Slow Dance

“That her final form was nothing like her larval stage. And not in the good, butterfly way.”

Being at Mikey’s wedding makes Shiloh reflect on her life with a mix of regret and realism. Her insect metaphor emphasizes the profound changes she’s undergone since high school, yet she undercuts the metaphor by framing her current form as undesirable and disappointing. Shiloh’s attitude highlights the struggle of reckoning with unmet expectations and the search for identity and growth in adulthood.

“She felt heavy all of a sudden. Like she was made of concrete. Like she didn’t have fully articulated joints.”

Mikey and Cary force Shiloh to dance at their senior prom, triggering her anxiety. Rowell’s simile and vivid sensory language convey Shiloh’s physical response to emotional discomfort, which inform her insecurities and behaviors as an adult.

“Everyone else had faded so fast. High school already felt like ancient history. But nothing about Shiloh had faded. If anything, her memory had taken on sharp edges.”

Shiloh’s belief that others’ high school memories have faded while her memories have remained vivid reinforces her sense of herself as a misfit and outlier both in high school and in adulthood. The imagery of her sharp-edged memories that become more distinct and intense over time rather than softening or fading, points to elements of her past that are emotionally unresolved and painful. The passage underscores Rowell’s motif of memory and its impact on Shiloh’s life. While most aspects of the past fade, some remain vivid and influential, shaping her present in powerful and complex ways.

“He felt like he’d gotten the tiniest peek into the world he wanted. Like a door had swung open and immediately closed.”

Dancing with Shiloh at Mikey’s wedding opens the door for Cary to fulfill his desire to be with her for the first time in years. Comparing the moment to a door symbolizes an opportunity for him to change his life and be happy. The metaphor conveys Cary’s sense of a tantalizing nearness to Shiloh, laying the groundwork for the arc of their relationship as adults over the course of the novel. The imagery of a closed door captures the abruptness of the broken spell, a chance that was briefly available but quickly taken away.

“Cary felt hot inside, and messy. Like his true feelings were going to flood in and destroy everything. Being with Shiloh was always hard work-managing his emotions, managing her excesses. This was too much. His safeguards were failing.”

Rowell’s comparison of Cary's feelings to something potentially destructive highlights the intensity of his emotions during his first sexual encounter with Shiloh. Cary’s experience highlights his struggle to manage his feelings about Shiloh and his fear of letting her see how much he cares.

“His face was full of feelings, but Shiloh wasn’t sure which ones.”

Rowell’s descriptions Shiloh and Cary’s struggle to understand one another emphasizes the novel’s thematic interest in The Complications of Adult Relationships. Cary’s pained facial expression reveals that he longs to share his feelings with Shiloh but restrains himself out of fear. She tries to read his face but finds she lacks the skill to interpret what he is going through and what it means for them.

“When he finally kissed her, Shiloh felt all her internal architecture collapse- everything she’d ever told herself about how she and Cary fit together and what they were meant to be.”

Shiloh and Cary’s kiss marks a turning point in their relationship and in the narrative arc of the story, causing Shiloh to become more emotionally vulnerable as her preconceptions are shattered. Cary's kiss dismantles the carefully constructed emotional barriers that Shiloh has created. She feels disoriented as if the foundation of her understanding of her relationship with Cary has been destroyed, underscoring the unpredictable and transformative power of love and the fragility of the stories people create to shield themselves from pain.

“Shiloh felt like she was being wrapped in tissue paper and set in a shoebox, like she was being shoved under Cary’s childhood bed.”

Cary’s words make Shiloh feel like something delicate and fragile that he carefully puts away and forgets, like a keepsake stored out of sight. The focus on Cary’s childhood bed deepens the sense of neglect and abandonment, implying that Shiloh feels like a part of Cary’s past that he is trying to hide or discard rather than something cherished or valued in the present. She feels resigned to existing in the background of his life, secondary to his love of the Navy.

