden for women to read in their community. As Deborah secretly reads the book, she realizes this is a turning point in her life. She learns not to accept authority but to question things.

One day, she neglects to put on a shirt under her sweater in the rush of the morning, disobeying a new rule to enforce girls’ modesty. She is relieved that she is sent home to change, so she can avoid more of her classes. When she returns, she sits through several lessons concerning the importance of women’s modesty. At the end of the day, Deborah is relieved to leave school, finally feeling free on the streets.

Although Zeidy is a businessman, Deborah remarks that money is spent frugally in her grandparents’ household. Zeidy believes it is important not to embarrass oneself before God with consumerist desires. Deborah contrasts this concern with embarrassment with the potential embarrassment that her father and uncle Baruch bring to her grandparents and the Satmar community. Deborah explains that Baruch, who was originally considered gifted, was eventually diagnosed with schizophrenia. To hide Baruch from the community and prevent gossip, Zeidy locked his son in the house, ultimately causing more damage to his mental health.

As Deborah matures, she continues to participate in activities that she believes the Satmar community would judge her for. She secretly visits a local Jewish bookstore outside of the Satmar community, where she finds books in Yiddish that are not deemed appropriate. From these books, her world is opened to new ways of thinking.

Bubby and Zeidy host a Passover seder for their relatives. The whole family attends, and Zeidy recalls his time in the Hungarian Army during World War II. As he talks about the importance of freedom by sharing the same story that everyone has heard before, Deborah remarks that Bubby’s story was not known since she did not talk about it as openly. Bubby lost her family to the concentration camps, and she almost died of typhus.

While Zeidy ensures his family follows thrifty spending habits including himself, Bubby made sure her daughters were fashionable when they were growing up; in fact, she would memorize how the expensive dresses in department stores were sewn before returning home and making them herself. Deborah wishes Bubby would make her dresses, since she wears second-hand clothes, but she knows Bubby gave up sewing as she became older.

In the spring, the men of the Satmar community attend the anti-Zionist Parade in New York because they believe that the state of Israel was created by man, not God. It is the duty of the Jewish people to wait for God. Deborah also questions blindly agreeing to things, wondering why she should agree to ideas just because other people believe them.

Deborah’s cousin Moshe comes to stay with Bubby and Zeidy for a few weeks during the summer. While Zeidy scolds him for talking to girls, Deborah and Moshe embark on activities such as prank calling and secretly cooking marshmallows together, even though the rules state that men and women who are not married cannot be alone with each other even if they are family. During these weeks, a boy from outside the Satmar community touches Deborah inappropriately in a store. She tells the shopkeeper, but he does not come to her aid. She grapples with telling Zeidy and ultimately decides not to since she believes the inappropriate touching is somehow her fault.

One evening at dinner, Zeidy instructs Deborah and Mosche to go down to the cellar together, where Mosche attempts to rape her. She manages to break free from him and decides not to say anything to her family. Eventually, a marriage match is found for Mosche, and the potential wife calls Deborah to ask about his character. When Deborah speaks poorly of him, Zeidy angrily questions her. She tells Aunt Chaya about the event, and the match is canceled; instead, Mosche is given an undesirable match with a girl in Israel.

When Deborah begins her first menstrual cycle, Bubby tells her to keep it secret from others. She attends summer camp aware of her maturing body and embraces her summer in the Catskills mountains as “a time for mischief” (107). However, she still compares her differences with everyone else: she is unable to tan like the rest of the girls; she receives only a minuscule part in the play; and her family sends her only small care packages.

She also experiences changes in her relationships with the girls in the camp. Rumors go around of girls who spend time in private with each other, which Deborah does not understand. One day, she and her friend Golda go off together for the afternoon. Hours later, they are approached by the camp’s directors who question the girls’ motive for desiring privacy. Deborah and Golda realize they are being scrutinized for some act, but they cannot figure out what. At the end of camp, a swarm of flies invades the grounds, ultimately causing Deborah’s face to swell as a reaction. She wonders if this is a punishment from God for her disobedience. Upon returning home, she purchases a new book, A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, where she finds similarities between herself and the book’s protagonist. She resolves to leave Brooklyn one day and explore the world.