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55 pages 1 hour read

Dusti Bowling

The Canyon's Edge

Fiction | Novel/Book in Verse | Middle Grade | Published in 2020

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Themes

Healing From Trauma

After the traumatic shooting that forever changed her life, Nora is filled with fear, guilt, and anger. Her journey into the canyon on the anniversary of that tragedy becomes, somewhat ironically given the physical and emotional trials she endures, a healing journey. Bowling depicts both the toll that trauma and grief take on an individual and the hard but ultimately affirming work it takes to begin the healing process. Nora faces her fears, rebuilds her sense of self, allows herself to feel again, and emerges stronger and ready to move forward in life.

The shooting is cataclysmic for Nora. It takes her beloved mother’s life and physically and psychologically injures her father. It generates a host of negative emotions and thoughts in her, causing anxiety, fear, panic, nightmares, and mood swings from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Nora and her father socially isolate, and her lack of connection to others is reflected in her “After” hair, which represents the loss of Mom’s love and Danielle’s friendship.

Nora and Dad focus on coping, rather than healing and progressing past the trauma. They avoid reflecting on the tragedy, instead building emotional walls that protect them from others and protect themselves from self-examination. Mary notes that Nora and her father’s walls “are made of all the unhealthy things—guilt and shame and fear and anger” (15). Their walls hold in pain, rather than protect against it. Nora’s repressed feelings create the Beast, which represents everything she’s trying to keep from processing, including all the negative things she feels about herself, like her self-blame, survivor’s guilt, lack of self-esteem, and feelings of selfishness and weakness.

As she illustrates through her insightful poetry, however, Nora is highly introspective. She remembers and frequently acts on Mary’s therapeutic suggestions to ground herself during PTSD attacks and when she feels overwhelmed by the Beast. Nora recognizes when she’s lying to Mary—and to herself—with the acrostic poems and knows that her emotional wall is really “just / Frosted Flakes” (78).

Nora’s ordeal in the canyon forces her to confront the feelings she has repressed, vanquish her “self-condemnation,” and free herself from the Beast. As she begins to gain confidence in her own strength, she acknowledges her role in pushing Danielle away and releases the guilt she feels over her parents’ and Sofia Moreno’s sacrifice. Now, Nora can redefine herself. In “More,” Nora comments that she has “searched in this desert / above [her]self, / beside [her]self, / below [her]self / to find [her]self” (252). She stops defining herself through her loss and PTSD, instead following Mary’s advice to “[b]e defined by [her] post-traumatic growth” (261).

As Nora’s self-knowledge and acceptance grow, she begins to heal. She notes, “Acceptance of self, / in order to fully heal, / is necessary” (250). Nora shows her increasing emotional strength when she rewrites her Beatles dream and her nightmare, opening herself to positive memories of Mom’s love. In “Freedom,” Nora describes how she now chooses “hope,” “acceptance,” “love,” and “peace” over their opposites (266), the negative emotions that have been holding her back. In “Strength,” Nora describes how she pulls energy from the love she feels from others, including Dad, Mom, and Danielle. Nora’s powerful connection to Mom helps her heal. As she jumps the canyon, she feels Mom’s “love, / her belief, / her courage, / her beauty, / gives [her] flight, / carries [her] on the desert wind / to the other side of healing” (269). Nora learns that love outlasts loss. Buoyed also by her triumphs of physical survival like free-soloing the canyon wall, she at last internalizes Mary’s assertion that Nora is brave, powerful, and strong.

Nora can now look at the painful past year as a “first draft” and see how she has grown and changed. Mary tells Nora, “[Y]our healing is like the water carving you. It takes time. It’s a never-ending process. But as you heal and grow, something beautiful and layered and solid and lasting is formed” (10). Nora learns that she’s strong like the desert. Although she’s physically scarred from the canyon, her emotional scars begin to mend. Nora is a trauma survivor.

