Too Much and Never Enough

“Though nothing Donald did surprised me, the speed and volume with which he started inflicting his worst impulses on the country—from lying about the crowd size at the inauguration and whining about how poorly he was treated to rolling back environmental protections, targeting the Affordable Care Act in order to take affordable health care away from millions of people, and enacting his racist Muslim ban—overwhelmed me.”

Trump addresses some of the most controversial policies her uncle enacted as president and admits that they did not surprise her. She also brings up one of the most earliest incidents of dishonesty in Donald’s presidency, which took place on the very day he took office. He claimed that media representations of how many people attended his inauguration were incorrect. Even though videos of the crowd proved his accusations to be false, he continued to obsess about the size of the crowd. While the author establishes that the reason for such behavior is due to psychological issues stemming from his upbringing, this is what the author is referring to when she writes that he started inflicting his worst impulses on the country.

“The more Fred Trump had, the better he was. If he gave something to someone else, that person would be worth more and he less. He would pass that attitude on to Donald in spades.”

In Chapter 1, Trump examines The Long-term Impacts of Family Dynamics that existed between her grandparents and her aunts and uncles when they were young. She explains that to fully understand her uncle, Donald, one needs a thorough understanding of how he was raised. She makes the case that Donald’s erratic behavior and personality traits came directly from his father, who viewed his aggressiveness, bullying, selfishness, and disrespectfulness as strong, desirable traits when he was young.

“Ideally, the rules at home reflect the rules of society, so when children go out into the world, they generally know how to behave. When kids go to school, they’re supposed to know that they shouldn’t take other children’s toys and they’re not supposed to hit or tease other children. Donald didn’t understand any of that because the rules in the House, at least as they applied to the boys—be tough at all costs, lying is okay, admitting you’re wrong or apologizing is weakness—clashed with the rules he encountered at school.”

Continuing her assessment of the damage that Fred Trump Sr. did to his children, the author explains that Fred’s worldview concerning how people—and especially men—should behave had a profound impact on how his son, Donald, acts to this very day. According to the author, Fred’s fundamental belief was that in life “there could only be one winner and everybody else is a loser” (43). This belief precludes the notion of sharing and that kindness is weakness.

“Parents always have different effects on their children, no matter the dynamics of the family, but for the Trump children, the effects of Fred and Mary’s particular pathologies on their offspring were extreme.”

In Chapter 3, Trump examines the disadvantages that each of her aunts and uncles faced because of their parents’ pathologies. She explains that the oldest child, Maryanne, faced the dilemma of being ambitious in a misogynistic family, while her father, Freddy, needed to be a different person altogether, and Donald faced problems because his combative, rigid persona developed “in order to shield him from the terror of his early abandonment” (50-51).

“What Freddy achieved in the cockpit made him unique in the Trump family. None of Fred’s other children would accomplish so much entirely on their own.”

In Chapter 4, Trump examines her father’s career as a pilot and the resulting backlash that he faced from Fred Sr. for choosing to do something besides work for his development company. She explains that each of the other children achieved their success by virtue of their father, and that is especially true with Donald. She writes that “Donald was enabled from the beginning, every one of his projects funded and supported by Fred and then by a myriad of other enablers right up to the present” (60).

“Fred made Freddy miserable, but Freddy’s need for his father’s approval seemed to intensify after Marblehead and even more after the demise of Steeplechase. He’d do whatever his father told him to do in the hope of gaining his acceptance. Whether he realized it consciously or not, it would never be granted.”

Although Freddy had initially been expected to become his father’s right-hand man and eventually succeed him, it was clear from the beginning that Freddy did not possess the superficial qualities that his father wanted in an heir. Once Freddy quit the family business in order to follow his dream of flying, Fred Sr. began to punish him because he saw it as a betrayal. The more that Fred Sr. punished him, the more it seemed to drive Freddy to seek his approval.

“From his first day on the job, my twenty-two-year-old uncle was given more respect and perks and paid more money than my father ever had been.”

Trump is once again reiterating her point that Donald, rather than Freddy, was Fred Sr.’s choice to become his right-hand man, and virtually every decision that was made concerning Donald’s advancement was a form of punishment toward Freddy because he had chosen years earlier to follow his dream of becoming a pilot.

“Not only did Fred and Donald share traits and dislikes, they had the ease of equals, something Freddy could never achieve with his father.”

