The Heart's Invisible Furies

Cyril learns to ride a bike in Amsterdam, as is the standard there; a license is required to do so. He fails the test three times before passing and is on his first solo ride to meet his boyfriend Bastiaan’s parents, the Van Der Berghs. He rides out to their farm and is greeted by two dogs, causing him to fall off his bike into a pile of cow excrement. Edda, Bastiaan’s mother, comes out to greet Cyril and invites him inside. She offers him a shower and some clothes.

While he is in the shower, Edda comes in to take his clothes and seems to pause for a moment to stare at his silhouette. She nods in approval and leaves. Cyril dresses and goes down to the kitchen where he meets Bastiaan’s father, Arjan. Arjan and Edda are both concentration camp survivors, who found each other shortly after the Holocaust. They tell Cyril of their experiences at the Anne Frank House knowing that Cyril works there now; they question his desire to work there, as he was not a part of the experience. Edda feels it must be a terrible and depressing place to work, but Cyril feels he has meaning for the first time. Cyril asks Arjan if he would come to the museum and talk about his experiences, but this upsets Arjan into anger. Bastiaan walks in, breaking the silence with his joyful mood.

Waiting at a bar for an old friend from the museum, Cyril spots the same man and boy who got in a recent altercation. He notices the man put a hand on the boy’s shoulder before gesturing for him to leave with another man who had just pocketed his wallet. Cyril presumes that the man is using the boy as a victim of sex slavery but does nothing as the boy gets into a car and is gone.

Cyril finds himself becoming a part of Amsterdam and Dutch culture, immersing himself in the arts, the museum, and a local pub called MacIntyre’s. The pub is owned by Jack Smoot, with whom Cyril forms a close acquaintance. When Jack mentions he is Irish, Cyril is shocked, as Jack no longer has an accent. Jack mentions that he knows a woman at the Dáil who saved his life decades ago (Catherine). They remain best friends, and she visits twice a year. Jack tells Cyril he is lucky to have gotten out of Ireland and wishes a tsunami would take the entire country away. He sees it as an evil place full of “sadistic priests and a government so in thrall to the collar” (326).

Cyril reveals he met Bastiaan at MacIntyre’s one night when he spotted Bastiaan reading a novel of Maude’s. Jack assures Cyril that the man likes him, having observed him before, and a few minutes later, Bastiaan returns to sit beside Cyril. Cyril knows instantly that Bastiaan is the one for him, and Bastiaan tells Cyril he is a doctor in disease research. Cyril asks if Ireland is as terrible as Jack says, and Jack interjects to show them his missing eye and cane. He shows them the picture of Seán on the wall, and shortly after, Cyril and Bastiaan leave for dinner.

Despite living in Amsterdam for several years, Cyril still thinks of Ireland as home and often feels sad at the prospect of never returning there. He rarely thinks of the people back home, but he does think of Charles and Julian from time to time. Bastiaan and Cyril moved in together two months before, and Cyril compares the ease of walking the streets with Bastiaan’s hand in his in Amsterdam to the violence that would surely result if they did the same in Dublin.

One night, they find a boy on their doorstep, wounded and cold. It’s the same boy that Cyril saw twice before. Bastiaan insists on taking him inside; together they drag the half-conscious boy into their apartment. They notice needle marks on his arm. The next morning they find the boy in his room, angry to have been locked inside. He demands money from them, thinking they must have raped him in his sleep. Bastiaan insists nothing of the sort occurred and refuses to pay. The boy lashes out physically, but Bastiaan catches him and the boy bursts into tears. The boy reveals his name is Ignac and he is from Slovenia. Bastiaan offers to buy Ignac lunch, but the boy panics and runs, taking Cyril’s wallet on his way out.

Three days pass, and on the third night Cyril wonders about Ignac and what he might have done with the money. He feels soured about Amsterdam, thinking the city may be far more corrupt than he believed. Just then, there is a knock on the door; Ignac is there. He hands Cyril his wallet, which is empty, and apologizes for stealing it. He asks if he can stay the night.

