Slow Dance

Rowell’s narrative posits that unlike the simpler, more straightforward dynamics of teenage desire, adult relationships are messy and fraught with burdensome emotional and physical baggage. Cary and Shiloh, having known each other since their teenage years, carry the weight of their shared history with them. Both come from difficult family situations where they never witnessed healthy romantic relationships. Moreover, their past together is complicated by the fact that they have already tried to pursue their romance and failed. Their pasts are intertwined with their present, just as Rowell intertwines the two narrative timelines, influencing every choice they make. Shiloh must view every decision through the lens of her divorce agreement and what’s best for Junie and Gus. For Cary, every life choice filters through his military career, which sends him away for long periods of time. These adult complications create barriers to their connection, making it difficult for them to navigate their feelings and communicate openly for fear of saying what they know is true—pursuing a relationship as adults will be hard. Their experience illustrates how the past can cast a long shadow over the present, complicating relationships and making it challenging for adults to commit.

Rowell’s narrative also explores the challenge of vulnerability as a key complication of adult relationships. As adults, Cary and Shiloh have built defenses around their hearts, shaped by failures, trauma, and disappointments. This reluctance to be vulnerable with one another leads to misunderstandings and missed opportunities for healing. Shiloh’s fear of being hurt leads to emotional guardedness, complicating the relationship. Cary’s fear of vulnerability is not just about protecting himself from pain but also about the difficulty of reconciling who Shiloh is in the present with the Shiloh of the past. The passage of time complicates their relationship as Cary observes, “Things change, Shiloh, whether or not you participate in the rituals of transition” (53). Their choices and life paths have caused priorities to shift and personalities to change. Shiloh and Cary must contend with the fact that the person they once loved is simultaneously the same person they’ve always known and an entirely different person altogether. This evolution adds complexity to their relationship, as they must examine how they grew apart before working on growing together. 

Rowell suggests that Cary and Shiloh's greatest challenge is resolving the tension between the responsibilities and needs of their adult lives and their desire for love and connection with each other. As adults, Cary and Shiloh have their own lives and personal aspirations, which sometimes conflict with their relationship. Their need for autonomy and fulfillment often comes into tension with the demands of maintaining a relationship. Once they make peace with the past, Cary and Shiloh move on to managing expectations for the future. Cary says, “I can’t give you the past […] But we could have a future” (289). Cary is unwilling to give up his military career, and Shiloh can’t leave Omaha because of her children. To make it work, each must be willing to compromise and sacrifice to maintain their relationship. Shiloh softens her position about the military, and Cary accepts Shiloh’s honesty about her sexuality and unwillingness to be a stereotypical Navy wife. The reconciliation of desire and expectation proves to be demanding yet fulfilling work in pursuing healthy adult relationships. Cary and Shiloh’s relationship highlights the difficulties of loving someone as an adult and the inevitable changes that come with time. It offers a realistic and empathetic exploration of the complications of mature relationships, showing that while love in adulthood can be challenging, it is also rich with potential for growth and deep connection.