Ramona the Pest

October arrives, which excites Ramona because Halloween is one of her favorite holidays. Ramona had always enjoyed watching the Glenwood School’s holiday parade, and finally this year she will be able to participate. Ramona plans on being “the baddest witch in the whole world” (136), she tells her mother.

Ramona’s mother buys a sewing pattern for a witch costume, black fabric, and a rubber witch mask that is “so scary” that Ramona “is not sure she even wanted to touch the thing” (137). The mask is “flabby” and “grayish-green, the color of mold” (137). Ramona is so terrified of the mask that she must gather her courage to slip it over her head. Finally, she does, and she finds that the longer she keeps it on, the more her bravery grows. She looks in the mirror and shouts, “I’m the baddest witch in the world!” (139). As soon as the Ramona removes the mask, it scares her again; Ramona hides the mask under the cushions of the family sofa before going to sleep that night.

On the day of the Halloween parade, Ramona’s class has difficulty sitting still to complete their seat work. When class ends for the day, Ramona races home to eat lunch and get her costume on for the parade. She puts on her gown and her mask. Mrs. Kemp and Howie arrive at the Quimby house so they can all walk to the parade together. Howie has dressed as a black cat with a slack tail which he must carry in his hand. Howie explains that his tail is “busted,” that he did not want to be a black cat for Halloween, but an entire tube of toothpaste accidentally squirted all over his original costume (a pirate). The black cat was an old costume of Howie’s sister, and Mrs. Kemp did not have time to fix the tail.

They make their way back to Glenwood School, where Miss Binney has dressed like Mother Goose and trying to corral her 68 kindergarten students to get ready for the parade. The children are running around the playground, screaming: “The noise was glorious. Ramona yelled and screamed and shrieked and chased anyone who would run” (146). Ramona finds Davy, who is dressed as pirate, and finally catches him to kiss him through her rubber witch mask. Ramona also spots Susan on the playground, and in her “carried away” state, she rushes up to Susan and tugs on one of her curls (148). Susan runs to Miss Binney to tell her what happened; Miss Binney asks which witch was the one that pulled her hair. Susan looks out at the playground and realizes that she does not know exactly who it was that pulled her hair, as there are many witches wearing the same mask as Ramona on the playground.

Suddenly, Ramona realizes that no one knows who she is, which scares her:

“Ramona could not remember a time when there was not someone near who knew who she was” (151). She worries that if no one knows her, then she might somehow disappear: “She felt lost inside her costume. She wondered if her mother would know which witch was which, and the thought that her own mother might not know her frightened her” (152). Ramona even worries that the whole world might forget about her. She removes her mask, as Miss Binney attempts to get her students to line up in two straight lines for the parade. Miss Binney tells Ramona to put her mask back on, since the parade is about to begin, but Ramona is still scared: “Ramona wanted to obey her teacher, but at the same time she was afraid of losing herself behind that scary mask” (155).

Ramona has the idea to quickly run to her cupboard in the kindergarten classroom, where she takes her crayons and a piece of paper and writes “Ramona Q,” putting her trademark cat ears and whiskers on the “Q” of her last initial. She marches in line with her sign, that the way “the whole world would know who she was” (156). To Ramona’s relief, her mother recognizes her from the sidewalk as she watches the parade. When the parade is over, Ramona happily eats a doughnut and drinks apple juice. 

One morning before school, Ramona realizes that one of her teeth is loose, which delights her since that “proves” she is growing up (159). She is excited for the tooth fairy to visit her, just as it had her older sister Beezus. Ramona is also excited because she finally gets to walk to school all by herself that day, since Howie is home sick, and Mrs. Quimby has an early appointment.

Before leaving, Ramona’s mother tells her to be a good girl and to leave the house at exactly half past eight. Mrs. Quimby kisses Ramona goodbye, leaving her sitting in the family kitchen, wiggling her loose tooth and watching the clock:

The big hand moved slowly to three […] When it reached five, Ramona knew that it would be quarter after eight and time to go to school. A quarter was twenty-five cents. Therefore, a quarter past eight was twenty-five minutes after eight (163).

Finally, the big hand reaches the 5, and so Ramona leaves for school. However, once outside and on the sidewalk, Ramona sees immediately that something is wrong: “The street was too quiet. No one else was walking to school. Ramona stopped in confusion. Maybe she was mixed up” (164). In a panic, Ramona begins running, and when she reaches the school, she sees that class has already started.

Late, Ramona enters the classroom and joins the students who are playing a learning game with Miss Binney. Miss Binney stands at the front of the class holding a paper bag with the letter “T” printed on the front. Miss Binney informs the class that the bag contains something that begins with the letter “T,” and she tries to have the class guess what it might be. One child guesses a tadpole, another guesses a teeter totter. Ramona guesses a tooth. Suddenly, “a strange taste” fills Ramona’s mouth (167). She realizes that her tooth has come loose in her mouth. Ramona cries out “My tooth came out!” (167), and the children crowd around her to see. Miss Binney has Ramona go to the bathroom to rinse her mouth, and when she returns, she holds up the tooth so that all her classmates can see. The students are in awe.

