Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

Anne Katherine is an American psychologist, author, and screenwriter. According to her official website, Katherine practiced as a psychologist for over 40 years, focusing on disordered eating and boundary setting. Tawwab credits Katherine’s book, Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin for helping her to understand the concept of boundaries and to begin applying them in her own life. Tawwab recalls, “With the help of the therapist and the book, I started to feel better about saying no and asking for what I needed” (249). Katherine has also authored other books on the topic, including Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Boundaries Every Day, and Boundaries in an Overconnected World.

Tawwab’s Set Boundaries, Find Peace clearly builds on the messages and themes which Katherine articulated in her work. Katherine’s influence on Tawwab is evident in Tawwab’s concept of boundaries; both authors agree that boundaries include physical, sexual, and emotional limitations. Katherine also discusses “spiritual” boundaries, while Tawwab discusses more secular “intellectual” boundaries, and argues that “material” and “time” boundaries are also important. Tawwab also echoes the overall message of Katherine’s book by highlighting the necessity of implementing boundaries in order to maintain self-respect and enjoy healthy relationships. Katherine claims, “Good boundaries yield healthy relationships” (133); Tawwab agrees, writing, “Boundaries are the gateway to healthy relationships” (3).

Sharon Martin is a psychotherapist and the author of three self-help books: The CBT Workbook for Perfectionism: Evidence-based Skills to Help You Let Go of Self-Criticism, Build Self-Esteem, and Find Balance, and The Better Boundaries Workbook. Martin has also contributed to numerous publications such as Time magazine, Psychology Today, and Redbook.

Tawwab relies on Sharon Martin’s definition of “enmeshment” to help her explain how this relationship dynamic can discourage healthy boundaries. According to Martin, enmeshment usually involves, “family relationships with weak boundaries, lack of emotional separation, and intrusive demands for support or attention that prevent family members from developing an independent sense of self” (88).

Brené Brown is an American professor, researcher, author and motivational speaker. Brown’s books include bestsellers such as Atlas of the Heart, Rising Strong, Daring Greatly, Braving the Wilderness, and Daring to Lead. Her work explores how to build healthy relationships, create positive work environments, and develop personal resilience and self-esteem. She has also specifically discussed the importance of boundaries in her best-selling work, Atlas of the Heart, in which she claims that “Boundaries are a prerequisite for compassion and empathy. We can’t connect with someone unless we’re clear about where we end and they begin” (128).

Tawwab incorporates a similar perspective on boundaries into her work, and also quotes Brown twice in her work. She refers to Brown’s mantra “Choosing discomfort over resentment” (27) to encourage the reader to confront the negative feelings which inevitably arise while setting boundaries. The author also quotes one of Brown’s passages on vulnerability in Chapter 8: “Trauma and Boundaries.” Brown’s passage explains, “Embracing our vulnerability is risky, but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable” (144). Tawwab uses this quotation to highlight how trauma survivors may find being vulnerable with others particularly difficult, causing them to miss out on forging healthy and happy relationships.