The Way I Used to Be

At Mara’s house that night, the girls get very drunk: “The night is a total blur. We didn’t order takeout. We didn’t watch movies. We just sat on Mara’s bedroom floor and drank. And drank. And drank until there was nothing left” (240). The next morning, they eat cereal hungover and Mara suggests, once again, that Eden go on a date with Steve. Specifically, Mara suggests that Eden join Cameron and Mara at the mall that night to see a movie on a double date with Steve. Eden is appalled at doing something so juvenile as going to the mall, and especially on a date with Steve. Mara insists that he is “perfect” (242) for Eden. After a heated argument, Eden finally agrees to go, but things between Eden and Mara are left strained: “Mara’s house is the one place in the world I’ve never been in a hurry to leave. But things change all the time” (243).

That night, Eden waits for Mara, Cameron, and Steve in the parking lot outside the food court, smoking a cigarette. She is anxious: “I feel on edge. Nervous. I’m dreading this entire night. It’s just too wholesome and purposeless” (244). When she sees Steve approaching from a distance, Eden is repulsed by how hard he is trying: “Then I see Steve power walking through the parking lot in his sweater-vest—his wallet chain all shiny, dangling from his back pocket, his Converse sneakers too clean. Like he’s dressed for a date” (244). They are soon joined by Mara and Cameron and make their way inside the mall’s movie theater.

The movie is in French, and Eden gets bored reading the subtitles and drifts off to sleep. In her sleep, she has a flashback to the night when she was raped by Kevin. That evening, Kevin was spending the night at Mara’s family home and they had been playing Monopoly. Eden recalls that she actually had a childhood crush on him, and she was both excited and scared as they spent that evening together. He compliments Eden that she looks good without her glasses on, which nearly causes her to hyperventilate with excitement. He also asks her if she wanted a boyfriend; she stutteringly says, yes, but she is confused by his question. Eden goes off to sleep after their game of Monopoly is finished, and she goes to sleep thinking of him. Returning to the present, Eden’s eyes snap open in the movie theater and her forehead is drenched in sweat. 

Eden, Mara, Cameron and Steve are all in the same study hall, along with Amanda who is still hostile toward Eden: “[Amanda] even trains her tablemates to shoot eye daggers at me as well” (252). From across the classroom, Mara blows kisses at Cameron and he catches them. Eden asks Mara if they have had sex yet, and she replies that no, not yet, but soon. Mara has been so preoccupied with Cameron that she forgot that it is Eden’s birthday: “That night I wait for my annual midnight happy birthday phone call from Mara. I wait and wait and wait. Maybe she just fell asleep. Or maybe we’re getting too old for midnight birthday calls” (254). On her actual birthday the next day, Mara does not decorate Eden’s locker, another annual birthday tradition. Mara does not even say happy birthday—she completely forgets.

At home, Eden’s parents ask her if she has plans with Mara, Eden lies and says they are going to dinner together. Eden is too ashamed and sad to admit that Mara has forgotten her birthday. Eden gets a couple of cards from distant relatives for her birthday, which she opens in front of her parents. Her mother gives Eden an “awkward hug” (255) and wishes her a happy birthday.

Eden says she is going to dinner with Mara for her birthday, but she actually heads to the library: “It turns out the public library is the perfect hideout, even better than the school library” (256). At the library, Eden lazily flips through one of her school notebooks, which is almost completely blank. She has not been focusing in any of her classes. At the library, she receives an e-mail from Caelin wishing her a happy birthday. Depressed and lonely, Eden packs her things and leaves the library. She walks, seemingly directionless:

I walk and walk, without knowing where I’m going. Until I realize I’m there, standing on the sidewalk in front of a house I used to know so well. I stand on the curb. I reach out and touch the red flag on the mailbox with my index finger, gently letting y hand flower over the raised sticker letters along the side of the black metal box M-I-L-L-E-R (257).

Outside the Miller’s house, Eden whispers to herself that she needs to “get a grip” (258) and begins to quickly walk away. Josh’s cat emerges from the shadows and tries to follow her home. 

The next morning, Mara picks Eden up as usual for school and reports some news: “‘You’ll never guess what I did last night!’ Mara says as I get in the passenger side and buckle up” (259). Mara and Cameron had sex, which has her practically “erupting with giddiness” (259). Still burned from Mara forgetting her birthday, Eden sarcastically says “congratulations” (259) and does a slow clap. Eden asks her if Mara remembers what yesterday was, and Mara is still clueless.

