Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself

Nonfiction | Book | Adult | Published in 2021

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Summary

Background

Chapter Summaries & Analyses

Part 1, Chapters 1-3

Part 1, Chapters 4-6

Part 1, Chapters 7-9

Part 2, Chapters 10-12

Part 2, Chapters 13-15

Key Figures

Themes

Index of Terms

Important Quotes

Essay Topics

Tools

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Discussion Questions

Index of Terms

Codependent Relationships

Codependent relationships involve two people: one person who is acting out unhealthy behavior of some kind, and the other who enables their behavior and perceives them as being vulnerable or helpless. The author argues that this relationship dynamic is severely lacking in boundaries, since “as codependents we have a hard time distinguishing our needs from the needs of the other person” (89).

Counterdependency

The author uses the term counterdependency to describe people who resist sharing their feelings and opinions with others and are uncomfortable needing help. This can cause people to create rigid boundaries and become unable to enjoy reciprocal friendships and relationships.

Enmeshed Relationships

Tawwab defines enmeshed relationships as a kind of dynamic between two people who feel that they must maintain their similarities with each other in order for the relationship to continue. The author uses this term to help explain why some friends, partners, and family members find it difficult to set boundaries around their opinions, interests, time, and overall individuality.

Healthy Boundary

Healthy boundaries are clearly-stated and unapologetic expectations which genuinely reflect one’s opinions, feelings, and values. The author emphasizes that healthy boundaries must be communicated assertively, showing respect to oneself and the other person.

Porous Boundary

The author defines a porous boundary as one that is weak and easily violated. The author warns that porous boundaries can lead to “feeling depleted, overextending yourself, depression, anxiety, and unhealthy relationship dynamics” (9).

Rigid Boundary

Tawwab uses the term rigid boundary to describe the way some people distance themselves from others and avoid sharing feelings or being vulnerable. Rigid boundaries make it difficult to form close relationships.