The Goldfish Boy

Matthew keeps a secret box underneath his bed. Though he likes to imagine that the box is full of wonderful treasure, the reality is that what is inside the box is much less interesting. Only Matthew’s mother knows about his secret box; they both know that Matthew’s father would be upset if he knew about it. If Matthew looked down from his bedroom window, and if the blinds on the conservatory roof were positioned the right way, he could see his father playing pool by himself. His father had recently tried to get Matthew to join him, but Matthew declined his offer. Matthew is determined to never go into the conservatory again, as it is the place where the family cat, Nigel, has vomited countless times. The thought of all the germs lingering in the conservatory is enough to deter Matthew from playing pool, even if it would make his dad happy.

Matthew feels safest in his bedroom, which he describes as “the best part of the house” (18). Matthew’s bedroom is clean and free of germs. To Matthew, “dirt meant germs and germs meant illness and illness meant death” (18). To prevent chaos, Matthew feels obligated to stay on top of his cleaning.

Spending so much time in his room means Matthew is very familiar with it, even the smallest details. High in a corner above Matthew’s bed is an image on his wallpaper resembling the face of a lion; Matthew refers to the image as Wallpaper Lion and confides in him often. As with his cleaning habits, no one knows that Matthew talks to Wallpaper Lion.

Matthew’s friend Tom was the first person to notice something was off about him, when one day at school Matthew would make regular trips to the bathroom to scrub his hands. After that day, Matthew “pretty much stopped going to school” (20). At home, Matthew has much more control and can clean to his satisfaction. When his mother notices his excessive cleaning habits after catching him scrubbing the bathroom with bleach, she strikes up a deal with Matthew: Sheila promises to provide her son with a box of disposable latex gloves if he stops burning his hands with bleach.

With 14 pairs of gloves remaining, Matthew puts on a pair and begins his daily cleaning. From his bedroom window, he can see Teddy playing with a dead bird in Mr. Charles’s yard. Teddy tries to get his sister’s attention with the dead bird, pointing to it in the hopes she will take interest. Casey is dismissive of her brother, only wanting to play with her doll. Watching from his bedroom, Matthew feels uneasy; the sight of the dead bird and the thought of “all the diseases it must have crawling over it” make him anxious (25). Even from the safety of his room, Matthew worries about the possibility of the dead bird’s germs somehow making their way up to his bedroom and infecting him. Matthew believes that “one speck of dirt can quickly escalate to a whole infection,” so he must stay on top of his cleaning (25).

Matthew is sanitizing a book on his bookshelf when he hears a scream from outside. He sees Casey dragging Teddy by his ankle onto the grass. When Teddy retaliates by throwing her doll into the pond, Casey furiously pushes Teddy into the pond, where he struggles to stay afloat. Matthew is in shock; he thumps on his window to get Casey’s attention, urging her to get Mr. Charles to save Teddy. When Casey only glares at him, Matthew bangs on his window and urges Mr. Charles, who is talking to Penny and Gordon, to save Teddy. The adults manage to save Teddy from drowning, and are told by a hysterical Casey that he simply fell in. When Mr. Charles takes Teddy inside, Casey stops crying. In awe of her deception, Matthew watches Casey retrieve her doll before looking up at him again; she makes a face that resembles a fish, which Matthew finds unsettling.

Later that night, as Matthew lies awake, he hears a tapping sound coming from the other side of his bedroom wall and assumes “it was Casey trying to torment me” (29).

Every day Matthew’s mother delivers his meals to his room on a tray. The food is always accompanied by her trying to have a conversation with him from the doorway, which Matthew never entertains. Sensing that Matthew wants to be left alone, Sheila announces that she will be at Head to Toe, her salon, for a few hours. She has been going into the salon more than usual lately, which Matthew assumes is the result of wanting to “escape the problem indoors: me” (31). Before leaving Sheila promises to sort out the issue of school before the summer is over; she and Matthew’s father have been lying to his school, telling them he has mono. Sheila even tries to convince herself it is true, occasionally asking Matthew if his throat hurts: Matthew understands that this means she is “willing [him] to have something treatable, something with an end in sight” (32). She also mentions she has booked an appointment with the doctor for the next morning, but Matthew has no interest in going. When she tries to enter Matthew’s room to speak on the topic further, he panics at the sight of her bare foot trying to catch the door so she can wedge into the room. Eventually Matthew promises to see Dr. Kerr if she agrees to keep out of his room; she makes him promise “on Callum’s angel” (33).

Callum is Matthew’s baby brother, who died shortly after birth a few years ago. When Sheila leaves to go to the salon, Matthew immediately begins scrubbing at his carpet, tainted by his mother’s bare feet. As he cleans, he feels a similar uneasiness, one that always shows up whenever his parents mention Callum. The “guilt of what [Matthew had] done” lived inside him “like a vicious black beetle” (34).

After scrubbing the carpet, he gobbles down his lunch “before it became infected” and looks out the office window to see if anything is happening outside (34). Before long, he hears his doorbell ring: it is Mr. Charles, asking if his parents are home. When he discovers both adults are gone, he offers Matthew a babysitting job. Matthew declines the offer, and before Mr. Charles can try to convince him, they hear the children screaming from next door. Defeated, Mr. Charles leaves without saying a word.