Suddenly, when they arrive at school, Mara explodes: “‘I wasn’t going to tell you this, but […] well, I am now. She takes a deep breath and exhales. ‘You’re really hard to be around lately’” (260). Mara suggests that perhaps Eden is jealous of her relationship with Cameron. Mara continues her rant about Eden’s behavior, saying that Eden “drags everybody else right down” (261) with her in her misery and unhappiness. Mara also expresses her disgust with Eden’s sexual behavior: “‘Face it,’ she says, her words hard, ‘all you have to do to get over a guy is taking a shower—that’s pathetic!’” (261). Eden slams the door of the car and enters the school.

Eden and Mara do not talk. A few nights later, Mara leaves a voicemail apologizing for forgetting Eden’s birthday, and she says they should probably talk about what happened. Eden does not respond. 

Eden now has to walk to school since she and Mara are fighting: “I walk to school on Monday, getting there way too early. I use the time to clean out my locker” (262). Mara approaches and asks if Eden received her voicemail message. Eden says yes, but it is not the apology she was expecting. Mara says she was expecting an apology, too. In a rare moment of honesty, Eden tells Mara that she really hurt her feelings; Mara responds by saying that she was the “biggest effing idiot in the entire universe” (263) for forgetting her birthday. They make amends with one another. 

It is Thanksgiving, and so Eden’s brother is on break from college classes: “Caelin comes home for Thanksgiving as planned. He tries to act like things are fine between us, but we both know better” (264). Eden is getting ready to go to a party with Mara, Cameron, and Steve that night; Caelin comes to her door before she leaves and asks if they are still on for tomorrow, for just them to hang out. Eden shrugs and says, “I guess” (264).

The party is at the dorm of a nearby college. Steve opens the car door for Eden when they arrive; Mara asks Eden, once again, if there is ever a chance that she will be interested in Steve. Eden says no, once again. Inside, Eden gets drunk quickly: “Four and a half red plastic cups later, I’m standing in a crowded, alcohol-drenched, bass-filled hallway with Steve asking me inane questions about myself” (266). Steve invites Eden to come see the photography darkroom that he made out of a converted closet in his room; Eden laughs thinking that this darkroom invitation is a “new one” (267), as far as pickup lines go. Quickly growing bored with their conversation, Eden has Steve go and fetch her another beer.

When Steve leaves, another guy approaches who is “not particularly attractive” or “particularly anything” (269), which is what Eden is looking for. It is clear that Eden’s intention is to sleep with him, after only moments of meeting. The guy drags her to a bedroom in the dorm marked “Reserved for Rachael—all others will be towed” (269). They fall onto the bed and begin kissing and removing each other’s clothes, when suddenly a woman who Eden assumes to be Rachael bursts in. Rachael tells them to get out, and Eden hears a voice she recognizes alongside of Rachael say, “What the fuck?” (270). It is Caelin; he screams that that is his sister and goes to charge the guy. Rachael is still screaming—she just wants everyone to get out of her room.

Eden frantically puts her clothes back on, but she is wildly drunk. She is slurring her words, and she can barely stand up straight. Caelin looks at her, disgusted:

Because my brother just caught me almost having sex with some guy in a room that he was supposed to be having sex in, with the girl whose room this actually is, and now I’m standing here in my lacy black bra and it’s obviously hard for him, my own brother, not to look at my breasts (272).

Caelin and Eden have a full-blown argument after leaving Rachael’s room, with Eden insisting that she was not being taken advantage of by that guy—just the opposite. She tells him that she has had sex with hundreds of guys; she is a pro. Caelin is even more enraged, and he tells her to “shut the fuck up” (275). Caelin walks away and Eden begins to cry, which as Mara notes to Cameron, is something that Eden never does. Mara tells Eden in the car ride home that it was not nice what she did to Steve, because it was clear Eden was going to have sex with that other guy, even though she was Steve’s date. Mara tells Eden she feels as though Eden is going “over the edge or something” (278), that she is really worried about her. Eden’s defenses are up, however, and she snarls at Mara: “Thanks for the concern […] but I can take care of myself just fine” (278). Mara begins to cry, and Eden walks away.

Eden is troubled after the party: “It’s after midnight. The snow is falling hard outside, the wind howling. Can’t sleep” (280). She lies in bed thinking about the Lunch-Break Book Club, looking at her old yearbook from her sleeping bag on the floor. Eden looks over their club photo, when everyone was so innocent. She also flips to the sports section to look at the boys' varsity basketball team photo, and gazes at Josh’s picture. She then flips back to her the ninth-grade section: “I flip to the ninth-grade section to visit the ghost of that girl I used to be. And there she is, right between Maureen Malinowski and Sean Michaels. Glasses and all” (282).

