Say You Swear (Boys of Avix, #1)

“I admit, I woke up a little embarrassed the next day, but not enough to regret it. Had he shown any sign of anger or ignored me after, I likely would, but he hasn’t. He hasn’t exactly met my eye, but he hasn’t avoided that either. He is right now, though, the tension in his shoulders doubling with each passing second. He’s trying to focus on the others goofing off in the ocean before us, but I know he’s not seeing what’s in front of him. His mind is muddled by me. Or more because of me.”

Arianna’s emotional response to her encounter with Chase at the club illustrates her intense feelings for him. Arianna has loved Chase since he joined her friend group. Her feelings remain unchanged even after Chase pushes her away while dancing. The use of anaphora in this passage also conveys Arianna’s deep attachment to Chase. By repeating Chase’s pronouns at the start of each sentence, Arianna is showing the important place that Chase has in her heart.

“I don’t know if all twins feel the same, but me and Mase? We’re a bit codependent. The thought of being alone doesn’t sit well with either of us. It could be because we’ve never really been alone. It could be because we have a large, loving family, one that Cam and Brady have been a part of since birth and Chase joined when he was twelve.”

Arianna’s descriptions of her close relationships develop the novel’s thematic exploration of The Importance of Friendship and Family. Arianna is devoted to Mason, Cameron, Brady, and Chase because she understands herself according to these relationships.

“I think about my family and friends, of my own personal dreams, and the life I want for myself down the road. And then I think about it being stolen from under me, just like it was from Payton. Like the waves are stealing the sand from beneath my feet this very moment with their fight for dominance, leaving the ground beneath me unsteady, as unsteady as the world around me suddenly feels.”

Arianna parallels Payton’s experience to her own experiences to process her feelings. She is in a vulnerable place in this scene. However, she’s also located on the beach, a setting that allows her to think in this uninhibited manner.

“It was perfect, and it meant something, and Chase wasn’t that guy. He’d never sleep with me, then disregard me after. Sure, he screws around as much as Mason, and not nearly as much as Brady, but he’d never do that to me, to our friendship. Not when he knew how I felt. I may have never spelled it out in big, bold letters, but he knew. He had to.”

Arianna is heartbroken when Chase rejects her after they have sex. Arianna wants to believe that Chase is different than other young men and that he will treat her with more respect and care. However, Chase’s rejection ultimately proves otherwise and catalyzes Arianna’s subsequent bout of sorrow. This is one of the novel’s inciting events and instigates many of Arianna’s internal conflicts in the chapters that follow.

“Mason’s face softens, and I know what he doesn’t have to say. Having me here with him at Avix means the world to him. He might be bossy and moody, but like me, my brother needs family and people he cares about nearby. He does about as well as I do alone, which is probably why it’s taking me longer than it should to wake up from my self-pity stage. I’ve been pushing my family and friends away instead of taking comfort in the fact that they’re here for me. If only I’d allow them to be.”

Arianna’s fraught relationship with Chase threatens to compromise her relationships with her friends and family. Arianna pushes her loved ones away because she’s afraid of showing how hurt she is over what happened between her and Chase. However, this scene marks a turning point in her internal sphere, as she realizes that she can’t survive her heartbreak without her friends.

“We didn’t sit around the entire time working to wash away or prevent awkwardness. It was fun and stress-free. It was easy. Noah being here now, though, I one thousand percent did not expect. It was easy to see he was being genuine last night. That he honestly wanted to hear what I had to say, but I didn’t exactly think past that conversation. Now I can’t help but wonder if Noah could use a new friend as much as I need one.”

Arianna and Noah form an immediate connection at the outset of their relationship. The way that Arianna is reflecting upon her evening out with Noah conveys how comfortable she feels in his presence. The way she thinks about Noah’s needs in tandem with her own also captures Arianna’s empathetic and selfless nature. The passage foreshadows how their relationship will develop over time.

“Not gonna lie, you’re pissing me off a bit here, Ari baby. But I got eyes. I know some shit went down with you and Chase, and you’re trying to steer clear, but that ain’t fair to the rest of us. We’re your boys. You’re our girl. Suck it the fuck up, or I’ll end up laying out my best friend.”

Brady’s character is a narrative device that the author uses to challenge Arianna’s character. Much like Cameron, Brady often says the things to Arianna that the other characters don’t feel comfortable saying. In this passage of dialogue, Brady uses both fragmented syntax and colloquial diction. He combines tonal registers to convey his care for Arianna and the urgency of what he’s saying.

“How else are you supposed to discover what you truly want? What you refuse to let go of? What you deserve in a partner? I don’t think you can possibly know without the hurt to force your hand. I want someone’s all. I want someone’s all and absolutely nothing less.”

