Reasons to Stay Alive

Part 4 examines the realities of living with permanent anxiety and depression. Haig’s personal narrative alternates between present-day observations of his current state of living and memories that inform and shape who he is today. These experiences include his early “warning signs” of oncoming anxiety, and his first networking event as a published author in which he was able to track his progress toward overcoming it. This section also considers social influences on those with mental illness, and ways to push back against capitalist society’s manipulation, such as with advertising. Haig also recommends a personal practice for mindful living and gratitude.

Chapter 56, “Peaks and troughs,” embodies the core of this section: Haig reveals that his journey has been a series of highs and lows, defeats and victories, over his struggle with mental illness. He understands that these “peaks and troughs” will always exist, that they have become a reality of his being—just as they will for many of his readers. Haig is not presenting his battle as a contained episode of the past, but as a constant, living disability. He acknowledges this in Chapter 57, “Parenthesis,” in which—in parenthesis—he describes how he still lives with depression each day.

The title of the section, “Living,” has a double meaning: Haig has learned to embrace life and truly live, rather than exist in a state of stasis; however, he is also “living” with mental illness as a permanent fixture of his world. This double meaning mirrors the duality of living, the shifting balance and imbalance of pain and wonder.

Chapter 59, “#reasonstostayalive” alludes to the earlier chapter in which Haig lists his own reasons for living. Here, he includes the wider community, using direct quotations from social media. His intent was to not only gather together things that keep people living, but people, to show them they’re not alone in the challenges they face. Although Haig acknowledges the pitfalls of social media, he also sees it as a useful way to connect with others. While people in the past decade seem to have experienced a surge in anxiety and depression, it may be that more people are talking about it, finding ways to reach each other across the globe. Haig champions this level of communication and the expansion of language with which to communicate ideas around mental illness; he sees them as essential in negating myths and stigmas.

The final chapters of this section continue the pattern of mirrored chapters, presenting the negative and the positive side by side. Notably, a few of the “worse” and “better” items appear on both lists, such as social media. Otherwise, the items encapsulate themes discussed in earlier chapters such as loved ones, slow living, the passage of time, and the way in which modern society approaches time, literature, and communication. The final item listed in the “better” chapter encapsulates the entire narrative and Haig’s journey to reaching this moment: “Knowing that someone else may read these words and that, just maybe, the pain I felt wasn’t for nothing” (214). Here, Haig gives himself a higher purpose that is bigger than his illness, and takes on the role of bringing people together as a supportive and encouraging community.