Touching Spirit Bear

“You aren’t the only creature here. You’re part of a much bigger circle. Learn your place or you’ll have a rough time.”

Cole arrives on the island with bravado and a sense of entitlement. He does not yet understand that he is just a small piece in a much larger puzzle or that he has very little control over life or nature. Edwin’s prediction proves correct when Cole tries to escape the island, nearly freezing to death, and then is attacked by the Spirit Bear. This attack almost kills Cole, and he lies on the forest floor for hours wondering if he will live. It takes nearly dying for Cole to begin learning his place in life’s circle.

“With Cole’s laughter, hot tears escaped his reddened and angry eyes and flooded his cheeks. This banishment was the ultimate hurt—worse than his father’s fists and belt, worse than his mother’s never caring. This was the hurt of being alone and unwanted.”

After Edwin and Garvey leave Cole alone on the island, he breaks down in tears. He has always felt alone and unloved, but now those feelings rise to the surface, as he has no one to take his anger out on and nothing to distract him from his dark thoughts. He misinterprets being left on the island as abandonment, revealing Cole’s fear of being alone.

“Out across the water, on the point of shoreline near the opening of the bay, a massive white bear stood as motionless as a statue, facing him. Morning light glinted off its shiny white fur and made it glow. The bear stood patiently, proud, nose forward, ears alert.

[…]

What really angered Cole about the bear was that it stood there frozen on the shoreline without any sign of fear. It defied him. He looked around for some kind of weapon.”

This is the first time that Cole sees the Spirit Bear. He reacts with confusion and anger, wondering why the bear is not afraid of him like everyone else is. Cole feels threatened by the bear’s confidence and its apparent comfort with its surroundings. Mikaelsen employs extensive nature imagery, and in this quote he describes the appearance of the ghostlike Spirit Bear that saves Cole from destruction by first pushing him to the edge of it.

“Cole could undergo a vision quest of sorts, an extended time alone to face himself and to face the angry spirits inside of him.”

At the Healing Circle, Garvey pleads for Cole to go to the island for a year to reflect and confront everything that is hurting him. Garvey understands how the healing process works because he was once in Cole’s shoes and spent his time in jail instead. When he was released, Garvey determined to help other youth avoid the same fate. He believes that if Cole spends time isolated on the island, he will have to face everything he is afraid of and come to a place of healing and forgiveness.

“Go ahead and try it. Try manipulating a storm or lying to your hunger. Try cheating the cold.”

Cole asks Garvey why it is difficult to live on an island, and Garvey sarcastically explains his reasoning. Cole has always tried to dominate everything and everyone, and he has yet to realize that he will not be able to do that with the elements of Alaskan nature. Garvey has spent time in the wilderness and knows how hard it can be; he tries to illuminate Cole’s helplessness and vulnerability, but Cole must nearly die to see this for himself.

“A lifetime of hurt, a lifetime of proving himself, a lifetime of anger controlled his muscles now.”

When Cole confronts the Spirit Bear to try to kill it, the bear is once again completely calm and unafraid, which confuses and enrages Cole. He knows that there is nobody around to see his bravery, but Cole cannot seem to help inching toward the bear, spear in hand. He has been in the habit of proving himself to other people for so long that he cannot break it in this heated moment. This decision ends up changing Cole’s life, as the bear attacks him and brings him within inches of death.

“The bear waited calmly as if part of the landscape, like a tree or a boulder, not conceding one inch of space.”

The Spirit Bear seems to Cole almost a supernatural creature. It appears and then seems to vanish, it always remains calm and confident, and it seems at one with nature in a way even other animals are not. When Cole confronts the Spirit Bear with his spear, ready to kill it, the bear initially stares at Cole, testing him. When Cole finally moves to stab the bear, it immediately strikes him down. The bear is telling Cole that he does not control nature and is helping Cole to learn his place in the world—something Garvey and Edwin previously tried to impress on him.

“Cole’s gaze wandered in a big circle around him. All of the landscape, the air, the trees, the animals, the water, the rain, all seemed to be part of something bigger. They moved in harmony, bending and flowing, twisting and breathing, as if connected. But Cole felt alone and apart.”

As Cole lies dying in the dirt after being mauled by the Spirit Bear, he begins to understand his place in nature. Cole cannot move due to his injuries, so he simply looks around and reflects. Slowly, Cole realizes that everything around him is connected. However, it takes a long time for Cole himself to feel connected to nature or the world; it is not until he comes back to the island a second time that he fully embraces this.

