Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships

Nonfiction | Book | Adult | Published in 2006

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Summary

Background

Chapter Summaries & Analyses

Part 1, Chapters 1-3

Part 1, Chapters 4-6

Part 2, Chapters 7-9

Part 3, Chapters 10-12

Part 4, Chapters 13-15

Part 5, Chapters 16-18

Part 6, Chapters 19-21

Key Figures

Themes

Index of Terms

Important Quotes

Essay Topics

Tools

Beta

Discussion Questions

Part 3, Chapters 10-12Chapter Summaries & Analyses

Part 3: “Nurturing Nature”

Chapter 10 Summary: “Genes Are Not Destiny”

Goleman describes a research experiment in which infants are presented with successive new toys at 20-second intervals. Goleman states that some infants love the novelty and others hate it, beginning to cry. This illustrates the inherent trait of “inhibitedness,” a neurotransmitter pattern that makes the baby’s amygdala more excitable and thus prone to becoming overstimulated by new sensations and experiences.

A second anecdote, however, points to caregiver action as a potential treatment for inherent anxiety. Researcher John Crabbe observed that genetically identical mice nevertheless had very distinct reactions to novel situations, some of them clinging to the walls of a new space and others adventuring into the center with confidence. Crabbe believes that the variability of different caregivers, some confident and skilled and others nervous or clumsy, had a noticeable impact on the behavior of the mice.

Though all the mice possess the same genes, environmental factors change the way those genes are expressed in different individuals. The influence of environment and experience on genetic expression is known as “epigenetics.” Goleman uses the term “social epigenetics” to refer to epigenetics as it pertains to social interaction.

Goleman describes a study of genes associated with aggression. A particular gene produces an enzyme that inhibits aggression. When this gene is less active, the person is prone to become angry more quickly and to stay angry longer. When the gene is more active, it expresses a lot of enzyme, and the person is still capable of becoming angry but recovers quickly.

In an ambitious study led by George Reiss at George Washington University, 720 pairs of teenagers, some identical twins, some regular siblings, and some stepsiblings, engaged in a study of how genetics affected their development. They discovered that multiple environmental factors influenced development, including specifically a child’s self-conception. Repeated experiences were also shown to shape spindle cell growth, such that children who experienced repeated stress or trauma were primed to feel stressed in novel situations, while those who experienced predominantly warmth and kindness were primed to react to those same novel experiences with feelings of excitement or happiness.

Goleman ends this chapter by relating an anecdote about one of the “inhibited” children from the study at the beginning of the chapter. Though his amygdala was easily excited because of his genetics, he was able to train himself out of his shyness through the encouragement and support of his family and peers, showing the effect of social epigenetics.

Chapter 11 Summary: “A Secure Base”

The chapter opens with an anecdote about a young man who appeared to have a bright future ahead of him yet was contemplating suicide. A childhood full of terrible neglect had left him traumatized, unable to show any vulnerability or ask for help, afraid of being shunned and shamed as his parents had done in his childhood.

From birth, states Goleman, “babies are not mere passive lumps” but assertive communicators actively seeking connection (163). Babies have to nonverbally “manage” their caretakers in order to survive and thrive. Through expressions, coos, babytalk, touch, and gesture, the child engages in a “protoconversation” with its caregivers. As a child learns to talk, it also learns “that private inner conversation we call thinking” (164).

Goleman relates further anecdotes that show the importance of a caregiver’s positive emotional presence and attunement to their baby’s mental health and growth: When preschool children who had been abused or neglected were read highly emotional stories, the abused children saw anger in the stories where well-cared-for children saw sadness or disappointment.

However, abused children can heal in adulthood when provided with the “secure base” they lacked in childhood with their caregiver.

Chapter 12 Summary: “The Set Point for Happiness”

The opening anecdote describes a grumpy three-year-old telling her uncle that she hates him. He tells her that he loves her in return, and they both insist on their emotions until the three-year-old finally gives in and gives her uncle a hug.