Eden begins laughing hysterically and then crying hysterically. She has so many regrets, and now she is alone: “More alone than ever before” (282). She is haunted by her own thoughts. She repeatedly asks herself “what if” (283). She insinuates that she is considering suicide: “What if one day it all just stopped” (283). 

Eden’s mother opens her bedroom door, asking her what she is doing. Eden lies and says she is studying. Eden’s mom is irritated and asks that Eden go outside and help her father shovel snow. Eden says it is stupid that Eden’s father is shoveling right now; Eden’s mother gets angry, feeling like her daughter challenges everything she says. Eden finally relents and when she is done shoveling, she locks herself in her bedroom. Her mother tries to get Eden to come down to decorate the tree, but Eden refuses and instead stays in her room smoking cigarettes.

Sitting alone in her room, Eden gets the idea to call Steve and apologize: “‘Sorry if I was a jerk,’ I try. ‘I was messed up. Sorry’” (287). He accepts the apology, and to Eden’s surprise, he tries to keep the conversation going. Eden is surprised “realizing that [she] kind of want[s] to be kept on the phone” (287). With the snow still steadily falling, Steve invites her over to his place to check out the darkroom.

Eden arrives at Steve’s family house: “I ring the doorbell at Steve’s house. I don’t know yet what it is I really want from him” (288). She takes her coat off in the entry way, and Steve leads her up to his room. He is happy to make amends with her: “Anyway, I’m so glad you called. We can go up to my room. I’ll show you my photo stuff. I mean, if you’re really interested” (288). Eden lies and says yes.

Upon entering Steve’s bedroom, Eden struck with a wave of panic, recalling her relationship with Josh: “And instantly Josh is there again, in my mind, taking up all space, consuming all the thoughts, making my heart go wild” (289). She longs for Steve to be Josh and wishes that Josh felt the same way about her that Steve currently does. Eden abruptly decides that she needs to “make something happen” (289) in order to disrupt this train of thought; she grabs Steve, who is confused and amazed by what is happening. Eden invites her to kiss him. Steve stops and asks if she is sure she wants to do this; Eden lies and says yes. Steve says, “Well, me too […] but let’s go slow. We have time, right?” (290). In between kisses, Steve tells Eden “romantic, sweet things” (290), like that he has never known anyone like Eden and that she is so pretty and smart. With every compliment, Eden feels more suffocated. Steve holds her as they lie in his bed, and he tells her that he wants to know everything about her: her interests, what kind of music she likes, her favorite movie. Suddenly, Eden breaks away from him and asks: “I mean, what is wrong with you? Can’t we just have fun? You have to ruin it really” (292). Steve flinches, not understanding Eden’s reaction. Eden gathers her things and runs outside for a cigarette; Steve follows her.

Standing outside, Steve tells Eden that he does know what he did to cause this reaction from her. When Eden flinches, he realizes that she is cowering from him: ‘What do you think,’ he asks slowly, ‘I would hit you or something?’” (294). Eden starts to cry as she loses complete control over her emotions: “I’m shaking, my fingers rucking tremble [...] I blather” (295). Steve tries to hug her to calm her down, but Eden doges him: “He puts both arms around me. But I feel suffocated. Don’t want to be held. Don’t want to be touched. Not by anyone ever again in my entire life” (295). As Eden cries, Steve tells her again that he would never physically harm her. He tries to smile and says he will call her tomorrow. Eden says goodnight and leaves.

When Eden returns to her room, she descends into depression and falls into a deep sleep: “‘Eden?’ Mom knocks on my door, tries to turn the knob. I open my eyes; pray it’s all been a dream” (297). Mara, Cameron, and Steve all call her phone repeatedly. Eden wakes up to her mother screaming her name, that she needs to come downstairs because she has a visitor there at the house.

Eden goes downstairs and is surprised to see Cameron. Cameron is angry: “‘You can’t pick up a phone?’ he blurts outs while I’m still shuffling into the living room” (298). Cameron launches into a tirade about how cruel Eden is being to Steve, how he “doesn’t deserve this” (299). Cameron sees that Eden’s face is puffy from crying, and he asks her with a cool smirk if she is so tough, then why is she crying. Cameron goes on: “‘I hope I don’t intimidate people, but that’s the difference between you and me, isn’t it? You want to take people down, you want to hurt people, but you know what?’ He sneers, inching toward me […] ‘Nobody’s afraid of you,’ he says quietly” (300).