“Never in his life had he felt so exposed, so vulnerable, so helpless. He had no control. To this storm, he was as insignificant as a leaf. Cole blinked in stunned realization. He had always been this weak. How could he have ever thought he truly controlled anything?”

While Cole lies injured and near death on the forest floor, the rain pelts down on him. Mosquitoes and horseflies gnaw at him and bugs crawl over him. Cole can do nothing but lie there and think. As he drifts in and out of consciousness, profound realizations strike him. He finally sees himself as a vulnerable and helpless creature, just like the baby sparrows. He looks back on his past and the way he used to view power, and he finds that he was foolish to think he could ever control the world around him.

“In death there was no control, no anger, no one to blame, no choices, no nothing. To be alive was to have a choice. The power to choose was real power, not the fake power of making others afraid. Cole knew he had used that fake power many times. All of his life he had squandered his choices, wallowing in revenge and self-pity, keeping himself down. Now, as he lay near death, those he had hated were safe and warm. Those he had blamed were still alive and well. He had hurt himself most. Life was empty and meaningless unless he found some meaning.”

Cole has another realization while he lies dying: the power of choice. Cole has always had the choice to change—to act differently than his father. Instead, he allowed himself to act out in violent rage against innocent people. He realizes that everything he has done to exact revenge on his bullies has led him nowhere but to this point. Being banished and coming close to death were his own fault—he attacked Peter, and he attacked the bear. Now, all Cole wants is to live and have the chance to do better.

“A strange thought occurred to Cole: the world was beautiful. Yes, the world was beautiful! Even the wet moss and crushed grass near his hand was beautiful. Staring at the delicate patterns, he wondered why he had never noticed this all before. How much beauty had he missed in his lifetime? How much beauty had he destroyed?”

The longer Cole lies in the dirt, the closer he becomes to it. Cole is grateful to be alive after the scariest and most painful experience of his life, and now he looks around himself, appreciating the beauty of nature. Looking back on his past, he regrets the negative mindset that caused him to hurt himself and others.

“Today things would change. From now on he would speak the truth, even if it meant going to jail. He spoke softly. ‘I don’t need to prove anything. I’m telling the truth.’”

When Cole wakes up after Edwin and Garvey rescue him, he tries to tell them that he saw the Spirit Bear. Garvey and Edwin are both skeptical, knowing the bears to live further south and not in Alaska. They also know Cole has lied in the past. Cole no longer feels like he has anything to prove, so when the men do not believe him, he decides that he is satisfied with knowing the truth himself. Cole is also proud of himself for telling the truth, as he wants to improve upon the mistakes of his past.

“Edwin had said that anger was a memory never forgotten. That might be true. But the Spirit Bear was also a memory that would never disappear from his mind or heart.”

Thanks to the lessons that Edwin has taught Cole, Cole knows he can never destroy his anger; instead, he must learn to focus on happiness, carrying his anger with him. Cole also looks back on his experiences with the Spirit Bear and knows that the Spirit Bear has changed him forever. He feels grateful to be alive and to have the honor of the bear’s trust, and he recognizes that he formed a connection he will take with him throughout life.

“After I was mauled, when I thought I was going to die, I felt like just a plant or something, like I wasn’t important. I didn’t know why I even existed. That scared me. […] I realized that I was dying and I had never really even lived. Nobody trusted me. I had never loved anybody, and nobody had ever really loved me.”

When Cole tries to explain why he deserves a second chance on the island, he sincerely reveals how he felt the day that he almost died. Lying on the ground, Cole became part of his environment, surrounded by bugs, animals, and rain . He felt insignificant and realized that he had so far wasted his life. Cole wants to forgive himself and others so that he can experience the joys of love and friendship, which give life meaning.

“Yes, it was a big deal. It was a party. It was a feast. It was a sharing and a celebration. All because that is what I made it. Yours was simply food, because that is all you chose for it to be. All of life is a hot dog. Make of it what you will. I suggest you make your time here on the island a celebration.”

Before Garvey and Edwin leave Cole on the island for the second time, Garvey imparts an important lesson. He teaches Cole that life is whatever he makes it: Cole has the choice to make meaning wherever he goes and in everything he does. Garvey demonstrates this philosophy by cutting his hot dog into three and sharing it with Cole and Edwin. He announces that they will feast together, turning an ordinary hot dog into something shared and special.

“He couldn’t stop wondering why he had been born and thinking about all the twisted events that had brought him to this moment. It seemed a bizarre dream to be standing alone on this rocky hillside in Alaska with a round stone at his feet, his mind filled with thoughts so totally different from anything he’d known running around on the streets back in Minneapolis. He felt like a new and different person.”