At the pub, Cyril notices the picture of Jack and Seán is taken in front of the same building he used to live in. Ignac is working for the pub now; three months have passed, and both Cyril and Bastiaan have grown fond of him. They helped him quit dugs, eat better, and get the job at Jack’s. Cyril notices how much Bastiaan cares for Ignac and asks him about becoming a father. Bastiaan admits he always wanted children. Cyril never really considered it but enjoys caring for Ignac. Ignac spends his free time writing stories, and Cyril tells him about Maude. Over their time together, Ignac revealed he was sent to Amsterdam by his grandmother after his mother died, and that he became a sex worker shortly after. He admits he actually likes women, not men. Ignac asks Cyril about Ireland and if he will ever take him to see it, and Cyril explains that memories of Ireland are difficult for him because the oppression of sexuality there was a source of trauma for him.

During their conversation, Ignac spots the pimp he used to work for. The man approaches and puts his arms around Ignac, who freezes in fear. The man, named Damir, demands that Cyril pay him for Ignac. Cyril replies that “we don’t live in a time of slaves” (344). Damir disagrees, accusing Cyril of sleeping with Ignac. He says he will figure out a price and send it to Cyril. Ignac is certain his short happiness has come to an end, and Cyril tries to reassure him, not being sure of anything himself.

Bastiaan and Cyril are on their way to MacIntyre’s for a late dinner with Jack where they plan to meet his friend from Ireland, Catherine. As they approach the pub, Damir appears. He has decided that instead of charging Cyril, he wants Ignac back. Damir reveals that Ignac is his son and that Ignac must obey. Cyril is shocked to hear that a father would hurt his own child in this way.

Damir charges inside and upstairs to Jack’s flat, bursting through the door. He calls Ignac out, but Ignac is accompanied by Jack, who has been through this before. Damir grabs Ignac and starts dragging him away when Cyril spots the same hurley stick that Catherine used decades before. He tries to hit Damir, but Damir is too large and strong; when Bastiaan attempts to punch him, Damir kicks him and then throws him down the stairs. Just as Ignac submits to avoid anyone else getting hurt, Jack stabs Damir in the back. Jack tells everyone to leave, and they spend most of the night awake in shock. Cyril is completely unable to sleep and goes for a walk to see the bar, and witnesses Jack and a female figure carrying the body out to her trunk.

Cyril is 42 and volunteers at the Mount Sinai Hospital in New York visiting patients with HIV or AIDS who do not otherwise get visitors. Cyril is visiting a man in his sixties, and when Cyril reveals he is Irish, the man rants about his hatred for the country’s people. When the man uses a slur to describe Cyril’s sexuality, Cyril corrects him, saying, “No, but I’m gay if that’s what you’re asking” (357). The man confesses his anger that people presume he is gay for contracting HIV; his wife and children abandoned him after he was diagnosed. He accuses Cyril and all gay men of spreading of the virus. Cyril changes the subject, asking the man about his career. The man continues, however, asking Cyril if he cheats on his boyfriend. He insists that, if Cyril isn’t cheating, his boyfriend must be, and accuses Cyril of enjoying watching people die.

Cyril is at a restaurant with Bastiaan and his friends, recalling a recent memory in which a woman spat on them and accused them of being “AIDS carriers” (361). One of the friends, Courteney, is a reporter who recently challenged President Reagan on his neglect of the AIDS crisis. Alex relays a story of Patient 741, a straight man who refrained from telling his family his diagnosis out of shame and fear of being seen as gay. A waiter appears and tells the party they have to leave, citing a complaint from other customers about their topic of conversation. Bastiaan becomes enraged and confronts the man who complained, asking him what’s wrong with him. The man seems to fear nothing and tells them to leave, and Bastiaan does so, remembering his responsibilities as a doctor.