Eden tells him to leave her house, to get out immediately. Eden screams “fuck you” (301) at him, as he heads out the door. Eden returns to her room and crawls back into her sleeping back. She is unable to stop crying. Eden shuts her phone off, ignoring the frantic calls and texts from Mara and Steve. 

At study hall the next day, Mara forbids Eden from sitting with her, Cameron, and Steve: “You’re not sitting here—no way” (303). Steve tries to tell Mara that it is fine, but Mara says that she has had it with Eden’s behavior. Mara forces her to move tables.

Eden takes a new seat away from the group and counts the minutes until she can leave the classroom. Steve approaches her from behind and asks if they can talk. They sneak into the hallway for a quick private chat. In the hallway, Steve asks her why she is ignoring him. Eden says she has nothing to say and goes on to inform him that, even though their dalliance was important to Steve, it did not mean anything to her. This angers Steve, and he asks her what this “act” of hers is all about. Voice shaking and eyes welling with tears, Steve calls her a “slut” and walks away. Eden is rattled:

If words are weapons, if they could wound physically, then he just shot a hundred-pound cannonball through the center of my body. The kind of artillery built to take out a battleship, and certain equipped to sink a stupid, mean little girl (306).

Eden slinks to the stairwell at the other end of the hall, headed down to the basement bathroom of the school. She smokes a cigarette, crying and upset. She fantasizes that Josh were there to help her get through this dark period in her life. The bell rings, signaling the end of that period.

Eden returns to the study hall classroom to gather her things. Amanda is there, and Eden takes the opportunity to confront her on why she is always so rude to Eden: “What the hell did I ever do to you? I really want to know. I would love to know” (308). Amanda is silent, but one of Amanda’s nearby friends chimes in that it has to do with Kevin, that everyone knows Eden had sex with Kevin. Eden explodes at the friend, saying that she would never have sex with Kevin, that she hates him, and that she wishes he were dead. Eden is sent into an emotional tailspin: “I feel something savage and electrical flow through me, like my hands could strangle her, like they’re controlled by some part of my brain that’s immune to logic” (310). Eden attacks the girl, pushes her to the ground, and says that if she ever says anything about Eden and Kevin again, she will kill her.

Eden cries the entire way home from school, uncaring about who sees her or wait she looks like. At home, she locks herself in her bedroom, depressed: “I lie awake, staring at the ceiling. I made Mara cry. I made Steve cry. I made Amanda cry. Anyone who has ever felt anything me now hates me—after hours of dwelling on this, I’ve actually made myself physically ill” (310). Eden calls out sick to school the next day.

Eden wakes up the next morning to her mother saying: “‘Calm down, honey, it’s going to be all right, I promise,’ I hear Vanessa say in a dream” (311). Eden’s mother is talking to Caelin, who is there in the family living room, totally distraught. Heading downstairs, Eden asks what is going on; Eden’s father says, “It’s Kevin, honey” (312). Caelin reports that a girl in their dorm says that Kevin raped her, and that the police came to arrest him. Eden rushes to the bathroom at this news, and she vomits in distress: “He did it. Of course he did it. There’s no question about that. But, did I do It too?” (313). Eden feels guilty that she kept silence, now that she knows Kevin has taken another victim. Eden’s father calls into the bathroom and says she does not need to go to school today, that the entire family is taking a “mental health day” (313). 

Eden emerges from the bathroom, and Caelin continues on with the story of what happened with Kevin: The girl Kevin raped was his ex-girlfriend, so Caelin does not understand how that is even possible. Caelin also thinks it is strange that the ex-girlfriend waited a few days to report it: “If it really happened, then why didn’t she report it right away?” (314). Caelin insists that the girl must be making up the story, that Kevin would never do such a thing. Caelin also accuses the girl for acting like a “slut,” as another possible explanation for why she accused Kevin. Under his breath, Caelin says that perhaps that is something Eden would know about, which causes Eden to lose her temper. She screams “fuck you” at Caelin and then stomps out of the room.

Eden flashes back to the night when Kevin raped her, remembering the entire incident in graphic detail: “What happened: I woke up to him climbing on top of me, jabbing his knees into my arms. I thought it was a joke—unfunny to be sure, but still, a joke” (317). He enters her room at 2:49 a.m. and puts his hand over her mouth and tells her to be quiet, restraining her by her arms and legs. Eden is paralyzed: “So much for that adrenaline rush of superhuman strength I’d always heard about—the kind that could allow grandmothers to lift cars off children yet wouldn’t allow me to just get out of his hands. Fucking useless urgency” (318). Eden cannot believe that this is truly happening to her; she does not believe it is real, even as Kevin slides down his pants.

