Sideways Stories from Wayside School

There are three students in Mrs. Jewls’s class named Eric—Eric Fry, Eric Bacon, and Eric Ovens. Two of the Erics are overweight, so the other students assume that the third one is as well. They tease skinny Eric Bacon for being fat, nicknaming him “Fatso.” Despite this moniker, he is the thinnest boy in the class.

Eric Fry is athletic, but the other Erics are not. Because of the other Erics’ lack of athletic skills, everyone presumes Eric Fry to also be unathletic. One day, Eric Fry drops a ball while playing baseball and receives the nickname “Butterfingers.”

Eric Ovens is the nicest student in the class. Because the other two Erics are mean (as a result of their unfair nicknames), the other students presume Eric Ovens to be mean as well. He is given the nickname “Crabapple.”

Now that each of the Erics has a nickname, there is no more confusion or need to call for “Eric.”

Allison is a pretty girl who always wears a sky-blue windbreaker. Her best friend is Rondi, whose front teeth are missing. Boys find Allison cute and therefore tease her. She threatens to knock out their teeth, asserting that she has done this to Rondi’s teeth.

One day at lunch, Allison peels a tangerine. The lunch teacher, Miss Mush, asks Allison if she may have the tangerine. Allison agrees, as Miss Mush has always given food to Allison. Allison then goes to the library, where the librarian asks her for her book. Allison gives it to her, knowing that the librarian has always given books to Allison. This happens a third time with a tennis ball, which Louis requests when Allison goes to the playground.

Without anything to do, Allison returns to the 30th story. There, Mrs. Jewls asks for Allison’s help with an arithmetic problem. Allison agrees to help—as Mrs. Jewls has always helped her—but the problem is actually a spelling question. When Allison correctly spells “chair,” Mrs. Jewls offers to share a secret with her: “You learned that children are really smarter than their teachers” (118). Allison quickly retorts, “Oh, that’s no secret […] Everybody knows that” (118).

Mrs. Jewls plans to show the class a movie. She instructs Dameon to ask Louis whether he’d like to join them for the movie. Dameon runs to the playground to ask him, and Louis asks what the movie is about. Dameon runs back to the 30th story to ask Mrs. Jewls, who wants to know whether Louis is inquiring about the name of the movie or about its plot. Dameon does not know and runs back to the playground to ask Louis. This series of absurd questions goes on for so long that Dameon misses the movie, which is about turtles.

The class is then instructed to write something about turtles. Dameon prepares to write that turtles are slow, but he cannot find his pencil. When asked by Mrs. Jewls what his pencil looks like, Dameon describes it as a standard yellow pencil. The students have identical yellow pencils and taunt Dameon that each pencil could be his missing one. Finally, Louis walks into the room and hands Dameon the missing pencil. To prevent future confusion, Mrs. Jewls instructs each student to write their name on their pencil. Dameon tries to write his name on his pencil with his pencil but cannot: “Dameon’s pencil couldn’t write on itself. It was just like his beautiful hazel eyes with the black dots in the middle. They could see everything except themselves” (124).

Jenny arrives at school late after riding there on her father’s motorcycle. She is surprised to find the classroom empty, although it is 9:30 in the morning, and class should be in session. She worries that the class may have left on a field trip without her and decides to work on her spelling. As she practices spelling, Jenny hears footsteps approaching the classroom. A man with a black mustache, whom Jenny has never seen before, enters the room. He asks Jenny a series of questions, including her name and the whereabouts of her classmates. He wonders why, upon finding the classroom empty, Jenny opted to work on spelling. He expects a child in an empty classroom to play, look around, or simply return home, but not do schoolwork. He takes her spelling book and places it inside his attaché case.

As the interrogation continues, Jenny begins to cry. Two more men enter the classroom and speak with one another about Jenny, inquiring about what Jenny knows. The first man hands Jenny’s spelling book to one of the other men, who is bald. The bald man, looking at Jenny’s spelling book, asks her if this has ever happened before. She insists it has not, and he instructs her to put her book back inside her desk. Then he tells her she may leave, adding, “Next time, don’t come to school on a Saturday” (129).

Terrence is a “good athlete, but a bad sport” (130). Each time he joins in a game with his peers, he purposely kicks the ball over the fence. This happens on three separate occasions one day: with a group playing three-square, a group playing basketball, and a group playing spud. Each time, Terrence ends the game by kicking the ball over the fence, angering the other students. He responds by calling them names.

When all of the balls have been kicked over the fence, Terrence asks Louis for another ball. Louis explains that he has given them all out and that there is nothing left to kick. Terrence complains, certain that there must be something left to kick. Louis agrees that there might be one more thing left to kick. Terrence repeatedly asks for that thing, and the other children chime in, encouraging Louis to give Terrence what he deserves. Terrence agrees, demanding, “Let me have it” (136), so Louis kicks Terrence over the fence.