Trump explains that unlike Donald, her father had a wider view of the world because he had belonged to organizations and groups that exposed him different people and different opinions. Freddy also differed from Donald and Fred Sr. in that other pursuits were more important to him than money. Fred Sr. and Donald were both narrow in their beliefs and interests, primarily concerned furthering their wealth and making a larger name for Trump Management.

“When Freddy (in 1960) and Donald (in 1968) joined Trump Management, each had a similar expectation: to become their father’s right-hand man and then succeed him. They had, in different ways and at different times, been groomed to fit the part, never lacking for funds to buy expensive clothes and luxury cars. The similarities ended there.”

Trump is reiterating the point that she had made through earlier portions of the book, that her father was the original choice of heir, but Donald later became their father’s favorite because Fred Sr. admired his arrogant demeanor. A similar point that Trump reiterates throughout the book is that her father and Donald were very different people, and Fred chose the son who had qualities similar to his own.

“Whatever wealth my father had was by then entirely theoretical. Either his access to his trust funds had been blocked, or he had stopped thinking he had any rights to his own money. Thwarted one way or the other, he was at his father’s mercy.”

In Chapter 7, Trump contrasts the respective life trajectories of her father and Donald, pointing out that in 1973 Donald and Ivana were living in a $10 million penthouse while her father was living alone in a small apartment. She also points out that her father actually owned a 15% share in some Trump buildings, one of which he was living in.

“When Donald hitched his fortunes to the likes of Roy Cohn, the only things he had going for him were Fred’s largesse and a carefully cultivated but delusional belief in his own brilliance and superiority.”

When Donald began rubbing elbows with the elites of Manhattan in the 1970s, they had a belief that he was indeed a self-made businessman. This false belief was made possible both because Fred Sr. wanted it to be the case and because Donald carried himself with a specific brand of confidence in his own abilities, forged by his father.

“My brother, who had always been so much better at negotiating the family than I was, had dared tell the truth. I admired his honesty but also felt jealous that he seemed to have so many more good memories of my father than I did.”

At the close of Chapter 8, Trump describes the scene at her father’s funeral in which her brother, who was a college student at the time, gave a eulogy. He referred to his father as the “black sheep” of the family, which elicited some gasps from the guests, but gave the author a sense of recognition and vindication.

“In Atlantic City, he had become unmoored from his need for his father’s approval or permission. He no longer needed to talk himself up; his exaggerated assessment of himself was simultaneously fueled and validated by banks that were throwing hundreds of millions of dollars at him and a media that lavished him with attention and unwarranted praise.”

When Donald began opening casinos, it represented the first time that he would either fail or succeed on his own, without his father’s money and clout. His unnatural flair for self-promotion was initially necessary in New York, but he by then had accumulated fame, so banks willingly gave him enormous loans and media gave him publicity. He now belonged to the banks and media because he “was both enabled by and dependent upon them,” just as he had been with his father (138).

“Everyone in my family experienced a strange combination of privilege and neglect. Although I had all of the material things I needed—and luxuries such as private schools and summer camp—there was a purposely built in idea of uncertainty that any of it would last. By the same token, there was the sometimes dispiriting and sometimes devastating sense that nothing any of us did really mattered or, worse, that we didn’t matter—only Donald did.”

Trump is referring to an anecdote she includes in Chapter 9 in which her apartment was burgled while in college and she asked for an advance on her allowance in order to replace a typewriter, but her grandfather refused, saying that she should instead get a job. When her grandmother then offered her money to replace the item, she got a call from the family’s lawyer explaining that her grandfather was upset because she asked for money. The anecdote reiterates the lesson her grandfather instilled in his children: that asking for anything indicates weakness.

“Whatever had once tied them together, Fred’s remaining sons had given up all pretense of caring what their father thought or wanted. Having served his father’s purpose, Donald now treated him with contempt, as if his mental decline were somehow his own fault. Fred had treated his oldest son and his alcoholism the same way, so Donald’s attitude wasn’t surprising.”

Earlier, in the book, Trump explained that her grandfather had scolded her father about his alcohol addiction, as if it were not a chronic disease, but rather a question of willpower. Now that Fred had a disorder that was out of his control, Donald and Robert acted the same way toward him.

“Donald loved comeback stories, and he understood that the deeper the hole you crawled out of, the better billing your triumphant comeback would get.”

