The Language of Flowers

“I would look for a job; I knew I needed to. But for the first time in my life I had my own bedroom with a locking door, and no one telling me where to be or what to do. Before I started searching for work, I decided, I would grow a garden.”

When faced with freedom for the first time, Victoria devotes herself to creating something beautiful for herself. She understands that her behavior falls outside of convention, but her independence and desire to express herself outweigh her social impulses.

“‘Do you feel better?’

‘No,’ I said, though it was not the truth. I couldn’t remember the last home that allowed me to use a bathtub; Jackie may have had one upstairs, but kids were not permitted on the second floor.”

Victoria carries with her years of abuse that cause her to repress her feelings and thoughts. In denying that she enjoyed a bath, she prevents Elizabeth from potentially using it as a punishment—which has become her expectation in foster homes. This foreshadows her future trauma-driven behavior.

“‘I think you have it in you, that kind of intuition, if you want it.’

‘I do,’ I said quickly. ‘Want it.’”

For the first time, Victoria has discovered something she is good at and a place where she belongs. When Renata offers her a job, she recalls Meredith’s earlier advice and makes it her goal to become a florist. This is a practical application of the language of flowers, showcasing her attentiveness.

“‘Nothing you could do would make me send you away. Nothing. So you can go on testing me—hurling my mother’s silver around the kitchen, if that’s what you have to do—but know that my response will always be the same: I will love you, and I will keep you. Okay?’”

Elizabeth shares her own history with childhood abuse. In doing so, she attempts to bond with Victoria. Victoria has experienced a significant amount of trauma and is shocked by Elizabeth’s assertion, uncertain of what to believe. This shows that Victoria only accepts actions, not words, as she has heard adults make many claims in her life.

“‘He thought you might be able to make me a bouquet—something special.’

‘For what reason?’ I asked.

She paused, looking out the window again. ‘I’m single but don’t want to be.’”

After Victoria impresses a customer named Earl, he sends a friend her way, having faith in her ability to help. Victoria proceeds to help the woman who will eventually become her first customer at her own business. This marks a turning point for her, signaling her talent as a florist and a wave of new opportunities as she steps out of her shell.

“Looking up flowers one at a time, I cross-referenced everything I had memorized with the dictionaries stacked on the table. It wasn’t long before I knew. Elizabeth had been as wrong about the language of flowers as she had been about me.”

As Victoria studies the language of flowers in the local library, she discovers that Elizabeth’s definitions are not extensive. The new meanings fill her with confusion, as she grapples with the idea that Elizabeth did not know as much as she let on. This moment is significant for Victoria, as it eventually empowers her to create her own dictionary.

“She was going to keep me. My eyes filled with tears. The anger I’d felt towards Elizabeth that morning dissolved, replaced immediately with shock. I had not, for one moment, believed Elizabeth when she said there was nothing I could do to make her give me back. But there I was, only moments after having been sent home from school—a suspension would follow, if not an expulsion—listening to Elizabeth talk about her sister.”

For much of Victoria’s life, she had been neglected by adults who returned her to the foster care system in response to her actions and outbursts. This quote is a turning point for her and Elizabeth’s relationship because the former realizes that the latter did not lie to her. Elizabeth’s love for Victoria is reinforced, leading the latter to become more trusting. Their relationship grows to involve physical touch, which Victoria once hated—signifying her potential for healing.

“This is all a misunderstanding, I thought to myself, taking the camera. I don’t ride in trucks with young men and sit at picnic tables and eat chocolate. I don’t drink milk while discussing families, flower or otherwise.”

As Grant encourages Victoria to make her own dictionary, she feels conflicting emotions. She is drawn to Grant and wants to make the dictionary but is burdened with her past to the point of rejecting the idea of them being in a relationship. This quote showcases her insecurities, her feeling unworthy of such attention.

“I shut my eyes at Elizabeth’s words. You’re all the family I have. For eight months we had been together, eating three meals a day at the kitchen table, working side by side. My adoption was less than four months away. Still, Elizabeth did not consider me family. Instead of sorrow, I felt rage, and when I heard the phone click, followed by the gushing sound of dirty water being poured down a drain, I pounded up the front steps.”

Victoria sees Elizabeth’s need for her sister Catherine as a betrayal of their growing relationship. She believes that the two of them make a sufficient family, but Elizabeth’s upbringing leads her to think that they are not—not yet. This foreshadows Elizabeth missing Victoria’s adoption hearing out of a desire to have Catherine in their lives as well. This moment also sparks Victoria’s resentment towards Catherine, because she is considered Elizabeth’s family while she herself is not.

“‘I don’t trust myself,” I said. ‘Whatever you imagine our life would be like together, it won’t happen. I’d ruin it.’”

Victoria has internalized years of blame. She believes herself incapable of good, stemming from her time as a foster child. This conversation calls back to Victoria’s childhood discussions with Meredith, who blamed the young girl for her own unsuccessful placements.

“Sitting next to her now, I was thrilled at the prospect of receiving a formal lesson. I pushed my chair as close to Elizabeth as possible.”

Elizabeth provides Victoria with the education that becomes the foundation of her emotional and professional life. The reader recognizes that this education is not comprehensive, as Elizabeth’s knowledge of the language of flowers contradicts some information in the local library. This moment also highlights how Victoria has become more comfortable with Elizabeth, no longer wary of physical contact.

“Maybe I was wrong, I thought watching the clusters sway in the breeze. Maybe the essence of each flower’s meaning really was contained somewhere within its sturdy stem, its soft gathering of petals.”