It takes a long time for Matthew to join his mother in the car so she can take him to his doctor’s appointment. When the time comes to leave, he stays paralyzed on the doormat, terrified to leave the house and possibly encounter germs. Matthew dresses in a long-sleeved shirt, jeans, socks, rubber boots, and two pairs of gloves, despite the heat. As neighbors continue to walk by, puzzled by Matthew’s behavior, Sheila grows impatient with him. Eventually, Matthew makes it into the car.

On the ride to the doctor’s office, Sheila spots Tom in the street, but Matthew begs her not to draw any attention. Tom is Matthew’s best friend—or at least he used to be. Matthew is surprised to see Matthew hanging out with Simon, another boy from school who is known for telling lies about his life. The sight of Tom makes Matthew want to wash his hands, so he distracts himself by trying to focus on his mother’s chattering.

In the waiting room at the doctor’s office, Sheila and Matthew run into their neighbors, Melody and her mother Claudia. Melody sits next to Matthew and tries to make conversation, wanting to know what has been keeping Matthew from school. When Matthew refuses to tell her anything, she reveals that she has a cluster of verrucae on her big toe, which is why she needs to see the doctor. Melody continues to make chatter, even bringing up her hatred of their neighbor and classmate, Jake Bishop. Melody offers to come over to Matthew’s and hang out, but Matthew declines the offer, saying he has not been well lately. Matthew is saved when Melody is called to her appointment before he is but is horrified when she squeezes his forearm before she goes. Matthew ends up fainting from the stress of having been touched and wakes up with a cold washcloth on his forehead and a group of adults looking down at him. During his appointment, Dr. Kerr suggests seeing a therapist for counseling. Sheila is incredulous when she discovers it may take up to three months to book a therapy session. Before leaving, Matthew apologizes on his mother’s behalf, explaining that she is just stressed. Dr. Kerr tells Matthew to be a good boy and “stop messing around” (52).

Later that night, Matthew hears someone tapping on the other side of his bedroom wall again. This time, he hears a voice. It is Casey, who asks, “Are you there, Goldfish Boy? Are you back in your tank?” (53).

On Saturday, Matthew receives a letter from his therapist. Matthew’s dad delivers it to him, and unlike his wife does not hesitate to go into Matthew’s room. He walks in and opens Matthew’s window with his bare hands, which sends Matthew into a panic. Matthew’s parents are going off to Auntie Jean’s picnic and want to know if he will be attending. Auntie Jean’s Mighty Picnic used to be the highlight of Matthew’s summer. It was a time when Matthew could catch up with family and enjoy the summer weather. Last year’s picnic had been especially great; Matthew loved chowing down on all the picnic food and playing baseball for hours with his cousins and uncles.

Dad looks around Matthew’s room, noticing how clean it is. Though he insists that Matthew come with them to the picnic, Matthew makes up a lie about having to catch up on schoolwork. Still inspecting the room, Dad notices something under the bed; Matthew remembers about the box of latex gloves and tries to distract his dad with conversation. Dad is about to step forward toward the gloves when Sheila calls, ready to leave for the picnic. When they leave, Matthew can hear them speaking outside his bedroom. Sheila is worried, concluding that “our little boy is so frightened and there’s nothing we can do” (60).

When Matthew is inspecting the letter, he receives an email from Melody, who heard about the fainting. She also gives him an update on her verrucae. Matthew is unsure how to reply, and finally decides on a “polite but distant” approach (61). His approach does not work, as his reply only makes Melody eager to carry on the conversation. Matthew politely shuts down her invitation to hang out by feeding her the same lie about schoolwork he used on his father.

When he finishes up at the computer, Matthew hears Mr. Charles yelling from outside. Casey is covered in mud and making a mess of the yard Mr. Charles just cleaned. Matthew watches and jots down some notes in his notebook. When Casey spots him, she points up at the window, urging Teddy to behold “[t]he Goldfish Boy in his tank” (65).

It is another hot day, and Matthew is looking out his window again. He watches as his neighbors go about their day, leaving for work and to run errands. When he sees his reflection in the computer screen in the office, he looks worse for wear, “a blank face with hollow eyes” (67). He notices the scar above his right eyebrow, a reminder of the guilt he feels about Callum. Thinking about his brother, Matthew envisions what kind of child Callum would have been, and how different his life would be had his brother lived. Matthew misses Callum, even though he never met him.

Matthew snaps out of his daydreaming when he hears voices on the street. Jake is circling around on the block on his bike, seemingly trying to annoy Melody, who is trying to get to Matthew’s house. When she rings the doorbell, Jake asks her why she is ignoring his texts. He continues to berate her until Matthew comes to the rescue at his front door. When Jake is about to confront Matthew, he stops when he notices the door to the Rectory open. Old Nina stands there watching the children, eventually lifting an arm to point at Jake. Unsettled by the old woman, Jake hurries away on his bike. When Nina retreats inside, Melody is in disbelief; she cannot believe the old shut-in chased away her bully. When the excitement wears off, Matthew tells Melody she is free to leave. Melody, still excited, wants to know more about Nina, and is especially curious about the lamp she never turns off. Matthew, already stressed about the germs Melody may have brought in, tells her he is too busy to hang out. Melody is clearly hurt by his rejection and stomps out of the house and back outside.