As children observe the adults around them, their OFCs communicate to their amygdalas the strategies that they witness adults using to mitigate distress. This means that witnessing adults using healthy coping strategies for distress teaches the child’s mind to automatically engage in a version of that coping strategy when faced with their own distress.

Goleman relates further anecdotes that emphasize the importance of play and imagination as a means for children to grow into resilient, strong adults. Children require a “safe base,” like their room or their home, to return to after confronting new and challenging experiences in the wider world.

Goleman relates a final anecdote about one of his granddaughters, who when she was two became fascinated by the movie Chicken Run, a dark animated comedy about chickens trying to escape from a poultry farm where they will be slaughtered if they stay. His granddaughter called the movie “really scary” but also confessed that it was her favorite.

Goleman uses this anecdote to demonstrate the benefits of feeling “just scared enough” (184): A type of learning occurs in response to challenging but ultimately manageable levels of stress. Too little stress, and there is no lesson learned. Too much, and the child can get stuck in fear-arousal mode and fail to learn how to conquer fear. Repeated experiences of being overwhelmed by fear can prime a child to be overwhelmed by fear in the future, just as repeated experiences of overcoming fear can prime a child to overcome future fears.

Part 3, Chapters 10-12 Analysis

Part 3 reframes the longstanding debate between nature and nurture by emphasizing the importance of “social epigenetics,” the study of how our experiences affect the way our genes operate. According to Goleman, “The human brain is designed to change itself in response to accumulated experience” (152). In this way, the environment and the behaviors of a person’s caregivers, family, and friends have significant impacts on the development of their brain.

Goleman cites a study showing that a mind-boggling array of factors are relevant in children’s development. Children in the study were affected by factors like their birth order, their sibling relationships, their friend relationships, and most surprisingly, the way they thought about themselves. Their self-conception shaped their behavior far more than any other factor measured in the study. Goleman describes strategies for helping a child develop a positive and resilient self-conception. He emphasizes the importance of learning self-regulatory skills early in life and points to positive caregiver relationships as a way to teach self-regulation.

As he does throughout the book, Goleman uses anecdotes to illustrate the abstract concepts he introduces. Describing an uncle who responds to his young niece’s anger with patience, humor, and love until she mirrors his emotions and re-establishes her affection for him, Goleman shows how adults can model prosocial behaviors for children while their brains are still in an early stage of development. This anecdote illustrates two of the book’s key themes: In considering how these early, positive interactions build neural pathways that will continue to influence the niece’s behavior as she grows, Goleman highlights The Neurobiology of Relationship Dynamics; meanwhile, in showing how the niece’s mood and even her words mirror those of her uncle, Goleman shows the role of Emotional Contagion as the Basis of Human Interaction. No child can be protected from all conflict, but children thrive when they learn to repair connections that have been strained or damaged. The greater a child’s confidence that they can fix social hurts, the more resilient that child will become.

Goleman further explores The Neurobiology of Social Interaction in early childhood development, emphasizing the power of play and imagination in building resilience. The concept of the “secure base,” important throughout the book, comes into play here as children who feel more secure in their connection to a parent or caregiver are more willing to take risks and explore the world around them. The “protoconversation” young children have with their caregivers builds neural pathways that will allow them to build rapport with others throughout their lives.

Goleman also considers the role of early childhood development in The Modern Science of Social Pathology. The plasticity of the developing brain has both positive and negative consequences. Just as it allows children to build resilience and learn positive forms of social interaction, it also means that children who are abused or neglected develop mental habits that may affect them well into adulthood. Abused children later become sensitized to anger and hyper-aroused by its possible presence. Goleman returns to Martin Buber’s concept of the “I/you” versus “I/it” relationship to explain this phenomenon. These children were treated as an “it” instead of a “you,” and the damage is deep. However, that damage has the potential to be repaired through neuroplasticity. Some find it in a spouse, others in a therapist. Rapport, trust, and a true I/you relationship can heal trauma created by caregiver neglect.