The Keys to Survival

The Canyon’s Edge is a classic example of wilderness survival fiction. The theme of braving and overcoming natural obstacles is integral to the novel. The external conflict that Nora faces, surviving and escaping the harsh desert environment with Dad, frames her other, internal conflicts. Nora shows that she has physical and mental strength, courage, knowledge, and adaptability to persevere and triumph in deadly conditions.

Thanks to her adventurous, desert-loving parents, Nora has a strong set of outdoor skills. Dad told her at age six, “You never know what you might face / in the desert… / You have to be prepared for / everything” (201). Her parents took her hiking in the Grand Canyon when she was an infant. Nora learned rock climbing at age six in Dad’s gym. Together, they have visited stunning natural wonders and important Native American cultural sites in Arizona like Antelope Canyon, Montezuma Castle, and Canyon de Chelly. Nora knows that her parents wanted to share and impart their love of the southwest by showing and teaching her “everything they knew / about the desert” (141).

Nora does treasure the desert: its people, history, flora, and fauna. She appreciates the lessons learned from Native American peoples, like the weaving of the Tohono O’odham. During her canyon survival experience, despite being in an agony of pain, thirst, and worry, Nora is nevertheless “wonderstruck” to see the fox. She uses nature imagery to describe her own feelings: Her “Before” and “After” are delineated as clearly as a ring in a tree that indicates a drought.

While Nora truly loves the desert, she also respects that it’s one of nature’s harshest environments and recognizes its potential dangers. She writes, “Everything in the desert has thorns. / Everything in the desert hurts you” (222). In “Forgive,” Nora compares the desert to an unforgiving judge and a “muscular bully,” both of whom are quick to punish visitors who make mistakes—as she does. Fortunately, Nora has the knowledge, adaptability, courage, and fortitude to survive.

Left without any supplies except the clothes she wears, Nora shows her resourcefulness in surviving in inhospitable conditions. She realizes that she can live for only three days without water: Time is critical. She uses several of the most important basic survival skills: finding shelter, sourcing food and water, and signaling for help. This outdoors knowledge, coupled with her extensive knowledge of desert life and terrain, help her make important survival decisions. As she searches for Dad, she prioritizes finding water, sourcing it from puddles and digging and straining mud through her tank top. She finds food because she understands that desert creatures store food in their shelters, and thanks to her knowledge of desert plants, she recognizes what’s edible and what’s toxic. Nora finds shelter to protect herself against the cold night winds and rubs mud on her face to protect her skin from the sun. Her knowledge of and preparedness for desert dangers help her survive.

Nora’s adaptability to changing situations is another important factor in her survival. She pivots when she hears thunder on the second night and strives to find an elevated shelter. She entertains different possible options for getting help—such as returning to the Jeep or hiking out to find assistance—but decides to keep searching for Dad. Faced with the loss of the rope, Nora changes plans and climbs to the top of the canyon. Her ability to plan and react to events and bounce back from setbacks shows her resilience, a key survival—and life—skill.

Physically, Nora shows amazing bravery and endurance. She endures innumerable injuries but refuses to succumb to her pain—or give up. Nora is legitimately proud of her courage in overcoming her fears and triumphing over potentially deadly encounters and activities, like toughing out the scorpion venom and free-soloing the 40-foot canyon wall. Her physical strength is sustained by her mental fortitude. Her self-talk becomes positive, reflecting her new belief in herself. She writes, “I fell yesterday. / I won’t fall today” (197). Her striking out the first line shows Nora’s fierce determination.

Although she struggles with self-confidence, fears of dying, and PTSD symptoms, Nora overcomes all these mental obstacles and continues moving forward—physically toward Dad and emotionally toward healing. Nora is a survivor in part because of her love for Dad: Her drive to find and rescue him keeps her going. She’s also a survivor because she chooses to survive: Nora wants to live. When she flags down the helicopter, she shows this tenacity and new commitment to life, saying, “I’m still here. / I’m still alive. / I’m still fighting” (294). Nora’s desire to have a future is an important psychological aspect of her success—and an important complementary theme of the novel.