Patient 563, Philip, is a 20-year-old man infected with HIV and nearing the end of his life. He has little strength to even open his eyes, but he is grateful for Cyril’s visit. Cyril discovers he and Philip both know Ignac, who is attending university for literature at CCNY (The City College of New York), where Philip was a student before his illness. When Philip indicates that he became sick because he is gay, Cyril is pained by the words. Philip reveals he had sex only once. Philip keeps confusing Cyril with James and believes himself to still be enrolled in school. Cyril ensures him he will come back and visit again.

Emily is Ignac’s girlfriend. She is 10 years older than him and refuses to call Cyril by his first name because she finds it strange. Emily comes into the kitchen one evening, clearly tussled after a night of love-making that Cyril heard as he walked in the door. When Emily reveals that she and Ignac might move to Dublin for a master’s degree he wants to pursue, Cyril is unsure how to feel. When Emily makes a remark that suggests she might be anti-gay and thinks that Cyril was dating Ignac when they met, it upsets Cyril, who already had suspicions. He tells Ignac he feels disrespected and lectures Ignac for revealing too much of their lives to Emily, warning him to consider more before going to Dublin with her.

Cyril’s favorite patient to visit is Eleanor DeWitt, a woman in her eighties who led an eventful life and met many important people. She acquired AIDS from a blood transfusion, and maintains a positive outlook of life, although the disease affects her memory often. Eleanor tells Cyril about the three gay men she married: The first, when she was 17, offered little affection; then Eleanor married a bisexual man who ended his life when he was 30, fearing old age; her third husband was a famous Hollywood star. After this, Eleanor’s mood turns rapidly, and she tells Cyril to leave.

While waiting for Bastiaan to finish his shift, Cyril makes small talk with the receptionist, who tells him offhandedly that Philip died. She notes that his remains were sent to a crematory, in a separate area from “the dead bodies of other people” (390). The receptionist sends Cyril to see Patient 741 while he waits. Cyril dreads meeting this patient after what he heard about him from Alex. In the room Cyril sees a man about his age, but nearly bald, sunken, and bruised. Seeing the man reminds him of something spoken about Auden by Hannah Arendt, a famous poet:

[L]ife had manifested the heart’s invisible furies on his face. He looked a hundred years old. He looked like a man who had died several months earlier. He looked like a soul in pure torment. But still I knew him. All the changes that the disease had made to his once beautiful face and body and still I would have known him anywhere (393).

Cyril realizes the man before him is Julian.

In shock, Cyril runs out of the hospital. He is brutally aware of the irony of finding his oldest friend dying from AIDS after lying to him about being gay for so long. After a while, he gathers up the courage to go back, and Julian seems relieved to see Cyril return. They catch up on their lost years, Julian telling Cyril he was loved and missed by many back home, and Cyril telling Julian about his volunteer position and Bastiaan. Julian warns Cyril never to mention his disease to anyone; like the elderly man Cyril visits, Julian blames gay people for spreading AIDS.

Julian grows angry the longer he talks to Cyril and accuses him once again of lying. Cyril calls Julian out on his seeming inability to see the parallels of his criticisms with his own promiscuous lifestyle. Julian brings up what Cyril did to Alice, which eventually leads to him revealing that Cyril has a son with her, Liam, and that Alice never got the marriage annulled as a result. Again, the irony occurs to Cyril as he realizes that he did to Alice what someone else did to Catherine. Cyril is shocked but tries to blame Alice for never telling him. Julian yells at him to leave.

Cyril gets a call from Bastiaan that Julian is about to die. He rushes to the hospital, and Julian is relieved to see Cyril is back. They reminisce about their youths; Cyril apologizes to Julian for his dishonesty. Julian forgives him, and they each express their love for one another. Julian asks Cyril to tell Alice how he died, pointing to a diary with her phone number inside, and Cyril promises to do so. Julian can feel himself dying and asks Cyril to hold him; Cyril lies down beside Julian, cradling him as he dies and for a few minutes afterward.

Cyril decides to walk home with Bastiaan to ease the pain, and on their walk, he realizes he forgot the diary. Bastiaan comforts Cyril as he begins to cry, overwhelmed by everything. Just then, two men yell a slur at them and begin running toward them, and everything goes blank.