Before it is time for seatwork to begin, Ramona asks Miss Binney to hold onto her tooth for safekeeping. The assignment for seatwork that day is “unusually interesting” to Ramona, as it concerns circling images that begin with “T” and crossing out images that don’t. On the playground, all the children except for Susan want to see the bloody hole where Ramona’s tooth used to be. Ramona is indignant that Susan refuses to look: “No one else bravely had lost a tooth during kindergarten” (172).

Ramona impulsively reaches out and grabs one of Susan’s curls—she “boings” it, watching it spring up and down. Ramona playfully pulls another one of Susan’s curls, which makes Susan yelp and cry out for Miss Binney. Susan calls Ramona “a big pest” which inspires Ramona to tug yet another curl. Miss Binney observes this and tells Ramona in a very serious tone that she must come over to speak with her. Miss Binney tells Ramona that she is disappointed, which devastates Ramona: “Ramona was shocked. Miss Binney did not love her anymore” (176). Miss Binney asks Ramona if she can control herself and stop pulling Susan’s hair, but when Ramona considers those “thick, springy locks” (176)—she cannot promise that she will be able to stop. Miss Binney tells Ramona that they cannot have a “hair puller” in kindergarten, and so she sends Ramona to sit on the bench outside the classroom. Ramona will not be able to return until she can stop pulling Susan’s hair. Ramona cries on the bench outside: “Ramona sniffed and wiped the sleeve of her sweater across her eyes. She did love kindergarten, but it was all over now. Cross out Ramona” (179). 

Ramona comes in through the backdoor of her family’s home, looking very dejected. Mrs. Quimby asks if anything is wrong, and she checks Ramona’s forehead to see if she has a fever. Ramona says that Miss Binney no longer wants Ramona at school, but Mrs. Quimby is puzzled by this statement—something must have happened, she decides, and sets off with Ramona back to the school so that she can speak to Miss Binney directly.

Ramona sits on the bench beside the kindergarten door, as Mrs. Quimby and Miss Binney speak inside the classroom. Ramona decides to snoop and inches closer to the door, where she can hear their conversation: “[S]he could catch only a few phrases such as ‘bright and imaginative,’ ‘ability to get along with her peer group,’ and ‘negative desire for attention’” (184). When Mrs. Quimby comes out, she reports that Miss Binney would be happy to have Ramona back in class, as soon as she is ready to come back. However, Ramona resolves that she will “never go to kindergarten at all if her teacher did not like her” (184).

Later that evening, Beezus tells Ramona that she must go to kindergarten because it is just something that everyone does. When Mr. Quimby comes home, he asks Ramona how school was, pretending not to know about Ramona’s troubles at school that day. Ramona still has not told anyone about her missing tooth, and she longs to tell her father, but decides against it.

After dinner, Beezus goes to read her book, and Mrs. Quimby chastises her for reading without a good light because it is bad for the eyes. At this, Ramona recommends turning on the “dawnzer.” The family is confused until Ramona explains that, in kindergarten, she learned that a “dawnzer” is a kind of lamp. Beezus suddenly understands: “a puzzled silence fell over the room until Beezus suddenly shouted with laughter ‘She means—’ she gasped, ‘The Star-Spangled B-banner! Her laughter dwindled to giggles. ‘She means the dawn’s early light.’” (188). Mr. and Mrs. Quimby smirk. Their laughter hurts Ramona: “She was a stupid little sister. A dumb stupid little sister, who never did anything right” (182). Ramona feels suddenly overwhelmed by her emotions and rushes to her room, where she bangs her feet against the wall as hard as she can. Ramona’s upset subsides, and she falls asleep quickly. Her mother comes in and dresses her silently in her pajamas.

The next morning, Ramona tells her mother that, again, she will not be going to kindergarten that day. Mrs. Quimby does not argue. Ramona cannot to watch TV, so instead Ramona practices writing her name and doing the kind of exercises she learned in school. Then, Mrs. Quimby announces she needs to go shopping, and takes Ramona to the shopping center with her. There, she buys socks, a few dress patterns, and some pillowcases that are on sale. On their way home from the shopping center, they run into a neighbor who asks why a “big girl” like Ramona is not in school, which only increases Ramona’s sadness (199).

The following day, Ramona again says she will not return to kindergarten until Miss Binney “forgets about her” because she wants Miss Binney to think she is “somebody else” (201). Mrs. Quimby says that that will never happen. That evening, Ramona despairs even more: “Nobody understood. She wanted to behave herself. Except when banging her heels on the bedroom wall, she had always wanted to behave herself. Why couldn’t people understand how she felt?” (202). The day goes on, and Ramona plays with her bike outside. Henry approaches and asks why a truant officer has not made her return to school. Ramona is scared at the notion of a “truant officer” (205)—she worries that one will snatch her up, like the dog catcher catches the dog.

The next today, Ramona does not go to kindergarten again, and she continues to practice the writing exercises she learned in school. However, she misses kindergarten. In the afternoon, Howie comes by the Quimby House with the letter addressed to Ramona from Miss Binney. Excitedly, Ramona opens the envelope. Mrs. Quimby reads: “I am sorry I forgot to give you your tooth, but I am sure the tooth fairy will understand. When are you coming back to kindergarten?” (210). Ramona is overjoyed that Miss Binney understands, rather than the tooth fairy. Happy once again, Ramona decides she will return to kindergarten.