Arianna’s conversation with Mason inspires her to reflect on the conflict she’s experienced with Chase. Although she still feels sorrowful over what happened between them, the situation has also taught her what she does and doesn’t want in a relationship. Chase’s rejection contributes to Arianna’s The Journey Toward Self-Discovery. It helps her both work through personal pain and conceptualize her true needs and desires.

“I don’t think I want to be in Noah’s space with them. It’s always only the two of us, other than the occasional pop in of one of his teammates, and I like it that way. I want to keep it that way. The others. They’re involved in every aspect of my life, and while I love that about our group, I don’t want to share the one thing I have outside of them, I don’t want to share my time with Noah.”

Arianna’s private thoughts in this scene reveal the significance of her connection with Noah. Arianna has been spending one-on-one time with Noah and suddenly realizes that she doesn’t want to merge her friendship with Noah with her friendships with Mason, Chase, Brady, and Cameron. Arianna is beginning to see Noah as a part of her private life independent of her friend group.

“‘My family means everything to me. I want to be everything my mom is. Strong and independent in my own way, a solid example, but human in my mistakes. I want to be proud and encouraging, accepting but firm, even when it hurts. Even when it’s hard. I want to make chicken and dumplings when my daughter feels like her world’s falling apart like teens think, and I want to bake cupcakes with stupid sweet frosting when my son’s too hard on himself for a bad grade or dropped pass.’ I laugh, lowering my head. ‘Clearly, I have some work to do to get there, but…’”

Arianna’s use of language in this scene of dialogue conveys the emotionality behind what she is telling Noah. She is describing her dreams for her future. She speaks in an unbridled way and is thus revealing her vulnerability and heart to Noah. This moment marks a turning point in the characters’ romance, as Arianna is showing Noah more of herself.

“Noah’s leaning against the side of her hospital bed, half sitting on it, half standing. He just wants to be as close to his mom as he can. He wants her to know he loves and misses her. Appreciates her every word spoken and the inner strength it takes to laugh and smile when her world is a little less than it used to be.”

Arianna’s observations of Noah and Lori together help her understand how Noah defines love and family. Noah’s relationship with his mom also further endears him to Arianna, as she also values such forms of connection. Furthermore, Arianna’s ability to see and understand Noah tightens their bond.

“He liked to make sure you were never alone. He understood her sacrifices as a young boy and grew up with an open heart and a strong mind, both of which came from the unyielding love and support of his mother. He didn’t have an army around him like me, but he had her, and he made sure she felt she was enough.”

Noah’s selflessness and empathy make Arianna love him even more. Arianna knows that Noah hasn’t had the same family and friend network as she has. However, she can see how much of himself Noah has devoted to his relationship with his mom. Both Noah and Arianna value The Importance of Friendship and Family.

“His hands come up, tangling in my hair, and he kisses me back. His mouth heavy and hungry. Healing. I need this. I need…him. Our eyes open at the same time, and he must see something within mine because his body quakes with realization.”

Arianna and Noah’s love for each other gradually helps them heal from their respective sorrows. After Mason is injured during the football game, Arianna realizes how much she needs to be with Noah. This intimate scene captures how their relationship is developing and foreshadows how they will continue to buoy one another through life’s trials.

“‘I just…I want to remember this, my son happy.’ Her eyes cloud, but she blinks it away. ‘Most of the smiles I get are glossed with sadness. I worry every time he walks out the door. Not for me, for him.’”

Arianna and Lori’s conversation at the rehab center conveys Arianna’s healing role in Noah’s life. Arianna knows that Noah has gotten her through difficult times, but in this scene, Lori helps her understand that she is doing the same for Noah. Lori’s words capture the reciprocal nature of Arianna and Noah’s dynamic.

“I love the smile that curves her lips when she sees me. It’s the same one every time, big and bright, as if I show up to surprise her when she knew I was coming all along. I love how she is with my mom, patient and kind, but not in the way of pity, but pride. Like she knows what a good woman she is, like she understands all my mom means to me, and in turn, she means something to her, too. Ari draws thoughts out of me I never had before, about things I didn’t really know I wanted but now feel desperate for. Deeper roots and a family. The love of a lifetime.”

Noah’s love for Arianna gradually transforms how he thinks about himself, his life, and his future. In this scene, Noah and Arianna are spending time together on the football field. This intimate encounter in one of Noah’s favorite places gives Noah the chance to reflect on his relationship with Arianna. This moment marks a turning point in his storyline and reveals how Arianna is influencing his outlook on life.

“‘Don’t.’ I jerk back. ‘For months I sat around wishing you’d show up at my door, knowing in the back of my mind you never would, so don’t stand here and say you felt me slipping away when I was right in front of you for months, years even if you really think about it. You just didn’t see me.’”

Chase’s character acts as an antagonist used to disrupt Arianna and Noah’s otherwise idyllic romance. Indeed, Chase’s decision to suddenly profess his feelings to Arianna in this scene disrupts Arianna’s state of mind. However, instead of giving in to Chase, Arianna stands up for herself. Her words capture how she has grown and her unwillingness to allow Chase to threaten her happiness.

