The Gangster We Are All Looking For

The first line of the chapter opens with a metaphor to water and the sea, when the unnamed protagonist (whom we will refer to as “the Girl” in this guide) describes the yellow houses of Linda Vista as where she and her family “eventually washed to shore” (3) in California after fleeing Vietnam. But it wasn’t her family’s first home in America. Before Linda Vista, they had lived in the Green Apartment and, before that, the Red Apartment. The narrator says that she and her family were separated before the Red Apartment, with her mother left behind on a Vietnamese beach and the Girl and her father (whom she refers to as “Ba” in Vietnamese) escaping on a fishing boat with four men. She calls these unknown men “uncles” in familial terms to convey respect for her elders. The uncles, Ba, and the Girl wind up on a U.S. naval ship and then in a refugee camp in Singapore. They experience a disorienting plane journey and taxi ride to their new home in America. 

Here, the narrator provides backstory on Mr. Russell, an American who sponsors Ba, Girl, and the four uncles to immigrate to the U.S. Due to his time spent interacting with other cultures in the U.S. Navy, he’s moved to help the refugees or “Vietnamese boat people” (4) after hearing about their plight. However, after Mr. Russell’s death, the grief-stricken Mrs. Russell—his wife—persuades her son, Melvin (“Mel”) to take in the refugees. With new gold and silver keys dangling from his belt, Mel welcomes them to America underneath a poster of a man and woman tanning on the beach underneath palm trees. On the refugees’ first night in Mel’s home, they overhear a tearful conversation between Mel and his mother, who are still processing Mr. Russell’s death and the sudden influx of new people into their home. Ba tries to convince the uncles that Mel is a good person, stating: “If it wasn’t for him […] they would have sent us back the way we came” (7). The Girl is not entirely convinced; despite the language barrier between the refugees and their hosts, she can sense that something is amiss. Like the Russells, Ba is also tormented and cries at night under the palm trees.

Mel hires Ba and the four uncles to work on his maintenance crew. He asks them to touch up his properties after the paint has faded or make them “white again” (9). The Vietnamese men believe that white is an unlucky color associated with death. Ba asks, “Why white?”—to which Mel responds, “It’s clean” (10). Meanwhile, the Girl contrasts Mel’s forceful voice with Ba’s sad one to underscore their differing personalities. She continues on to describe how Mel began attending church services again with his mother after his father’s death. Mrs. Russell often visits Mel’s home after church, and in this way, becomes close to Ba and the Girl. Mrs. Russell purchases dresses and jewelry for the Girl. She also brings the father and daughter with her on trips to the snowy mountains. The Girl asks why Mrs. Russell doesn’t take them to the beach, since Ma is there. Ba corrects his daughter, stating that her mother is on the beach in Vietnam. But as a child, the Girl does not comprehend the vast geographic distance between the two beaches. She asks: “What was the difference?” (13).

Mrs. Russell, whom the Girl begins referring to as “the grandmother,” takes a photo of Ba and the Girl leaning against Mrs. Russell’s blue car on the first mountain trip. Afterward, they venture into the woods. Mrs. Russell smiles and cries while tracing some letters carved into a tree, implying that this place has some special meaning for her. The Girl plays a game where she follows in her father’s footsteps, leaving no trace of her own in the snow. They play hide-and-go-seek in the snow, bringing back memories of similar games played in the shadow of fishing boats back in Vietnam. The Girl uses plant and animal metaphors to describe her father’s transformation from a “big rock” to hiding in the snow to a “tree” and finally to a “wild horse” (15) that gallops across the snow while she clings to its neck. While the Girl and Ba spend time with Mrs. Russell on Sundays, the uncles become acquainted with other Vietnamese people at the pool hall.

