Touching Spirit Bear

The totem pole continues to be a worthwhile project for Cole, as well as a way for him to express his story, his past, and the hopes he has for who he will become. He finishes the eagle—representing strength and pride—and decides he will carve a wolf next. Cole also spends time hiding out in waiting for the Spirit Bear, but it does not appear. One day, as he is sitting in the pond, a beaver swims up to him. Cole attempts to grab it, “betraying the beaver’s trust” (134), and decides in his regret to do the beaver dance that night. It leads him to learn that beavers possess “persistence, patience, and ingenuity” (134). Cole decides to carve a beaver head on his totem pole. As the days pass and Edwin visits, Cole wonders how he can truly heal and become “invisible” enough to spot the Spirit Bear again. Although he tried to do the anger dance once, it did not feel right, and Edwin warns him he is not ready. Cole reserves a place at the bottom of his totem pole for his anger and continues his search for healing and the bear.

One night, Cole realizes that “to be invisible, he [has] to clear his mind” (137). He knows that the day the Spirit Bear let him touch it, he was in a helpless state. Cole ponders the way that animals rely on instincts and wonders how much people miss while caught up in petty thoughts.

The next morning, Cole gets his rain jacket and goes to the shore. He sits between two rocks and attempts to clear his mind, making him invisible to himself. He lets himself feel the rain fully, breathing deeply and “feeling the rhythm of the world around him, an endless rhythm where time disappeared” (137). Past, present, and future mix together, and Cole awakes from what feels like a deep sleep. Way down the shore, he sees the Spirit Bear gazing back at him patiently. He begins to feel as if he is one with nature, and when the Spirit Bear disappears, Cole still feels its presence. He walks back to camp feeling revived.

That night, Cole feels ready for the dance of anger. He stokes his fire and then gets up in a rage, yelling and punching at a nearby tree and imaginary enemies. He kicks at the fire, sending embers all over the camp, and feels as though the world around him is challenging him to give up. He does not, dancing longer than he ever has before. He feels the storm that killed the sparrows and nearly him, he walks to the shore and heaves a large rock into the bay, screaming, “I’m sorry! [...] Please forgive me! I didn’t mean to hurt Peter!” (139). Cole cries and spins amongst the embers and fire pit. He punches the tree as hard as he can, apologizing this time to himself and finally yelling that he forgives himself. Afterwards, he feels satisfied and the dance ends. In the darkness, something is watching him.

The next day, Cole awakes and goes to carve the anger dance into his totem pole. He needs something to show that he has healed and learned to forgive people who have wronged him, including himself. Realizing he needs time to think, he leaves it for later. When Edwin comes by a couple of days later, Cole explains that the anger dance taught him forgiveness, which he realized gives him control of his own life. He confesses that until he finds a way to help Peter, he cannot carve his final totem. Edwin notes that Cole cannot find a way to help Peter, he could help someone else instead.

Cole continues carving totems, including a raven, a seal, a salmon, and a sparrow, but he leaves the bottom space empty. Edwin visits less and less, seeming bothered by something. Cole sees the Spirit Bear now and again, but as fall comes, the bear appears less often. In the winter, the winds are harsh and Cole spends most of his time inside his cabin. He cannot carve without his hands going numb, he cannot go to the pond, and eventually he stops carrying his rock as well. Cole feels lonely, especially at night, and he longs to talk to someone. He wonders about his family and about Peter, who Edwin says is “growing more bitter and depressed, hardly talking to anyone” (143). Cole finds himself spending more time reading, asking Edwin to bring him books to pass the time and doing his schoolwork whenever he has some.

One day in March, Edwin visits and tells Cole that Peter tried to die by suicide. Peter is heavily medicated and feels worthless. Edwin is angry at Cole, which opens up old wounds and makes Cole feel guilty for his mistake. He tells Cole that he must find a way to help Peter. Cole wants Peter to come to the island so he can heal and maybe even see the Spirit Bear; however, he thinks Peter would never agree to it. Edwin does not want to listen at first, but when Peter tries to end his life again, Edwin comes back to the island, desperate for any solution.

Cole tells Edwin that Peter should come to the island and that Edwin should stay to make sure Peter feels comfortable with it. Edwin is reluctant, wondering how much Cole has really changed and healed. He believes in Cole, though, and agrees to see if he can arrange for it to happen. Edwin leaves the island, and days go by as Cole wonders whether Peter will show up or not.

Two weeks later, Edwin comes back with Peter and his parents, as well as Garvey. Peter initially remains on the boat, afraid of Cole, but when Cole backs off, Peter finally comes down, slowly walking alongside his parents. Garvey is going to stay with the boys while Edwin goes to fish. Peter’s parents plan to stay until they are certain that Peter will be cared for and safe. Peter remains silent as Cole explains his experiences on the island and everything he has learned. Cole also shows them the pond where he soaks and the ancestor rock. He explains the dances he has performed and the totem pole. He confesses his reason for not carving the final design on his totem pole, expressing how he must help Peter heal first. Peter responds with anger and confusion, saying, “Leave me alone […] I don’t want your help!” (154).