Victoria’s first kiss with Grant makes her reflect on flowers and if she had underestimated them. Earlier in the novel, she speculates lying to a customer because of a difficult task—but decides against it as she feels she must respect what she has learned. Kissing Grant while amidst flowers representing desire causes Victoria to question her own preconceptions.

“Annemarie brought her friends, many with frilly-dressed little girls and all with disappointing marriages. […] The women discussed the details of their relationships, trying to reduce their problems to a single word. I had explained the importance of specificity, and the ladies clung to my words. The conversations were sad, and amusing, and strangely hopeful all at the same time.”

Victoria’s confidence in her own skills grows as more women come to her for help, following her guidance. This showcases the somewhat magical quality of Victoria’s work in the eyes of her clients. It is this reputation that allows her financial security later in the novel when she starts her own business with brides who are similarly invested in her process.

“Grant loved me. His love was quiet but consistent, and with each declaration I felt myself swoon with both pleasure and guilt. I did not deserve his love. If he knew the truth, he would hate me. I was surer of this than I had ever been of anything in my life.”

Victoria’s discomfort with people, lack of self-worth, and guilt about the farm fire make her feel out of place, even in the face of Grant’s affection. She is so convinced of his potential hatred that she keeps the fire a secret. This eventually compounds in her hiding her pregnancy from him, as she fears the consequences of tying them together with a child.

“‘Don’t think you’re going to stand there and say nothing. Everything’s going great, Elizabeth loves you, you’re happy—and then a no-show for your adoption proceeding? What did you do?’”

Meredith blames Victoria for Elizabeth’s missed court appearance, doubting the young girl is innocent. Victoria internalizes this blame, and the reader now knows where her self-consciousness stems from. This quote shows Meredith’s lack of empathy, paired with a fundamental shift in Victoria’s perception of her place in the world.

“Mothers died, babies died; mothers lived, and babies lived. Mothers raised babies and abandoned them, boys and girls, healthy and defected. I thought of all the possible outcomes, and not one seemed more tolerable than any of the others.”

Victoria grapples with the idea of motherhood, assuaging her concerns by reflecting on the long history of motherhood and child abandonment. She is uncertain of what she will do once her child is born.

“She was perfect. I knew this the moment she emerged from my body, white and wet and wailing. Beyond the requisite ten fingers and ten toes, the beating heart, the lungs inhaling and exhaling oxygen, my daughter knew how to scream. She knew how to make herself heard. She knew how to reach out and latch on. She knew what she needed to do to survive. I didn’t know it was possible that such perfection could have developed within a body as flawed as my own, but when I looked into her face, I saw that it clearly was.”

Victoria’s past misgivings about being a mother change the moment that her baby is born. She is awed by her baby’s ability to take care of herself, feeling redeemed for having given birth to her. This love contradicts all her previous emotions, showcasing her growth and capacity for further change.

“The baby and I would use dirty towels, sleep in dirty sheets, and wear dirty clothes. The idea of doing anything other than nursing and trying to nourish my own body as too overwhelming to consider.”

When Victoria’s chosen community begins to recede back into regular life, she quickly becomes overwhelmed. Victoria does not reach out for help and instead tries to rely on herself as she used to when she was homeless. She regresses, falling back on old habits and negating much of her growth. Her attempts to care for her baby, coupled with her own coping mechanisms, causes her to struggle in an already difficult situation.

“I covered my head with my arm, searching in the darkness for the brown wool blanket that wasn’t there. Sleep pulled me under again and I was protected, rocked, comforted. There was nothing but the darkness, the solitude, and the white petals of the verbena praying for me and for the child I wouldn’t let myself remember.”

Victoria fully regresses to her mental state at the beginning of the novel. Overwhelmed with motherhood, she searches for her old blanket and lays in flowers that she herself planted. It is this moment that convinces her that she is an ineffective mother. The presence of verbena is also significant, as Victoria notes earlier in the novel that it means “pray for me.” In sleeping under verbena, she subconsciously asks for help.

“Every decision I’d ever made had led me here, and I wanted to take it all back, the hatred and the blame and the violence. I wanted to have lunch with my angry ten-year-old self, to warn her of this morning, and give her the flowers to point her in a different direction.”

Victoria acknowledges her past mistakes while maintaining empathy for her younger self, once again recognizing the importance of the language of flowers. This reflection comes shortly after the reader learns that Victoria was responsible for the fire that ended her stay with Elizabeth. For the first time, Victoria begins to forgive herself. This contrasts with her awareness that she cannot change the past, no matter how much she would like to.

“Like Grant, my daughter deserved so much more than I could give her. I wanted her to carry hawthorn, laugh easily, and love without fear. But I could not give her this, could not teach her what I didn’t know.”

Victoria believes her daughter is better off with Grant, years of shame and guilt convincing her that she cannot give the child hope—represented by hawthorn.

“I lit the fire. I’m sorry. I never stopped being sorry.”

After a period of healing, Victoria reaches out to Elizabeth and confesses her role in the fire. She has reached a point in her life where her confession is more important than being forgiven, showcasing further growth. The simplicity of Victoria’s letter, paired with a symbolic stamp, illustrates the depth of her grief.

“Moss grows without roots. His words took my breath away. Throughout a lifetime of studying the biology of plants, the simple fact had eluded me, and it seemed now to be the one fact I needed, desperately, to have known.

‘What’s her name?’ I asked.

‘Hazel.” Reconciliation.”

With Grant’s help, Victoria has a revelation about her status as a mother. She now understands that she does not have to have positive family experiences to be a positive presence in her daughter’s life.