The Story of My Experiments with Truth

Amid societal expectations and personal curiosities, Gandhi’s young life was marked by experiments, transgressions, and consequential learnings. Encouraged by a friend, he toyed with the idea of eating meat to gain strength and perhaps even challenge English dominance, linking their might to their diet. He recalls “the fear of thieves, ghosts, and serpents” (46) that plagued him, wondering if a meat diet could alleviate these fears. However, cultural and religious values weighed heavily on him, creating an internal rift between newfound curiosity and deep-seated traditions.

During this phase of rebellion, he not only secretly tried meat but also visited a brothel. However, reflecting on these actions in a moment of clarity, he determined that “meat-eating must be out of the question” (49) to avoid deceiving his parents. Such incidents, coupled with moments of mistrust toward his wife, underscored the tumult of his early years.

A series of moral dilemmas reached its pinnacle when Gandhi, in a misguided adventure with a relative, stole money. Burdened by guilt, he sought solace in confession, drafting a heartfelt note to his father. His father’s tearful yet forgiving response was a poignant lesson on the importance of ahimsa (nonviolence) and the redemptive power of honesty.

Tragedy struck with the death of his father. The poignant juxtaposition of Gandhi’s momentary carnal lapse and his father’s passing brought about immense guilt. He anguished over his actions, ruminating that “I was weighed and found unpardonably wanting because my mind was at the same moment in the grip of lust” (59).

Amid these personal challenges, Gandhi’s tryst with religion remained foundational. He was not formally educated in religious doctrine, but the Vaishnava faith of his birth, spiritual teachings from his nurse Rambha, readings during his father’s illness, and other religious encounters (notably with Christianity) framed his spiritual journey. A steadfast belief that “morality is the basis of things, and that truth is the substance of all morality” (63), which later became central to his philosophy, replaced a transient phase of skepticism.

Transformative journeys, both literal and metaphorical, marked Gandhi’s young adult years as he ventured from India to England to pursue higher education. After a short-lived stint at Samaldas College in Bhavnagar, a recommendation from a family adviser, Joshiji, propelled Gandhi toward England to study law. While the idea appealed to his academic leanings, the road to England was laden with financial and cultural dilemmas. The family contemplated selling his wife’s ornaments to fund his trip. Above all, his mother’s concerns about the Western lifestyle posed a significant challenge. To ease her worries, he took a vow, guided by a Jain monk, to abstain from wine, meat, and women. With her blessings, he headed for Bombay (Mumbai), not knowing the trials that awaited him there.

Upon reaching Bombay, Gandhi’s decision to travel abroad met vehement opposition from his community, leading the Sheth to declare him an “outcaste.” Facing societal scorn and disapproval, he boarded a ship to England under the guidance of Sjt. Tryambakrai Mazmudar.

The unfamiliar terrain of England brought a sense of alienation, magnified by the juxtaposition of Western customs and his self-imposed restrictions. Gandhi’s distinct attire made him feel singled out: “The shame of being the only person in white clothes was already too much for me” (75). This sentiment of foreignness was intensified by homesickness, making sleep elusive: “My mother’s love always haunted me. At night the tears would stream down my cheeks” (76).

The challenges continued as he grappled with his vow of vegetarianism. Friends, highlighting practical difficulties, tried persuading him to forgo this commitment. One argued, “Our religion forbids voyages abroad” (70), hinting at the contradictions of adhering to some vows but not others. Nevertheless, Gandhi’s conviction deepened upon discovering a vegetarian restaurant and reading Henry Stephens Salt’s A Plea for Vegetarianism, and he asserted, “From the date of reading this book, I may claim to have become a vegetarian by choice” (80).

Gandhi’s sojourn in England wasn’t solely about academics; it was also an exploration of self-identity. Eager to integrate, he adopted the attire and hobbies of an English gentleman, even investing in “clothes after the Bombay cut” and lessons in “dancing, French, and elocution” (83). However, deeper introspection made him question these superficial pursuits, concluding that his primary role was that of a student. Although he upheld certain aspects of English etiquette for years, his quest for genuine knowledge prevailed over assimilation, encapsulating his ongoing struggle between cultural immersion and retaining core beliefs.