Cole prepares a feast of hot dogs and spaghetti that night and explains the importance of the at.óow. Peter does not eat and refuses to sleep in the cabin or anywhere near Cole. He instead sleeps in the boat with his parents. The next morning, Peter’s father takes Cole aside and warns him never to hurt his son again. He and his wife then leave, and Cole attempts to share a Snickers with Peter, who refuses the gesture. Cole leaves the bar near Peter and notices later that he ate it.

The next morning, Cole goes to soak; Garvey and Peter accompany him and sit nearby. Then they watch Cole roll his ancestor rock (although Cole offers it to Peter, he refuses). Days pass and Peter’s attitude seems not to change at all, and “when he ate or walked, he moved zombielike, in slow motion” (159). Two weeks into Peter’s stay, he decides in silence to push the rock. Cole compliments his push, but Peter remains silent. Over the next few days, Peter starts throwing rocks and bumping into Cole on purpose. Then, in a sudden change of attitude, Peter attempts to soak in the pond but does not last more than a few seconds. Afterward, he asks Cole a question about his soaks, wondering how he can stay in the pond so long. Cole knows that Peter is very slowly coming around. One night during a particularly bad storm, Peter comes to Cole in his tent and asks if he wants to come into the cabin instead.

Cole does not hesitate to accept Pete’s invitation. Peter eyes Cole cautiously as he enters, and Cole makes him some hot chocolate. Peter asks about seeing the Spirit Bear and says that he does not believe it exists. Cole assures him that he will see it eventually. Cole thanks Peter for letting him into the cabin, and Peter replies, “It doesn’t mean we’re friends” (163).

Over the next few days, Peter’s passive-aggressive actions continue; he muddies Cole’s sleeping bag, purposely freezes Cole inside the cabin, and eventually destroys Cole’s bear carving on his totem pole. Cole resists the temptation to lash out and instead talks to Peter. He asks Peter to leave him alone, and Peter acts as if he has a right to treat Cole that way. Cole suggests that Peter try making his own totem. Peter reluctantly agrees and asks Cole for advice on carvings. Cole explains that all animals can teach people something and that Peter should carve whatever animals he sees and learns from. That night, Cole tries to show Peter how to do animal dances by doing a mouse dance. When he is finished, he learns that mice are “persistent and bold” (164). Garvey takes his turn as well. When it is Peter’s turn, he attempts the dance but afterward feels embarrassed and runs into the cabin.

The next day, Cole carves a mouse where his bear carving once was. Peter comes out and joins him, carving his own mouse. Peter’s carving is realistic and immaculate, impressing Cole. Peter asks to be alone, so Garvey and Cole go off searching for whales. When they return, Peter has carved a brand-new bear on Cole’s totem for him. Cole is grateful and asks Peter to teach him to carve so well. Peter agrees.

Summer arrives and one morning Peter decides he wants to go to the pond with Cole. Garvey ensures they are emotionally ready to be alone together before letting them head off. They silently walk to the pond, and as they reach it, Cole professes that he wants to be Peter’s friend. Peter denies his request, accusing Cole of wanting to hurt him. He cannot see a reason to forgive Cole and begins shoving him. Peter does not want to mend his relationship with Cole; he wants his nightmares and headaches to stop, to walk normally again, and to be able to speak like he used to. Peter pushes Cole down and begins punching him. Cole calmly tries to apologize, vowing never to hurt Peter again, but Peter continues pushing him and punching him. Cole falls to the ground as Peter kicks at him, and Cole begs him to stop. Peter urges him to fight back but finally gives up and collapses next to Cole. Peter admits he’s scared of never getting better, and Cole tries to explain that he and Peter are part of life’s circle. He realizes that by hurting Peter, he also hurt himself.

Peter cries and Cole hugs him. In that moment, the Spirit Bear appears. The boys stare at it in awe, but the Spirit Bear is gone almost as fast as it appeared. Peter cannot believe what he saw, and Cole assures him that it does not matter if anyone else believes him as long as Peter believes. The boys soak in the pond together and then each roll a stone down the hill. Back at camp Cole explains “that being invisible was being a part of life’s circle and accepting it. ‘This morning, when we forgave each other, we also forgave ourselves […] We allowed ourselves to become a part of the big circle. That’s why we saw the Spirit Bear” (171). Cole hands Peter the at.óow, telling him it is a symbol of trust and friendship, and Peter and Cole carve a perfect circle into the anger space on Cole’s totem pole.