“We dug up our past and laid it all out on clean tarps, trying to figure out what sort of natural disaster had come through and destroyed everything.”

Shiloh and Cary process their fractured relationship by talking through the past—an intentional yet painful effort to uncover buried memories and experiences. They confront their history together, sifting through the debris of their past to understand what went wrong. The imagery of "clean tarps" suggests a desire for clarity and a fresh perspective on their relationship. They recognize the chaotic and uncontrollable forces that have disrupted their connection, leaving them to piece together what remains. The process fills them with regret and loss but also a sense that there’s enough left to build again, propelling the narrative forward.

“She wanted to pull those old warm feelings through the empty years and into the present. She wanted to repot them here and find them a nice sunny window.”

The metaphor of Shiloh’s emotions as tangible objects that can be drawn out of time and brought into the present underscores the motif of memory and nostalgia permeating the story as well as Shiloh’s yearning to reconnect to the sense of belonging she felt with Cary and Mikey in high school. In this passage, Rowell likens Shiloh’s emotions to plants that need care and the right environment to thrive, linking Shiloh’s desire to integrate the warmth of the past into her current life with a sense of hope for the future.

“But Ryan was much more malleable, and the kids were constantly pushing at Shiloh’s boundaries, looking for a tear in the fence.”

The many points of tension in Shiloh’s co-parenting arrangement with Ryan allow Rowell to center The Complications of Adult Relationships as a central theme in the story. While every parenting relationship has the potential for one parent to be stricter than the other, such disparities and differences become increasingly difficult to manage when parents live separately. Shiloh’s kids are intelligent and perceptive and can sense her weaknesses. The fence metaphor conveys how, in her exhaustion, Shiloh’s defense systems are failing, leaving her exhausted and overwhelmed.

“She and Cary seemed to be moving past…the past.”

Shiloh and Cary engage in the difficult work of reconciliation by letting go of previous mistakes to build a better future. The repetition of the word "past" in this passage emphasizes the significance their efforts to leave behind their history and actively work to overcome obstacles that prevent them from moving forward together. The ellipsis signals the emotional weight that the past holds over them, even as they try to move beyond it.

“And now when he thought about her, there was no more gravel and broken glass mixed in-he just missed her.”

Rowell employs the imagery of physical debris to convey Cary’s emotional shift in his relationship with Shiloh as well as his emotional growth. The rocks and shards symbolize the emotional wounds previously associated with thoughts of her, memories that were once sharp and hurtful and caused him distress. Cary now thinks of Shiloh with a more gentle, nostalgic longing, indicating that he has made peace with the past, allowing him to focus on the essence of what he misses without the accompanying pain.

“When I moved back home, all my childhood memories got sharper. Like I had moved onto the soundstage where my childhood was filmed.”

In an email to Cary, Shiloh vulnerability signals the progress of her personal growth and underscores the novel’s thematic exploration of Finding New Beginnings in Familiar Places. Returning to her childhood home after her divorce felt like stepping into a set where her past played out in a vivid and surreal reenactment of her earlier life. Returning to that familiar place brings her past experiences into sharper focus, and the surroundings act as a trigger, intensifying the clarity and detail of her memories. Her connection with Cary allows her to move through those memories and emerge on the precipice of a new beginning.

“I’ve got too much […] Baggage. Sandbags.”

Shiloh uses the metaphor sandbags to convey the emotional weight and unresolved issues she carries. Sandbags are typically used to provide weight or stability, which implies that Shiloh also feels anchored and held down by these emotional burdens. Her custody situation adds emotional weight and provides resistance to her relationship with Cary.

“As kisses go, it was the equivalent of shouting at your kid because they’ve done something reckless, but you’re still so relieved they’re alive.”

Rowell imbues Cary and Shiloh's kiss after they get engaged with a complex, unexpected overlap of anger, fear, relief, and love. Shiloh’s analogy also highlights their protective instincts, emphasizing the depth of their concern for each other and the relief that surpasses any worries they may have.

