There's a Boy in the Girls' Bathroom

A week passes: Bradley and Jeff still haven’t entered the girls’ bathroom. Inevitably, Jeff comes up with a reason to delay the mission. Nonetheless, Bradley is happy because he has a friend. When he sees two gold stars next to Jeff’s name, Bradley is proud of him. They talk about Carla, and Jeff admits he likes her. Carla says Bradley doesn’t have to see her, but Bradley senses another trick.

A basketball bounces their way, and Jeff throws it back to Robbie, a fifth-grade boy who calls Jeff “Fishnose.” Bradley says Jeff should have kicked it onto the roof, but Jeff wonders if they’ll let them play basketball. Bradley doesn’t want to play.

Lori, Melinda, and Colleen appear, and each girl says hi to Jeff. Bradley wants to beat them up, but Jeff can’t because of homework. Bradley considers doing homework and thinks he might get a gold star. Jeff invites him over to do homework. Bradley accepts, but first, he wants to beat up the three girls.

Colleen goes to see Carla; they discuss her birthday party in November. She wants to invite Jeff, but if she invites him, she has to invite Bradley, and she doesn’t want to do that. It’s a problem, and Lori said Carla is great at solving problems, but Carla says Lori comes up with her own solutions—Carla just helps her think things out. Colleen doesn’t know what to think. Before Carla can help Colleen, her parents must sign a permission slip. Colleen says the form is stupid, but Carla says not all parents want their children speaking to counselors.

In Carla’s office, Bradley tells her why the president doesn’t wear a hat like Lincoln—the doorways aren’t high enough. Bradley says the president trusts her. Carla says she is glad Bradley trusts her, but that’s not what Bradley said: The president trusts her, not him, but he does not correct Carla.

Bradley says he and Jeff are best friends, and he doesn’t want him to make more friends. Carla says Jeff can have more friends than Bradley, but he disagrees: Nobody else will want to be friends with Jeff if Jeff is friends with him.

Bradley muses about homework—maybe it’s not so terrible. Jeff does it, and if Bradley does it, perhaps he’ll earn a gold star from Mrs. Ebbel. Jeff gets a book from his desk for homework. Bradley realizes he also needs his book, but Jeff says they can share his.

Before they can go to Jeff’s house and do homework, they have to beat up Melinda, Colleen, and Lori. Jeff tries to talk Bradley out of the plan but fails. Soon, Bradley and the girls exchange insults. They say hi to Jeff and ignore Bradley’s request for them to go away. He pushes Melinda, and she pushes him back, and he slips and falls on the damp grass. Lori laughs and says Bradley went to the bathroom in his pants. Bradley threatens to punch Melinda in the face, but Melinda punches him in the face, and he runs away.

Janet nurses her beat-up son in the bathroom, and Bradley claims four bullies beat him up after school and tore his homework. Claudia wonders if Bradley has been crying, and Bradley says it’s the rain.

Bradley plays with the animals after his mom bathes him and puts him in clean clothes. Three villains—the Two of Spades, the Nine of Hearts, and the King of Diamonds—chase Ronnie to the edge of the cliff (Bradley’s bed), but Bartholomew rescues her and beats them up, and Ronnie kisses him because he saved her life.

Claudia enters and tells Bradley their mom is making cookies and, also, he’ll have a black eye. Bradley threatens to give his big sister four black eyes before he goes to the kitchen and licks the spoon his mom uses for the cookies. His mom wants to know the names of the boys who beat him up. Bradley doesn’t know all the names but knows their leader: Jeff Fishkin.

Janet thinks Bradley should stay home from school, but her husband doesn’t want to baby him. He must learn how to stand up to bullies, so he’s going to school. Bradley covers his black eye. He’s not afraid of bullies, but he’s worried Lori Westin will tell the school Melinda beat him and made him cry.

Jeff isn’t in Mrs. Ebbel’s class, and Mrs. Ebbel asks him to take his hand away from his eye, but Bradley claims it’s stuck with glue. Mrs. Ebbel tells him that he can go to the principal if he keeps his eye covered. Bradley drops his hand, and Mrs. Ebbel doesn’t even want to know how he got a black eye.

Jeff comes to class late and sits in the front of the room. At recess, Jeff tells Bradley that Melinda doesn’t “fight fair,” and it’s rude to hit a girl. Jeff says the principal spoke to him this morning: He thought Jeff punched Bradley. Jeff informed the principal that he and Bradley are best friends. Bradley calls the principal “dumb.”

After Jeff uses the boys’ bathroom, fifth graders Robbie, Brian, and Russell applaud him for allegedly hitting Bradley. They invite Jeff to play basketball, and Jeff’s team wins—though Jeff’s team had one more player. Robbie doesn’t know why Jeff hung out with Bradley, and the older boys remind Jeff of his friends from DC. Now that Jeff is friends with them, he can’t be friends with Bradley.

Bradley watches Jeff play basketball. Every time Jeff takes a shot, Bradley prays that he’d miss. Back in the classroom, Bradley thinks it’s fine for Jeff to have other friends. Jeff is still his best friend: Maybe Bradley can play basketball with his best friend’s new friends. Carla told him he could have more than one friend. Yet Jeff doesn’t reply when Bradley whispers his name. After school, Bradley asks Jeff to hang out, but Robbie and Brian taunt him, and Jeff joins in. Instead, Bradley plays with the animals. They celebrate Bradley and want to play a game, just not basketball.

Bradley returns to scribbling, cutting up paper, and taping things together. Once again, he hates everyone, and everyone loathes him. He couldn’t believe he wanted to do homework. Never again will he pretend to be anyone’s friend.

Jeff tells Carla he doesn’t need to meet with her further. He has eight friends. They play basketball together, and he’s the star player. He asks Carla how many friends she’s made, but Carla doesn’t keep count. With friends, what matters is quality, not quantity.

Jeff repeats his number of friends and declares he and Bradley aren’t friends. Bradley was annoying. He told him he’d spit on him if he didn’t give him a dollar. No one threatens Jeff. When Bradley tried to hit him, he punched him in the face.

Jeff tells Carla people might think he’s weird if he keeps seeing her. Carla doesn’t want people to think he’s weird, but if he wants to talk, he should stop in. Leaving her room, Jeff thinks about how he used to be a “jerk.”