The Golden Notebook

Again, the red notebook is also filled with newspaper articles, most of them about war and violence. Anna has marked all 679 mentions of “freedom” with a red pencil.

Again, there is only one entry written by Anna: It tells the story of a comrade from the British Communist Party named Harry. He had fought in the Spanish Civil War for his ideals; had rescued people during the air raids of World War II; kept portraits of Lenin and Trotsky on the walls of his flat; and learned to speak Russian. After Stalin dies, Harry believes that his time has come, that the revolutionary dream will at last be realized. He is invited on a delegation to the Soviet Union, and he thinks he has been summoned to speak to the new leader, that he will be lauded for his staunch beliefs. But, no, he has only been invited by a fellow comrade, and the visit yields nothing. He talks for a very long time to their tour guide, Olga, about his ideas, his views, his hopes; as it turns out, she is merely a tour guide, with no interest in history or politics. When the group returns to England, Harry finally marries, and his wife becomes pregnant.

The yellow notebook contains no more work on The Shadow of the Third, Anna’s novel-in-progress. Instead, there is a list of 19 different story and novel ideas: an idea for a short story on a woman who falls for a younger man; another about a man who uses adult language to cover his adolescent emotions; one on a woman who betrays her decent husband for an amoral lover; another on a woman who becomes ill because her lover is ill; a story about a woman in love who is suddenly filled with inexplicable fear; and one on a woman who falls in love with a man who only wants “refuge” (533). She has an idea for a story, written from the point of view of the man, wherein his jilted lover either marries or dies by suicide when he leaves. Another story concerns a woman who is an artist; her lover is jealous of her art, so she quits in order to focus on him. Then, he leaves her. She has an idea for a novel about an American who flees to London after being “blacklisted” as a communist; he is ostracized by the communist community in London after it is rumored that he works for the FBI. He dies by suicide.

The stream of ideas is briefly interrupted as Anna recounts meeting a male friend who tells her that Michael was foolish to leave her. The next story idea is based on something her psychoanalyst tells her, that “it’s often the most ‘normal’ member of a family or group who is really sick” (536). There is an idea for a short story about a man who has affairs to assert his independence and one for a novel entitled “The Man Who is Free of Women” (537). There are story ideas about a couple who read each other’s diaries; about an American man and an Englishwoman whose relationship is a commentary on their relative cultures; about a man and a woman who are so much alike they cannot be lovers, but only friends; about a couple who only experience desire for each other when the other is having an affair; and about a woman who has different personalities depending on the mood of her lover. Finally, there is an idea based on “the romantic tough school of writing” (539), about a group of male friends. Anna then concludes this notebook, as well.

The blue notebook resumes Anna’s journal, but without dates. Janet leaves for boarding school, and Molly informs Anna that an American is looking to let a room. Anna is not quite certain that she wants another tenant, but she agrees to meet with him. Saul Green decides to take the room, but his manner with Anna is “jarring, discordant” at first (549). He makes what she sees as a frank sexual assessment of her, but then displays an intelligent sensitivity about women, Molly in particular. His manner changes quickly. Over time, Anna realizes that Saul most likely has a mental illness.

The notebook is then broken up by numbered points with asterisks, as if Anna is making a list of ideas, events, or problems. The first concerns Saul lecturing Anna about her lifestyle, while the second records Anna’s realization that Saul, at some point, is no longer talking to her as an individual. She then understands that she should not sleep with him, as she begins to absorb his anxiety. Yet, she decides to have an affair with him anyway, noting that “I’d forgotten what making love with a real man is like” (561). She records her happiness, observing that Saul is also more relaxed. This state does not last long. He retreats from her, then disappears for days on end; she confronts him, and he claims that she is using him as protection against loneliness. She accuses him of the same.

They talk about politics. Saul has been branded a communist; thus, he leaves America in order to become a writer in England. He tells Anna about his difficult childhood, then immediately forgets having told her. She realizes that he either willfully forgets or has an impaired memory. She becomes affected again by his anxiety, and she realizes that he is having an affair with another woman. She notes that he does not even try to hide it, though he denies it vociferously and blames Anna for her suspicions. Anna finds his diaries and reads them, observing that she is not typically so unethical. These confirm her suspicions, and Saul also writes that “I don’t enjoy sleeping with Anna” (573). He is angry and defensive whenever she tries to broach the subject, and they engage in violent sex which shocks Anna. She begins to realize that whatever mental “instability” Saul is experiencing, she is also experiencing: “I’m conscious that we are both mad” (575). Anna leaves to visit Janet at school, feeling some momentary relief. Coming back to her flat, however, fills her with apprehension.

Anna realizes that the two of them are locked in a pattern of recrimination and reconciliation, but she cannot seem to break the cycle. They again are lulled into a brief period of uninterrupted happiness. When Anna reminds Saul that they have been together, alone, for a week, he becomes angry and denies it. He tells her he hates her because she is a “normal” person (585) and flees the flat. She drinks in order to calm herself, noticing again how connected they are to each other. She becomes obsessed with the news, with the destructive capacities of the war. When Saul returns, they again sleep together, then talk in a jumbled, chaotic way about politics. Anna feels herself dissolving further; she takes on the personality of Charlie Themba. She once again experiences her dream about the embodied imp of destructive malice. She tries to understand the dream in a positive way, as Mother Sugar had urged.

She tries to feel happiness, though the misery comes creeping back in. Still, she has a revelation. Saul leaves again, and she realizes that he is the one denying the joy of life, not her. She dreams again, imagining herself to be different people in dangerous situations: a soldier in Algeria or China, a conscript from Britain, or a student in Eastern Europe. When she awakes, she does not go to Saul. She decides that she will no longer keep four separate notebooks, just one. Still, she cannot yet make herself write. She must dream once again, and she becomes other people once again: “I knew that I had been delivered from disintegration because I could dream it” (600). She awakes, reluctant to be Anna again, but with a better understanding of herself, of what has been happening to her. She and Saul speak honestly to each other, perhaps for the first time: She is suffering from writer’s block, and he admits his resentments over her success as a writer.

Anna goes out to buy groceries and comes across a notebook. It is an expensive one, with “a heavy cover, of dull gold” (605). She buys it; this will be her new notebook, the golden one. Saul asks if he can have it, but she refuses him. She knows that Janet will be coming home soon and that she will again need to be responsible. She sees that Saul has written in the notebook, claiming that it is his, and she almost gives it to him. Her decision not to do so reflects her newfound self-possession. This will be her notebook.