While in England, Gandhi embarked on transformative introspections that shaped his philosophy and way of life. Economizing became central as he strove to align his external realities with his core values. Every penny was accounted for, and he limited his daily expenses to “a shilling and three pence a day” (88). This intentional simplicity was born not out of deprivation but rather an internal harmony, revealing that contentment is rooted in aligning life with one’s values.

Gandhi’s commitment to vegetarianism deepened, influenced by extensive readings and dialogues on its various facets. An ethical consideration stood out: “the higher should protect the lower” (89), emphasizing compassion over dominance. Holding an executive position in the Vegetarian Society, he engaged with notable proponents of vegetarianism. While he grappled with ethical dilemmas, such as consuming eggs, his mother’s interpretation of vows often guided him. He even founded a vegetarian club, albeit briefly.

However, Gandhi’s pronounced shyness often left him silent in group interactions. Instead of viewing his public speaking difficulties as a handicap, however, Gandhi found virtue in them, believing that they enforced an “economy of words” (97), and cultivated the power of silence, allowing him thoughtful communication.

Gandhi’s time in England was likewise marred by a common practice among Indian students: concealing their marital status. The cultural custom of early marriage in India contrasted with the bachelor-student norm in England. When Gandhi’s pretense brought him close to unintentional deceit, a heartfelt confession to a kind widow became a turning point. Her compassionate response underscored the significance of truth, strengthening Gandhi’s resolve to prioritize honesty in all aspects of life.

His spiritual quest in England was expansive. Introduced to the Bhagavad Gita, he recognized it as “the book par excellence for the knowledge of Truth” (104). While he engaged with Theosophists and appreciated their views, he refrained from affiliating with any religious group. The Bible, especially the Sermon on the Mount, resonated with him deeply. His voracious appetite for religious literature and a broader understanding of various spiritual paths fortified his respect for all faiths while deepening his own beliefs.

In a period of self-awareness and growth, Gandhi confronted various facets of his character, relationships, and aspirations in England. Reflecting on a moment of inner turmoil in Portsmouth, where he faced temptation, Gandhi attributed his strength to resist to a higher power, stating, “God saved me” (109). He asserted that genuine spirituality transcends mere religious knowledge and that an earnest prayer “springs from the heart” (110), acting as a beacon to purify the soul.

Gandhi’s sojourn brought him into the company of unique personalities, such as Narayan Hemchandra, an idiosyncratic Indian writer. Their shared convictions, especially about vegetarianism, fostered a close bond. Hemchandra, with his blend of naivete and wisdom, epitomized the belief that “[g]reat men never look at a person’s exterior. They think of his heart” (114), a notion evident when he managed to meet Cardinal Manning despite his unconventional attire.

While in Europe, Gandhi visited the 1890 Exhibition in Paris, where the Eiffel Tower, an engineering marvel, symbolized human accomplishment. Gandhi’s experiences were not limited to such novelties; he was deeply moved by the sacred ambiance of ancient churches like Notre Dame, sensing genuine devotion in their architecture and aura. These contrasting impressions made him reflect on Tolstoy’s criticism of the Eiffel Tower as humanity’s transient fascination.

As he pursued the path to becoming a barrister, Gandhi met the English legal traditions with characteristic earnestness. Before being “called to the bar” (121), he navigated customary dinners with vegetarian constraints and rigorously studied law, even opting for the challenging Roman Law in Latin. However, upon his achieving the barrister title, self-doubt seeped in. Despite his extensive studies, he felt unprepared for practical law: “I had read the laws, but not learnt how to practise law” (122). Against this backdrop of vulnerability he met Mr. Frederick Pincutt. Although Pincutt’s direct advice, like reading Lavator’s book on physiognomy, wasn’t particularly transformative for Gandhi, the conservative’s core message about the value of “honesty and industry” (124) in the legal profession offered some solace as Gandhi prepared for his journey back to India.