When Cole is on the island the second time, he learns from Edwin to soak in the freezing pond and then carry and roll the ancestor stone. All of this helps Cole release his anger and accept his past. As Cole does this, he stands at the top of the hill, looking out over the beautiful landscape. He remembers the first time he came to the island and the time before that, and he realizes how different his perspective was then. Cole is proud to be changing and making an effort to heal himself and those he has hurt.

“Standing alone on the shoreline, he couldn’t help but remember how angry he had been the last time he watched the skiff leave. This time he felt only fear, and he admitted it. His palms were sweaty, and his throat tightened. If he screwed things up this time, there would be no next time.”

When Cole watches Edwin and Garvey leave, he reflects on how much he has changed since the last time this happened. When the pair left Cole on the island the first time, he was angry and terrified of being alone. Now, Cole no longer feels angry, and he is not really afraid to be alone; instead, Cole is afraid that he will ruin his last chance at redemption. Cole’s priorities have changed, and his main concern is now making sure that he uses his time on the island as fully and wisely as possible.

“Indians don’t own the trees or the right to carve. Carve anything you want. Your totem is your story, your search, and your past. Everybody has their own. That’s why you carve. That’s why you dance the dances. That’s why you live life—to discover and create your own story.”

Cole asks Edwin if he is allowed to carve a totem pole despite not being Indigenous. Edwin chuckles and answers that his culture does not own the art of totem carving. Creating a totem pole is a way to express a story, and this is something that anyone can do. Whenever Cole sees an animal on the island, he dances the dance of that animal at night. The next day, Cole carves the animal onto his totem pole. Each creature possesses a unique set of traits that Cole either aspires to or that has inspired Cole’s healing.

“At first they felt like his own tears of anger and fear. Then he breathed more deeply, feeling the rhythm of the world around him, an endless rhythm where time disappeared. As the past, present, and future became one, the droplets on Cole’s cheeks dripped to the ground, melting into the landscape to which they belonged.”

When Cole is finally ready, he performs the most important dance of all: the dance of anger. It takes months for Cole to build up to this moment, and when it finally happens, Cole releases everything that he has ever felt, dancing out every bit of anger, every feeling of sadness or abandonment, in the heat of the fire. Cole loses himself in the rhythm and spirituality of the act and finds himself overcome with emotion. He becomes one with the world around him, connected to and comforted by the nature that he came from.

“Moving back to the fire, he spun among the dying embers on the ground with a graceful motion, gently kicking the larger coals back together. One by one he returned the scattered chunks to the fire pit, each piece becoming a part of his dance and a part of his healing.”

As Cole dances the dance of anger around the fire, he is overcome by passion and a sense of release. As he relives each traumatic moment of his past, he lets it go. Cole kicks the embers of the fire out of the fire, releasing his anger, and then kicks them back in again as if to complete a circle. Cole’s dance merges with the fire and the embers, and as he connects with each burning piece of wood, he comes one small step closer to healing.

“I’ve learned from every animal I’ve carved.”

It is Cole’s idea for Peter to come to the island. Cole believes that Peter can heal on the island like he himself did, and he also wants desperately to help Peter do that. Cole teaches Peter about totem carving and the importance of learning from the animals who live on the island, just as Edwin and Garvey taught him months before. Cole learns a unique and important lesson from each animal, including the importance of choice from the sparrows and the power of persistence and patience from the beaver.

“I’m part of some big circle that I don’t understand. And so are you. Life, death, good and bad, everything is part of that circle. When I hurt you, I hurt myself, too. I don’t think I’ll ever heal from what I did to you, but I’m sorry, Peter.”

As Peter is beating up Cole, taking his rage out on him and hoping to push him into fighting back, Cole does not let himself succumb to anger. Instead, he shows Peter patience and compassion, understanding exactly how he feels. Cole now immensely regrets his violence against Peter, and he knows that he and Peter are connected (as everything is). When Cole hurt Peter, he also hurt himself; by helping Peter heal, he helps himself heal as well.

“It doesn’t matter what other people think or believe […] It’s what you believe. That’s what’s important.”

After Peter and Cole see the Spirit Bear, Peter wonders if anyone will believe them. Cole has been through this before, however, and he knows that it does not matter if anyone believes them or not. He has nothing to prove to anyone, and he is trying to impart that wisdom to Peter. All that matters for Peter and Cole is that they saw the bear, and what it meant to them.