The Girl dislikes wearing the pastel-colored, “American” dresses and uncomfortable plastic sandals given to her by the grandmother. The girl and her father play, mimicking bird sounds by repeating the word “Who?” The uncles wake up and complain about the girl “cooing like a common pigeon” (17). Ba walks the Girl to school. Ba tells the Girl not to make so much noise because Mel had complained about her “chattering” in her sleep. Reflecting her quick wit, the Girl replies, “Dumb birds chatter. I don’t chatter” (18). She hangs upside-down from the pole of a stop sign and looks at the children on the school playground. Her father tries to read the word STOP on the sign and instead pronounces it as “Suh-top!” (19), which serves as the title of this chapter. The Girl is the only Vietnamese student in her class. The teacher introduces the Girl by pointing to Vietnam or an “S-shaped curve” (19) on a globe—a shape which seems foreign to the Girl despite it being her country of birth.

On the school playground during recess, the Girl misses her older brother. Afterward, the children take naps on green plastic mats, but the Girl has a challenging time taking naps after her brother’s departure. She stays awake and sees a blonde doll and plays a game with the ceiling:

The game involved looking for a seam to the sky, a thread I could pull. I told myself that if I could find the thread and focus on it hard enough with my eyes, I could tear the sky open and my mother, my brother, my grandfather, my flip-flips, my favorite shells, would all fall down to me (21).

One time, the Girl knocks over a bowl of plastic fruit during nap time, prompting the teacher to shush her: “Shhhh!” (21).

Mr. and Mrs. Russell have built up a collection of animal figurines—largely horses—which Mrs. Russell sends to Mel after Mr. Russell’s death. The uncles help Mel move a glass cabinet into his office. Mrs. Russell and Mel unpack boxes that contain horse figurines, a tobacco pipe, and other objects and place the items in the cabinet. On the way out of the office, the Girl brushes against a golden butterfly encased in glass, which sits on Mel’s desk. As part of the girl’s normal routine, she changes out of the dress and into jeans and a T-shirt after school. She also reads or colors, but after she spots the butterfly, she begins sneaking into the office to spend time with the glass animals. She hears a whispering noise from the glass, like “wings brushing against a windowpane” (25). She believes this noise to be the butterfly’s way of speaking. She tells Ba that the butterfly is trapped but wants to escape, as indicated by the noise it makes: “Shuh-shuh/shuh-shuh” (26). Ba shakes his head to rid his mind of the butterfly noises. The Girl explains the butterfly’s circumstances to the uncles. One of them says that the butterfly is dead, and its soul must have flown away. The girl asks how the butterfly can still cry. An uncle responds:“Your Ba cries in the garden every night and nothing comes of it” (27). 

The Girl’s tenacious and childish innocence unfolds in her desire to help the glass horses: “[U]nless I set them right, they would remain that way forever. They were the dumbest animals I had ever met” (28). She shares stories of growing up in Vietnam with the animals, which include pigeons eating rice and roosters running on the beach with her. She also recalls a photo taken from the ship of Americans that had picked up Ba, the Girl, and the four uncles. The photo is of the boat that the refugees were using to escape Vietnam: “In the picture, our boat looks like a toy boat floating in a big bowl of water” (29). She speculates that that’s why the Americans laughed at the sight of the refugees. They laughed “at the sight of us so small” (29). She imparts other memories of America and Vietnam, but the horses don’t respond to her stories. The Girl concludes that “[t]he uncles were unaware it wasn’t the butterfly but rather these glass animals that had no soul” (31).

She relates another story about a recent dream, in which she steals a sign from a school crossing guard and uses it as makeshift boat after she turns on the faucets in the house. While she, Ba, and the uncles float away on the sign, the Girl sees her Ma standing on a beach through the glass disk which holds the butterfly. She swivels around on Mel’s desk chair while trying to remember her Ma’s face and brainstorming ways to free the butterfly. After she stops spinning, she sees a broken glass frame, which contains a photo of Mel and his mother—likely taken by Mr. Russell. The Girl then looks at Mr. Russell’s pipe in the cabinet. The girl throws the disc at the wall but misses and hits the glass cabinet. Some of the horses shatter and others topple over. As Ba and the uncles rush into the office, the girl spins and searches for the butterfly. She hears noises which are familiar from scenes earlier in the chapter: “Shuh-shuh/shuh-shuh.Suh-top!/suh-top!Shuh-shuh/shuh-shuh.Suh-top!” (35).