“Noah came into my life at a time when I needed a friend, and that’s exactly what he became. He was the one who inadvertently helped me through the bullshit I allowed myself to fall into after everything with Chase, so he saw how deep my feelings ran. How hard it was to let go and every other embarrassing moment I eagerly shared. Hell, Noah’s the one who helped me heal, and I didn’t even know it happened until one day something changed. Suddenly, the man I was losing sleep thinking about wasn’t the one it used to be. I fell for Noah, and I fell hard.”

Arianna and Noah’s falling out makes Arianna realize how much Noah means to her. Alone in her room after their fight, Arianna has the time and space to reflect on everything that has happened between her and her new love. She’s not only realizing how much she loves Noah but also understanding how their relationship has contributed to her growth journey, demonstrating The Healing Power of Love.

“What if I got to her in time tonight? What if I didn’t walk away from her the other day? What if I never get to tell her I love her? That she’s more than I knew existed, all that I could ever need, and everything I will always want. Arianna Johnson makes up my entire being. Without her, I’m nothing.”

Noah blames himself for Arianna’s accident because he has been devoted to her care and well-being since the start of their relationship. Furthermore, Noah is familiar with such tragedies and fears that he will fail Arianna in the same ways that he feels he failed to protect his mom. This passage captures Noah’s desperation to be there for Arianna and underscores the intensity of his love for her.

“A wave of nausea hits me, and I sway. A hand falls on my shoulder. Confusion, hurt, anger, rage, sadness, loss. I feel everything. Agony, true and complete. I can’t breathe. Baby. My baby. Our little baby…Gone?”

The fragmented presentation of these lines demonstrates Noah’s emotional response to the news about Arianna’s miscarriage. Each of these sentences appears on the page as a separate paragraph. This linguistic and formal choice captures and conveys Noah’s shock and despair.

“My sniffles grow choppier, and it doesn’t take long before my chest is fluttering, the movement creating an ache through my entire upper body, reminding me of my wounds on the outside, but it’s nothing compared to the pain within. I was going to be a mom, something I’ve always dreamed of but imagined would happen later in life. It was the only thing I was certain of, the one thing I wanted more than anything else, and I can’t even remember if I knew about the little blessing before I lost him. A good mother would remember that no matter what. Wouldn’t she?”

Arianna experiences emotional upheaval when she learns that she lost her baby. Becoming a mother is her one dream. She feels as if she’s having a crisis of identity after waking up from her coma. The scene intensifies the narrative atmosphere and presents Arianna with yet another emotional conflict.

“I’d love nothing more than to do exactly that. It’s on my mind all the time, how I would start and what exactly I would say. I’ve had the imaginary conversation with her a hundred times now, but at the end of each one, tears brim in her eyes, confusion swimming within them as she stares at the man telling her she loves him while internally swearing she loves another. I won’t hurt her just to help myself.”

Noah’s conversation with Arianna’s dad complicates his outlook on his and Arianna’s situation. Because Arianna can’t remember that she and Noah are in love, Noah is desperate to reveal everything that happened between them in recent months. However, Noah is also reluctant to go against Arianna’s wishes. His private thoughts in this passage reiterate his selflessness and his devotion to Arianna’s well-being.

“‘She…’ I hesitate, looking to Ari once more. ‘She told me once all she ever wanted was to be a mom a child would be proud of, and she accomplished that.’ A curious, thoughtful frown builds along Ari’s forehead, and I look away. ‘She deserved to be honored by the people who respected her life’s mission, and that mission was raising me, so it means the world to have all of you here because I know you value our friendship. In doing so, you’ve made my mom’s one dream come true. Today was bearable because all of you were with me.’”

Noah’s eulogy at his mom’s funeral conveys his deep love for both Lori and Arianna. Furthermore, his words illustrate his respect for women like Lori and Arianna, who want to devote their lives to motherhood. This is Noah’s way of communicating his feelings to Arianna without explicitly telling her what she means to him before her memory has come back.

“I can’t see before me, but I see. I see him. I see the night of the bonfire and the night at the club. I see the morning coffee and the daytime cooking. I see the bumper boats and his mouth an inch from mine. I feel his hands on me as I sit on top of the kitchen counter and the heat of his eyes. The warmth of his body. The beat of his heart…pressed against mine. I feel him. All over. Everywhere. A rush of yearning hits me, forcing the air from my lungs, and my body racks with sobs. ‘Oh my god…Noah.’”

Reading Lori’s letter reawakens Arianna and restores her memory. Each of these lines appears on the page in the form of a single-sentence paragraph. This formal choice enacts Arianna’s intense emotional experience as she gradually begins to piece together everything that she’s experienced with Noah. Furthermore, the incorporation of sensory details into this passage illustrates Arianna’s physiological experience in this pivotal moment of the narrative.