The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Charlie is feeling lonely because Sam and Patrick haven’t called since being on vacation:“I am sitting in my dad’s old bedroom in Ohio. The family is still downstairs. I really don’t feel very well. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I’m starting to get scared” (75). He explains how he can’t tell his mom about not feeling well because she’ll get worried. He also writes how he misses Michael and his aunt Helen.

Earlier in the evening, he watched It’s a Wonderful Life with his family: “I just wanted the movie to be about Uncle Billy because he drank a lot and was fat and lost the money in the first place. I wanted the angel to come down and show us how Uncle Billy’s life had meaning. Then, I think I’d feel better” (76).

He says he started feeling bad yesterday while shopping with his mom and sister. He realized he didn’t know what to buy his dad for Christmas because he doesn’t really know his dad. He wanted his gift to be special and not something generic. He ended up buying his dad the last episode of M*A*S*H on videocassette, and then he felt a lot better.

During Charlie’s birthday dinner there is drama because his dad and brother are late due to the weather, and his mom is worried the food will be cold. Charlie goes to his room to be alone and his mom follows him. She asks if he’s sad because of his aunt Helen: “My mom wouldn’t let me talk about it. She knows that I stop listening and start to breathe fast. She covered my mouth and wiped my eyes. I calmed down enough to make it downstairs” (79). He keeps calm by thinking about getting his driver’s license.

On Christmas morning they drive to see his dad’s family. His brother talks about his new girlfriend and how she’s “hot beautiful” (83), and his brother and sister fight about feminism. His brother ends up saying, “But there’s a difference between you and her. You see… Kelly believes in women’s rights so much that she would never let a guy hit her. I guess I can’t say that about you” (83). Their dad slams on the brakes and stares at Charlie’s brother. He immediately apologizes. His dad asks Charlie to drive the rest of the way so that he can sit in the back.

Charlie’s dad’s family is just like his mom’s family, except for his grandma. He tells the story of how his dad’s mom remarried an abusive man after her first husband died in Korea. After her new husband beat her and kids, her brother beat him so bad he went to the hospital and died. Charlie’s aunt Rebecca, his dad’s sister, now dates abusive men, and Charlie thinks his dad feels guilty for leaving town and not protecting her. Charlie thinks about how if his dad didn’t leave town like he did, “it would never be his life. It would be theirs” (88).

Charlie says that every year on the way home from the Christmas festivities he and his mom stop and visit Aunt Helen’s grave. They share fond memories they had with her, and Charlie’s memory is always how he stayed up late when she babysat and watched Saturday Night Live. His mom always feels guilty about her sister Helen because when Helen was little, a friend of the family molested her. No one believed her, so the man kept coming over for visits. As a result, Helen drank a lot, used drugs, and had problems with men and boys. She was in and out of hospitals and was generally an unhappy person. However, after moving in with Charlie’s family, she started to get better.

Charlie says that his aunt Helen always used to buy him two presents, one for his birthday and one for Christmas, which was special because no one else in the family did. On Charlie’s birthday in 1983, Helen left to buy him a present when she got into a horrible car accident and died:

I don’t really know what happened next, and I never really asked. I just remember going to the hospital. I remember sitting in a room with bright lights. I remember a doctor asking me questions. I remember telling him how Aunt Helen was the only one who hugged me […] I remember never saying goodbye to Aunt Helen(91).

Charlie has read Catcher in the Rye three times since his last letter. He says he doesn’t know what else to do. Sam and Patrick are coming home tonight, but they’re each hanging out with their significant others. He’s excited because he gets to drive to the Big Boy by himself.

The first time he drives is to visit Aunt Helen’s grave, and he makes a mixed tape called “The First Time I Drove” to commemorate the event. He tells her all about Sam, Patrick, and how he got his driver’s license. He cries uncontrollably and voices a promise: “I […] promise to only cry about important things because I would hate to think that crying as much as I do would make crying for Aunt Helen less than it is” (93).

That night he reads to stop himself from “panicky”(94) crying. Once he finishes the book, he immediately starts reading it again: “I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist” (94).

Charlie sees Sam and Patrick at the Big Boy, but they are with their significant others again. This makes him sad because he wanted to see them alone. They invite Charlie to take LSD, and he accepts.

It’s 4 o’clock in the morning and Charlie says he can’t sleep because he has been “watching cable television and eating jello. And seeing things move” (94). He remarks how “everyone else is either asleep or having sex” (94). He writes how his mental and emotional state is currently better than it was prior: “I was looking at this tree but it was a dragon and then a tree, and I remembered that one nice pretty weather day when I was a part of the air” (95). He hears Sam and Craig having sex, which makes him have negative thoughts, like how “when a caterpillar goes into a cocoon, it goes through torture and how it takes seven years to digest gum” (95).