Joy forgets her lunch at home and finds herself hungry at lunchtime. Dameon—who has brought a delicious lunch—leaves the classroom to get a glass of milk from Miss Mush. While he is gone, Joy takes an item from his lunch sack. However, each item—a turkey sandwich, an apple, and a piece of chocolate cake—looks better than the last, and Joy cannot decide which item to take. She takes the entire bag and places the wrappers of each item on various students’ desks.

When Dameon returns, he is upset to find his lunch missing. Joy points to each of the empty remnants (plastic baggie, wax paper, apple core, and lunch sack) lying on the respective desks of Jason, Allison, Deedee, and Calvin. Mrs. Jewls writes each of their names on the chalkboard under “Discipline.” She instructs Dameon to thank Joy for solving the mystery of his missing lunch and offers Joy a Tootsie Roll pop as a reward. When Mrs. Jewls looks away, Joy sneaks two candies. Louis arrives with Joy’s forgotten lunch—“an old bologna sandwich and a dried-up carrot” (141)—which Joy’s mother has just delivered. Joy gives it to Dameon, who eats it, though it is not as delicious as the lunch Joy has stolen from him.

Jason, Allison, Deedee, and Calvin do not misbehave any further, so at two o’clock, Mrs. Jewls erases their names from the chalkboard, and the incident is forgotten. Dameon, though he did not enjoy Joy’s lunch, is full and soon forgets the incident as well. Joy, who enjoyed Dameon’s lunch very much, soon forgets about it too. However, the memory of the theft haunts her: “And for the rest of the year, every turkey sandwich, piece of chocolate cake, apple, and Tootsie Roll pop tasted like Miss Mush’s porridge” (141-42).

Nancy dislikes his name because he considers it to be a “girl’s” name. He is shy, and he does not speak much because he is ashamed of his name. He has a single friend—a female student on the 23rd floor of the school. He does not know her name nor does she know Nancy’s.

One day, Nancy discovers that his friend’s name is Mac upon overhearing her teacher addressing her. Each confesses that they are ashamed of their name, feeling that it belongs to a different sex. They decide to trade names and achieve this by spinning around 100 times.

Nancy—now Mac—returns to the 30th floor and informs the class of his new name. His peers are surprised to learn that names can be traded and begin trading with one another. Confusion ensues as no one knows who anyone is anymore. Slowly, they sort out which name belongs to which student. Everyone decides to keep their original name, except for Nancy and Mac: “But when they were together they still called each other ‘Hey, you,’ or just plain ‘You’” (148).

Stephen, who has green hair, arrives at school dressed as a goblin for Halloween. Unfortunately, it is not Halloween, and no other students are dressed in costumes. They tease Stephen, saying that the Friday before Halloween does not warrant celebration. However, Mrs. Jewls announces that it is time for the Halloween party. She gives each student a cookie. When she gets to Stephen, his costume distracts her, so she forgets to give him one. Stephen does not ask for a cookie and is dismayed that the “party” ends as soon as everyone has eaten their cookie.

Mrs. Jewls attempts to perform addition, but she repeatedly gets the wrong answer. Suddenly, the chalk in her hand turns into a worm, the lights go out, and the chalkboard becomes a movie screen. Mrs. Gorf appears on the screen, shouting that she has arrived to gain revenge on the students. She steps from the screen, confusing Mrs. Jewls. The class explains who Mrs. Gorf is and that Louis ate her when she became an apple. Mrs. Gorf asserts that she has arrived because this is the day Halloween is to be celebrated, as the actual date of the holiday falls on a weekend.

Stephen is joyous that Mrs. Gorf has proven him to be in the right for wearing his goblin costume. He runs to her and hugs her. This causes her to disappear. The lights turn on once again, and Mrs. Jewls can perform addition correctly. The children call Stephen a “hero” but instruct him to go home at lunchtime to change out of his goblin costume. He does so and returns in regular clothes: “Of course, his hair was still green. It always was” (153).

Louis, the playground teacher, is also the author of the book: “It was his job to see that the children didn’t have too much fun during lunch and recess” (154). One day, he asserts that the children cannot play outside because of a blizzard. Instead, after lunch, he goes to the 30th story to tell the class a story. His story is of a school that is similar to Wayside but different in many ways. Louis lists some of the differences, including that the school consists of only one floor, and none of the children there have ever been turned into an apple.

The students on the 30th floor insist the school and the students in Louis’s story are strange. The students express a range of emotions about this school, including boredom, frustration, and anger. Finally, Mrs. Jewls contends that the school Louis speaks of is not real, and his story is fantasy. She tells Louis that she prefers to teach her students “the truth,” rather than “fairy tales.” Louis leaves to tell a story to the students on the 29th floor, and the students boo as he leaves.