There's a Boy in the Girls' Bathroom

Bradley says he’s sick, but his mom takes his temperature and says he’s fine. Claudia quips that her brother’s “bizarre,” not “normal.” Forced to go to school, Bradley ignores Jeff and his friends. Mrs. Ebbel calls him to her desk and tells him she liked his book report. Carla gave it to her, telling Mrs. Ebbel she accidentally tore it. Mrs. Ebbel gives Bradley a gold star. Bradley thinks Carla is a liar because she didn’t rip the book report—he did. After lunch, Jeff says he went to say goodbye to Carla. Carla wants to see Bradley, but Bradley hates her and doesn’t go.

It’s Saturday, and instead of cutting Bradley’s hair herself, Janet plans to take him to a real barbershop. He wants her son to look nice for Colleen’s birthday party. Bradley doesn’t want to go to the party, and he hates his mom. His dad intervenes, saying he knows his son is upset over Carla’s departure. Before his dad can reprimand him more, Bradley says he knows he has to get his haircut, so he goes with his mom. On the way there, he screams: Stop the car. He has to go to school to see Carla. They’re already at the barber shop, so Bradley has to get his haircut. He hates the look of the place and its smell—it’s like a torture chamber.

Haircut over, his mom drives him to school. He pounds on the door until Mrs. Kemp, the janitor, opens it. Bradley says he has to see Carla. Mrs. Kemp says Carla is gone. Bradley runs under her arm and into Carla’s office, where there’s an envelope for him. He takes it and opens it on the playground. Inside is the book and a letter from Carla. She didn’t mean to hurt Bradley; she hopes he attends Colleen’s birthday party. She signs the letter “I love you, Carla.”

Bradley walks home. His dad is on the front porch. He looks stern, but Bradley runs up to him and gives him an emotional hug.

Bradley tries to write a letter to Carla but doesn’t have the right words—maybe the proper words don’t exist. Ronnie the Rabbit continues to exist. The animals re-voted: They like her. Bartholomew rescued her from the quicksand. He tells her he loves her and asks her to marry him. Ronnie says yes.

At Colleen’s birthday party, the girls express horror that Bradley Chalkers is coming. They’re also scandalized that two boys are coming. Lori says it’s no big deal. The eight girls wonder if they’ll get tied to a boy for the three-legged race. Colleen wants to run the race with Jeff, but neither Jeff nor Bradley are there. Colleen is worried and on the cusp of tears. Where are the two boys?

Before Jeff comes to Bradley’s house, Bradley wears a cone-shaped party hat and changes his clothes six times. Jeff’s gift is wrapped with a bow, so Bradley tells his mom she has to wrap the gift with a bow. Janet doesn’t have a bow, and Jeff offers him his bow, but Bradley declines. He notices Jeff’s pants have a tear, so Bradley cuts a hole in his pants. Jeff wonders why Bradley is being so weird. Bradley confesses: He doesn’t know what to do at birthday parties. Jeff laughs. Bradley doesn’t need to worry but should remove the party hat.

Upon arriving at Colleen’s house, Bradley starts singing happy birthday. Jeff elbows him, and he stops. Bradley gives her his present, and she asks what it is. Bradley is about to tell her when Jeff intervenes, telling him not to say. Melinda says hi to Jeff and Bradley, and they say hi to her.

In the backyard, Bradley sits down at the picnic table. He’s the only one sitting, so he gets up, knocking over a paper cup and his chair. The girls laugh, but Amie and Dena, best friends who dress alike, pick them up. Jeff explains: First, they play games, and then they eat. Chicken, Colleen’s dog, runs outside. Colleen’s mom says Chicken is typically scared of people, but he likes Bradley.

The games start, and Bradley’s team wins the relay race. There’s a points system. The winning team gets two points, and the losing team gets one point. Colleen’s mom totals the points, and the kid with the most points gets to pick first from the basket of prizes, then the kid with the second most points, and so on. If Bradley has further questions, he can ask Betty, a fifth-grade girl at the party.

Bradley is on Betty’s team for the next relay race, and his team wins again. Colleen is always on Jeff’s team, and Bradley and Jeff can’t be on the same team, so Bradley is never on Colleen’s or Jeff’s team. Still, the games are fun. They have to hop backward and do somersaults. No one on Bradley’s team knows how to do somersaults, but he likes to watch the girls do them. They wear dresses, and he can see their underwear.

Colleen wants Jeff tied to her for the three-legged race, but her mom steps in. She doesn’t think a boy and a girl should be tied together, so Jeff and Bradley become a team. The boys fall a lot and finish third. With the games over, Colleen’s mom tallies the points. The winner is Bradley. He gets a blue ribbon that says First Place, and he gets to pick from the prize basket first, selecting a harmonica. Jeff picks last and gets a doll’s dress.

Bradley messes up the lyrics to the happy birthday song, but he eats the cake and ice cream without making a mess. Colleen opens Bradley’s gift and reads the card out loud. Bradley signed it, “Love, Bradley.” Most of the kids make fun of Bradley, but Karen calls them immature. Bradley’s gift is a replica of the human heart, and Melinda and Betty think it’s a cool present.

Bradley writes a letter to Carla. He apologizes for screaming at her and says he got a perfect score on his arithmetic test. He asks her about kindergarten and the color of her shirt today. He suggests she teach her students how to do somersaults and thanks her for giving him the book. Bradley gives Carla a present—Ronnie the Rabbit. He signs the letter “Love, Bradley.”