Slow Dance

Rowell evokes the narrative perspective of Cary, her second dual protagonist, to chronicle his slow-burning, second-chance romance with his high school best friend, Shiloh. She positions the military as a core part of Cary’s identity, something Shiloh resents as a teen. Shiloh reflects: “Of course Cary would get hung up on the sacred honor of it all. He’d always loved an oath” (28). Yet, as an adult, she grows to profoundly respect his devotion. From the beginning, Rowell characterizes Cary as a person with a strong sense of personal discipline and duty both to his country and to those he loves, in contrast with Shiloh’s antiestablishment convictions—yet their shared experience of difficult childhoods draws the two together. Neither has a father living at home, and both teens dream of escaping Omaha and forging a new path. Though he never tells her, Cary feels deeply attracted to Shiloh and restrains himself from acting on his attraction. His pining becomes the source of his most significant internal conflict, revealing his struggle to reconcile his deep affection for Shiloh with the fear of being unable to meet her or his own emotional needs. Rowell evidences this struggle in his persistent feelings of inadequacy, as he perceives himself as someone constantly trying to piece together his life and emotions. Cary’s interactions with Shiloh reveal his struggle to fully penetrate her emotional shields, which holds him back from embracing and expressing his feelings. He often feels on the brink of connecting with Shiloh but never quite succeeds, creating frustration and longing that adds to the dramatic tension of Rowell’s narrative. His inability to close the emotional gap between them becomes a recurring motif, highlighting both Cary and Shiloh’s struggle with intimacy.

Reconnecting with Cary as an adult reveals his quiet strength and dependability to Shiloh, foregrounding the novel’s thematic exploration of Finding New Beginnings in Familiar Places. Though she’s “always felt like Cary was sort of her territory” (36), losing him teaches her that he’s not only her ideal partner but also a fundamental part of her life. Shiloh witnesses Cary as a devoted son and sibling as he cares for Lois and his sisters. Cary is the only person with whom Shiloh feels safe to be her authentic self. He is attentive to her physical and emotional needs, encouraging of her evolving sexuality, and empathetic and deeply committed to supporting her as she parents her children. Cary’s experience demonstrates the complications faced by those who choose a career in the military and the challenges of finding a balance between work and personal life it creates. Through his arc, Rowell explores the idea that a person can be devoted to a vocation and yet still maintain a relationship and family.

Mikey is the third member of Shiloh and Carey’s trio of high school friends, and his wedding provides the setting for their reunion after a 14-year separation. Though the story focuses on Shiloh and Cary’s intense connection, Mikey embodies their shared history as the person who’s known them through every phase of their relationship and keeps each of them apprised of the other’s life when they’re out of contact. Mikey’s wedding to Janine represents the catalyst for Shiloh and Cary’s romance and character arcs, but also marks a turning point in Mikey’s life as he returns to Omaha with his new wife, Janine, to start a family, highlighting the theme of Finding New Beginnings in Familiar Places. Becoming a father right after getting married plunges Mikey into a new phase of life, which he shares with Shiloh as she embarks on a relationship with Cary.

In the novel's conclusion, Rowell reveals that in high school, Mikey is the first person to tell Shiloh she and Cary belong together, suggesting that even during their 14 year separation, they remained connected through Mikey. He encourages Shiloh to pursue making the relationship work and eventually helps Cary pick out the engagement ring. The narrative makes Mikey’s joy over their reunion explicit: “Shiloh and Cary [are] Mikey’s supporting characters, and he [is] pleased to have them where he [wants] them. Or moving that way” (376). When Cary plans for the future, he wants him and Shiloh to live near Mikey and his family. Mikey represents the beauty of shared history and the value of maintaining those relationships into adulthood.

Ryan is Shiloh’s ex-husband and the father of her two children who acts as a foil to Cary throughout the narrative. Shiloh met Ryan while still in college, shortly after her whirlwind romantic weekend with Cary. Both share a love of theater and, despite their differences, Shiloh admits that Ryan is a loving, devoted father to his children. The narrative highlights the charisma that initial attracts Shiloh to him: “Ryan’s smiles were very effective as a rule. He was very charismatic. Very attractive, to most people. Even Shiloh sometimes” (115). Just days after Gus’s birth, Shiloh learns that Ryan has had multiple affairs with co-workers and even a former student. Her divorce from Ryan guts Shiloh emotionally and financially and forces her to move back home with her mom at age 33. Ryan and Shiloh agree to a complicated child custody rotation where the kids are never apart from either parent for more than a few days. Additionally, they agree to no overnight guests while the children are home—an arrangement that adds logistic and emotional complications to the relationship between Shiloh and Cary.

Throughout the narrative, Rowell positions Ryan as representative of Shiloh’s physical and emotional burdens. She wrestles with the mistake of marrying the wrong person and his betrayal, yet she fondly remembers parts of their life together. Despite no longer being married, Shiloh and Ryan must remain cordial to make their co-parenting plan work. They still share celebrations and must collaborate on matters involving the children. This tension complicates Shiloh’s life, and she convinces herself that no one will want to date her because she carries too much. As Shiloh examines her life and her sexuality, she begins to understand just how much of herself she suffocated to be with Ryan—a critical step in her personal growth and arc. In the novel’s conclusion, Rowell emphasizes Ryan’s role as a foil to Cary, emphasizing him as the opposite of everything Cary desires to be as a partner. In contrast to her marriage with Ryan, Shiloh feels free to be herself with Cary and fearless about showing him every part of her.