At 2:51 a.m., she recalls that he managed to pry her legs apart: “Quickly though, the pain became secondary to the fact that I thought I actually might die. I couldn’t breathe” (319). By 2:53 a.m., Eden notes that it was over. Panting, Kevin grabs her by her chin and tells her to listen up, that she better not tell anyone about what just happened, because no one will ever believe her. He forces Eden to agree to remain silent, which she does. Eden is left traumatized: “I put both hands over my mouth, squeezed my eyes shut as tight as I could, and tried to fix my brain to disbelieve everything it thought and felt and knew to be true” (321). 

Eden is awash with anxiety: “I open my eyes. I’m breathing heavy. Then barely breathing at all. My heart races” (323). For the first time in a long while, she acknowledges that she needs to speak to someone, but since she is fighting with the majority of her friends and family—she has no one. Her mind turns to Josh. She wants to speak with him desperately, even though it has been nearly two years since they last spoke. Eden calls him but hangs up without saying anything. She does this two more times, but then is interrupted by her mother calling her from downstairs.

Eden heads downstairs to see a male cop and a female detective standing in her living room. Eden learns the cop is Officer Mitchell and the woman is Detective Dodgson, and they have come to interview Eden’s family about Kevin Armstrong. Eden reacts with fear and paralysis; Caelin jumps to his feet in a confrontational, defensive way. Detective Dodgson says that she is there to investigate a report of assault, and Eden knows it is because Amanda must have told them about Eden. The detective says that they want to speak to each member of the family separately. Detective Dodgson and Eden head to their room so that she can interview Eden in private. The detective tells Eden that Amanda told them about their run-in the week before, when Eden became “highly […] emotional” (327) at the mention of Kevin. Eden dodges all the detective’s questions; she is overcome with emotion and does not want to speak. Eden faints in front of the detective, and her parents rush in to give Eden water and try to revive her. The detective says she is going to leave to give Eden time to rest but leaves her business card in case Eden wants to speak with her later.

Eden is trying to muster the courage to call the detective: “I sit at my desk and stare at the card for a long time. After Vanessa force-fed me about a gallon of orange juice and endless saltines, I was allowed back in my room unsupervised” (331). Instead, Eden repeatedly calls Josh, hanging up on him each time. Finally, Eden calls Josh and tells him that she wants him to know that she did, in fact, care about him. She also admits to lying to him; suddenly, she is embarrassed and asks if Josh even remembers her. He says, of course, but he is extremely worried about her and her bizarre behavior. Eden bursts into tears and hangs up the phone. Inconsolable, Eden shuts her phone off and falls into a fitful sleep.

The next morning, Eden wakes up at 5:45 a.m. and heads out of the house. When she turns on her phone, she sees there are 15 missed calls and nine new voicemails, all from Josh. She is barely through her voicemails when her phone begins ringing again; it is Josh, he says that he was worried she was dead, and so he drove all the way from his college campus to make sure she okay. Suddenly, Eden hears a horn honking behind her, and she sees Josh approaching in an old beat-up Ford truck. Josh pops the passenger door open for her, and Eden gets inside.

They drive to an IHOP and get breakfast. Eden is shocked to be sitting across from Josh, after all this time: “I feel like I’m looking at a ghost. He looks the same, but different—grown up, more like himself, like the way he’s supposed to look, somehow” (338). Josh tells her, up-front, that he has a girlfriend at college and that it is serious. Eden says that she understands. The waitress drops off their breakfasts, and Josh asks her if Eden is going to tell him whatever it was that she wants to say—whatever it was that made her call him, over and over. Eden says that she wanted him to know that, during their relationship, she was not okay—and she still isn’t okay. Josh asks her if something happened. She says yes, but still cannot bring herself to say the word “rape.” At Josh’s continued urging, she takes a crayon from the table and writes the word on an IHOP placemat: “I look at the word ‘RAPED’ for just a moment before I fold it in half and slide it away from me, across the table, past my plate and his coffee cup” (342). Josh offers to take her to the hospital, thinking that the rape must have just occurred. Eden explains that it happened a long time ago. Suddenly, it comes together for Josh why Eden acted so strangely over the course of their relationship. Josh picks up the check, and they leave the restaurant. Josh hugs her tightly before they get back inside his truck to leave.