Finding the Courage to Live

Nora and her father didn’t die in the shooting at Café Ardiente, but Nora knows that for the last year they’ve been “slowly dying” rather than embracing life (22). Their emotional walls and inability to process their loss and grief have kept them from moving forward and starting a new chapter of their lives. In the canyon, Nora faces her two worst fears: dying and losing her last remaining parent. Her near-death experiences help Nora appreciate the value of life and embrace it rather than hide from it.

Ever since the tragedy, Nora has struggled to manage the symptoms of PTSD, which hold her back from fully engaging with life. While she recognizes that she misses Danielle, is tired of being socially isolated, and longs to return to a semblance of normalcy, she simultaneously makes the same isolating choice as Dad by constructing her emotional wall. While Mary’s voice cautions that being numb to emotion is the equivalent of death, Nora thinks that numbness is preferable to the pain that is now a part of life.

Although Nora doesn’t actively want to die, she expresses ambivalence about her life. She admits that since the tragedy, she fears dying and is typically very cautious about her actions. At the same time, while not “reckless,” Nora feels that her life “doesn’t matter” (138). Her life lacks value and meaning.

Nora searches for meaning in her traumatic experience, asking “Why, why, why?” (56). She needs an answer to why someone would randomly shoot others. She admits that this is why “Dad sent [her] to Mary” (57). Nora searches for patterns where there are none, hoping to find a sign of some divine purpose or design behind the tragedy. Nora is essentially asking why bad things happen to good people—a common question among those who experience trauma and loss. Without an answer, without knowing that there is purpose to life, Nora feels insignificant, “small and powerless” (57). Mary doesn’t—and can’t—give Nora an answer to her questions but does steer her toward finding value in herself, others, and life. While the universe may not have a purpose, individuals do. It’s up to each person to find and give meaning to their life.

The canyon gives Nora a “liminal space”—a transitional space—in which she, through physical and emotional trials, discovers her will to live. She remembers her family’s visit to Canyon de Chelly and how the guide told them that “the canyon expresses silhasin, / harmony” and “gives much to those / who would receive it” (68). Nora initially thinks the slot canyon she’s trapped in only “takes away,” but she does achieve harmony with herself. The natural world around her affirms the value of life. Nora sees how, in the desert, everything struggles to survive and nothing gives up, from the tough barrel cactus to the circling turkey vultures. Nora sees that nature is full of hidden strengths, like the unseen water below the land in aquifers, the unlikely sustenance in the dried mesquite bean, and the forbidding prickly pear. Nora compares herself to the creosote bush, which can live for two years without water. It can lose its leaves and branches, but the plant’s roots stay alive. Nora feels that, like the creosote, she has the internal strength to “come back.” Nature helps her learn not to give up on herself or her life. The novel alludes to several biblical stories, and Nora’s time in the canyon invites a biblical parallel with Jesus’s days in the desert. Nora faces trials and gains self-knowledge and courage. Although not precisely tempted by the devil, Nora does renounce the Beast, rejecting its message and choosing life.

Nora’s new desire to live—and live fully—is an important part of her survival. It gives her greater impetus to rescue Dad and escape the desert. She jumps the canyon, and (emotionally) her broken wall, moving “[o]ut of the past and into the future” (268). Nora now looks forward to the “After After” in which she leaves behind her pain and isolation to reconnect with life, rebuilding her friendship with Danielle. Although Nora doesn’t get an answer to her question about the “why” behind her traumatic experience, she does receive a different answer, one that’s real for her “even if it is a dream” (291): Nora’s mother tells her she loves her and is proud of her. This positive affirmation of love, and the knowledge of Dad and Danielle’s love, give Nora the meaning she seeks in life.

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