Things We Hide From the Light

The next morning, Lina joins her 70-something neighbor Mrs. Tweedy and other retired women for a dance workout at the gym. The workout is surprisingly extreme, and Lina is just beginning to regret coming when she sees Nash working out with weights. All she feels is “molten hot need” (115), but, overcome by the workout, Lina collapses to the floor. As he gives her water, Nash asks if Lina can watch Piper that night while he has drinks with her brother and their high school buddy Lucian Rollins. Lina agrees and promises herself to be showered, made-up, and not sticky with sweat.

That night Nash heads to the Honky Tonk to meet his brother, shadowed by Agent Nolan. After a few rounds, Knox cautions his brother against falling too quickly for Lina, who never stays in one place for long. Talk moves on to the whereabouts of Duncan Hugo and the threat he poses, given his attempt to kill Nash. Knox asks about psychological counseling, but Nash dismisses “the idea of spilling your guts to a stranger” (125). When Nash heads home across the street, however, he begins to feel the familiar twinges of an anxiety attack: tightness in his chest, shallow breathing, and heavy sweating. Unable to control it, he curls up in a tight ball in front of the apartment complex.

Returning from walking Piper, Lina finds Nash on the ground, sweating and shivering. Lina helps him into his apartment: “Bullet wounds and panic attacks,” she thinks, “Nash Morgan is a hot mess” (134). Unused to having a man need her help, Lina responds with herbal tea and quiet music. They sort of cuddle on her sofa, Lina feeling Nash, “warm and solid” (139). In a moment of honesty, Lina tells Nash that when she was 15 she nearly died from cardiac arrest during a soccer game. She was diagnosed with a defective heart valve, which was corrected with surgery, but she still gets harmless flutters that remind her of her near-brush with death. Nash invites Lina to stay the night: “The closer I am to you, the easier it is to breathe” (145).

Setting ground rules—no nudity, no loose hands, no snuggling—the two settle into bed. When Nash, wearing only boxers, emerges from the shower, Lina is shaken by “hot need” (146).

Lina wakens from the middle of a “delicious” (150) sex dream to find that Nash has moved over to her side. In his sleep, he buries his face in her hair. As she feels his penis along her leg, he brushes his open palm against her nipples, Lina unexpectedly orgasms. Nash awakens, unaware of what happened.

The next morning back at work, Nash is chastising a couple of teenagers caught shoplifting from a convenience store. The owner of the convenience store confides that while Nash was laid up recovering from the gunshot wounds, there were problems with Tate Dilton, a rookie patrol cop with a reputation for going rogue. Most disturbingly, in a clear case of racial profiling, Dilton pulled over a wealthy Black couple from Washington, DC, driving an expensive luxury car.

Nash is determined to discipline Dilton, but their sit-down is tense. Dilton does not respect Nash—he sees him as weak. Nash explains that Dilton’s treatment of the Black couple could bring a major lawsuit against the department and that, pending internal investigation into other allegations Dilton, is suspended with pay. Dilton, turning in his badge and gun, nearly jumps at Nash, but Nash feels competent for the first time in a long time.

Lucian Rollins slides uninvited into Lina’s lunch booth. He cautions her about getting involved with Nash, who is emotionally vulnerable. Lucian, who works in a DC-area political consulting firm, has a network of investigators at his disposal. They are now digging to find out who Lina is and why she is in Knockemout, but Lucian already knows that she works for an insurance company and has a reputation for being “fearless to the point of reckless” (171). He also knows she spent the night with Nash. Lina is unmoved by Lucian’s bad-boy attitude and assures him that she knows much about him as well. Lucian is impressed by her moxie, but again demands she not hurt Nash “because I’d hate to have to destroy your life” (175).

Nash stops by the apartment of Xandra Rempalski, the off-duty nurse who found Nash bleeding by the side of the road and got him to the hospital. As part of his recovery, Nash believes it is important to thank the woman who saved his life. Xandra accepts his thanks: “Pay it forward, Chief” (178).

A few hours later, his arms full of grocery bags and flowers, Nash knocks at Lina’s door and offers to make dinner. He shares how empowering he felt dealing with Tate Dilton. Then he tells her about the messy confrontation he had later that afternoon with Dilton in the convenience store.

Nash admits his attraction to Lina—“I’m desperate, Angelina. I need you” (184)—and confesses that he slept last night for the first time in weeks. He asks to spend the night platonically again. Lina, intrigued by being his “emotional support bed buddy” (186), agrees.

In bed, both struggling to hold to their agreement to not have sex, they discuss their work. Then, Nash shares the story of Lucian’s arrest when they were in high school; after Lucian stood up to his abusive father, he was victimized by a racist cop. Lina tells him about their lunch visit.

When the alarm goes off in the morning, Lina finds Nash again next to her, his erection flaring. He slowly caresses her face and tells her he is going to kiss her. They share a lingering kiss when a rough knocking at the door interrupts them. It is Lucian. He wants Nash to come to breakfast; they need to talk.