Trump is referring to an anecdote she includes about the first time that she met Melania. She had gone to a party at Donald’s penthouse and arrived before any of the guests, and when Donald introduced her, he said that she had dropped out of college and developed substance use disorder. When Mary Trump explained that she had never used drugs, Donald smiled at her as if to suggest that that he knew he was embellishing the story because it sounded better. He wanted the story to include that he had been her savior somehow, despite the fact that in reality, she had only dropped out for a semester and retuned to earn a master’s degree.

“My grandfather had every right to change his will as he saw fit. My aunts and uncles had every right to follow his instructions to the letter, despite the fact that none of them deserved their share of Fred’s fortune any more than my father did. If not for an accident of birth, none of them would have been a multimillionaire.”

Fred had done many things to punish Freddy over the years because he was disappointed in his choice to become a pilot. Altering his will was another step in that direction, meant to punish from even after his death, but ultimately, he only punished Freddy’s children.

“After a month of sitting on the couch, scrolling through Twitter with the news constantly on in the background, I watched in real time as Donald shredded norms, endangered alliances, and trod upon the vulnerable. The only thing about it that surprised me was the increasing number of people willing to enable him.”

Trump is referring to her ultimate decision to help The New York Times reporter Susanne Craig in uncovering the family’s possibly fraudulent and illegal business dealings. She was initially approached and asked to help, but she refused. However, she changed her mind because she saw “our democracy disintegrating and people’s lives unraveling because of [her] uncle’s policies” (186).

“When I finally realized that my grandfather didn’t care what I accomplished or contributed and that my own unrealistic expectations were paralyzing me, I still felt that only a grand gesture would set it right. It wasn’t enough for me to volunteer at an organization helping Syrian refugees; I had to take Donald down.”

Referring once again to her decision to help Susanne Craig, Trump was concerned about the risk that she was taking because she knew how vindictive her aunts and uncles were. She ultimately chose to disregard that concern and help because she realized that her life and accomplishments did not matter to them anyway and because anything that they might do to her “would pale in comparison to what they’d already done” (188).

“Donald was to my grandfather what the border wall has been for Donald: a vanity project funded at the expense of more worthy pursuits.”

In Chapter 14, Trump examines Donald’s psychological issues and how they came to be so severe. Her belief is that Fred Sr. created those issues by funding him and bailing him out to cultivate his image as a great businessman, which in turn propped up his false sense of accomplishment. She makes the analogy that Fred Sr. doing this was precisely what Donald had planned to do with his ill-conceived plan to build a wall on the southern border.

“The more money my grandfather threw at Donald, the more confidence Donald had, which led him to pursue bigger and riskier projects, which led to greater failures, forcing Fred to step in with more help. By continuing to enable Donald, my grandfather kept making him worse: more needy for media attention and free money, more self-aggrandizing and delusional about his ‘greatness.’”

Once again, Trump is referring to how her grandfather created the narcissistic and sociopathic personality traits that Donald possesses and displays. It was essentially a cycle in which Fred Sr. bailed Donald out and funded him; Donald, in turn, held the false belief that he had accomplished his achievements on his own. This ultimately led to the situation in which Donald was the president and forced to deal with serious issues, but his supporters, advisors, and other elected officials were only concerned about advancing their own agendas, thus leading them to bolster his ego to achieve their own goals.

“Donald’s need for affirmation is so great that he doesn’t seem to notice that the largest group of his supporters are people he wouldn’t condescend to be seen with outside of a rally. His deep-seated insecurities have created in him a black hole of need that constantly requires the light of compliments that disappears as soon as he’s soaked it in.”

In Chapter 14, Trump assesses the psychological traits Donald has possessed since his youth and ties them to his performance as president. She argues that “Donald today is much as he was at three years old: incapable of growing, learning, or evolving, unable to regulate his emotions, moderate his responses, or take in and synthesize information” (197). One of the most notable aspects of Donald’s rise to the presidency was the fact that his strongest support came from economically disadvantaged and rural voters, the very types of people whom he had openly mocked for years previously.

“Although more powerful people put Donald into the institutions that have shielded him since the very beginning, it’s people weaker than he is who are keeping him there.”

Similar to the previous passage, Trump is referring to the fact that Donald’s strongest supporters are people with relatively little power who have, for whatever reason, decided to ignore the fact that not only is he unfit for the job, but also that he does not respect them. However, she also alludes to the fact that it was powerful people who put him into the various positions of power that he has attained.