“So I guess that’s a feeling I share with my seventeen-year-old self—fear.”

Rowell provides a metafictional reference to her dual timeline structure with Shiloh’s explicit evocation of her younger self. The acknowledgment that, despite having Cary with her, Shiloh’s fear persists across time reveals her vulnerability. The comparison between her present self and her 17-year-old self highlights the ways in which her emotions, particularly her fear, remain constant, revealing her lingering insecurity. This connection between past and present selves demonstrates Shiloh’s self-awareness about the ways specific experiences have deeply impacted her, shaping her identity into adulthood.

“Cary felt like he’d spent his whole life trying to close his arms around her and never quite succeeding.”

Cary’s metaphor conveys the emotional distance and unfulfilled desire for Shiloh he’s experienced over the years. Shiloh felt perpetually distant even when they were in physical proximity. Cary’s feelings of unrequited love and emotional incompleteness follow him into bed with her, transforming into gratitude that they have finally come together.

“Shiloh was a light in the distance. She was an ache he’d been feeling since he was thirteen. An itch. She was a finger hooked into every torn seam, tugging-and Cary was made of torn seams. Just a poorly stitched human being.”

Rowell’s imagery suggests that, for Cary, being with Shiloh represents hope and contentment, which has always been out of his reach. He’s experienced Shiloh as a persistent, painful longing and those feelings have become an intrinsic part of him, shaping much of his emotional life. Intertwined with Cary’s sense of self, Shiloh is both the source of his vulnerability and the force that exacerbates it. As Cary reflects on his fragility and emotional brokenness, unresolved wounds, and insecurities, Shiloh’s presence intensifies these feelings, making him acutely aware of his imperfections.

“But her desire felt buried under a heavy blanket of snow.”

During sex with Shiloh, Cary feels Shiloh disassociating, emphasizing the ways in which their connection brings him in tune with the nuances of her emotional landscape. The snow metaphor conveys the suppression of Shiloh's sexual desire—an effect of her relationship with Ryan—making it difficult for her to access or express. This emotional barrier prevents her from fully feeling or acting on her desires. Yet, her desire is still present, just hidden under the surface.

“It won’t be easy with anyone—it may as well be ‘not easy’ with someone you love.”

Gloria’s advice to Shiloh provides a hopeful perspective on The Complications of Adult Relationships. Her framing of marriage in the context of life’s difficulties encapsulates a motif of inevitable imperfection Rowell explores in her novel. There will always be hardships in Shiloh and Cary’s life, but they can learn to weather them together.

“There was a kind of mirth that Shiloh only ever achieved with Cary and Mikey, and now she was living inside that dynamic again.”

Underscoring the theme of Finding New Beginnings in Familiar Places, this passage highlights the impact of rare, meaningful friendships. The unique bond Shiloh shares with Cary and Mikey goes beyond ordinary friendships, providing Shiloh comfort, happiness, and a feeling of being truly understood. Rekindling their relationship allows Shiloh to return to a familiar emotional state that she profoundly values and brings out the best in her. In the safety of their circle, she rediscovers a part of herself that has been dormant.

“With Cary, Shiloh wanted to push through her own discomfort. To get over herself. To look directly at the sun.”

Being with Cary forces Shiloh to confront her vulnerabilities and insecurities. In the safety of the relationship, she becomes aware of her emotional barriers and resolves to overcome them to foster intimacy with Cary and move beyond her limitations or fears. Her love for Cary empowers Shiloh to face marriage's intense, perhaps even painful, work head-on even after the dissolution of her marriage to Ryan. Rowell evokes the metaphor of the sun, which represents truth, clarity, and sometimes harsh reality, symbolizing Shiloh's willingness to embrace the truth of her feelings and the challenges of the relationship, even if it might be overwhelming.