Inside his truck, Josh asks Eden to tell him who it was that raped her. Eden bursts into tears and tells Josh that she wants to tell him, but he won’t believe her. After more coaxing, she finally tells Josh that it is his old teammate on basketball, Kevin Armstrong. Without question, Josh believes her, and he tells as much. In fact, he not only believes her, he wants to seek retribution on her behalf and says: “I’m going to fucking kill him, Eden, I swear to God I’m gonna kill him.” (347). Not knowing what to do next—Eden does not want to go home or school—they decide to go to Josh’s house to rest. 

Eden enters Josh’s room and nostalgia for their relationship washes over her: “‘I see they painted your room,’ I say standing in the middle of my own personalized twilight zone” (349). Awkwardly, they lie down next to each other on his bed. Eden asks if it is okay if she rests her hand on his chest; he agrees that it is okay. Cuddling against Josh, Eden falls asleep easily.

When Eden wakes up, Josh is nuzzling the back of her neck and kissing her hair. He says he misses her. He admits that he loves her still, after all this time. He even suggests that they get back together, that perhaps their relationship will work this time. Eden loves him, but she says she cannot be with him right now. They agree to stay friends and part on good terms:

There’re probably a million things I should say to him. I’m sure there are some things he wants to say to me, too. But we just sit, side by side on his bed, in silence. We sit like this for a long time, just being together, no really needing to give voice to all those unsaid words, just knowing and accepting the truth of what we really mean to each other. There’s not enough language, anyway, for these things (354).

Eden promises to call Josh and walks away from his house.  

Eden enters her family’s home and Caelin does not understand what Eden is doing there: “‘Why aren’t you at school?’ Caelin mumbles at me, still lying on the couch where I left him hours earlier” (356). Eden says that she needs to talk to him immediately, that it is important. Caelin sits up on the living room couch, and Eden sits on the floor nearby. Ramblingly, Eden begins her story but Caelin is irritated: “For the love of God, Edy, can you just pick one sentence and finish—” (357). Finally, Eden blurts it out her point, that she wants Caelin to know that Kevin raped her three years ago. When she finally gets it out, Caelin reacts with silence, and Eden is terrified that he is going to reject her. Caelin is devastated: “I expect him to be looking at me. But he’s not. His hands are covering his ears, his eyes shut tight. He’s slumped forward, toward m, his body folded in on itself” (358).

Suddenly, Caelin leaps up and goes to his room, screaming “fuck” in a “guttural, animal” (358) way. He takes his dresser and dumps the entire thing over on its side, spilling his high school basketball trophies, medals, and certificates on the ground. Caelin melts down, not fully comprehending that his best friend could have done this yet. Eden notes that her sexual assault is a trauma for her entire family: “I watch as his body [Caelin’s] melts down to the floor and I start to understand something too. That this isn’t all about me. This thing, it touches everyone” (359).

Eden is nervous, but she has made up her mind that she is going to report Kevin to the detective: “My hands are shaking as I hold her business card. As the phone rings, I just read her name over and over and over” (360). Caelin drives her down to the precinct: “Caelin keeps taking these enormous breaths that he doesn’t seem to be exhaling. But neither of us speaks until we’re walking up the massive, terrifying steps of the building” (360).

Inside the precinct, Detective Dodgson thanks Caelin for bringing Eden in to tell her story. The detective then walks Eden into a private room and asks Eden to tell the story with what happened that night with Kevin: “It takes hours. I have to say everything a million times by the end, and then she hands me my own clipboard and pad of paper and a pen, and I have to write it all down while she sits there watching” (362). The detective says she is confident that they will “get this little bastard” (363), referring to Kevin, so that he can never hurt anyone ever again. By the end of it, Eden is relieved, elated even: “My heart floods, so full of every emotion I’ve ever known, all at once” (363).

It is dusk when Eden leaves the detective’s office. She calls Amanda, sitting on the steps of the precinct building. She tells Amanda that she is sorry—for the other day at school, for the whole thing. Amanda also apologizes for her behavior, for starting the rumor about Eden—she did not know what she was doing, and she is ashamed that she believed her brother when he called her a “slut.” They hang up, and both agree that even though things are “fucked up” (365), they will be better now that the truth is out there. Eden gets up from the precinct steps and walks two blocks down the street, to a bar where Caelin is having a drink. Caelin and her head back home, where Eden will finally tell her parents what happened. With this burden finally off her chest, Eden is filled with hope as she and her brother head up their family driveway and into the house.