Pucking Around

Jake and Caleb sit at a bar with two other players, one of whom, Novy, sees Ilmari nearby and comments that Ilmari hates him. Caleb reframes this dynamic as a cultural difference, while the other player, Morrow, argues that goalies are always strange. Caleb urges Jake to talk to Ilmari, so Jake tries to make small talk with the goalie but finds it to be uncomfortable. When he asks outright why Ilmari doesn’t want to join them, Ilmari replies that he doesn’t want to be rude or intrude, so he is reading a book. Jake laughs, considering the irony of thinking that Ilmari was rude when the goalie was actively trying not to be rude. Returning to his table, Jake sees the topless photo of Rachel.

Jake replies, telling her to warn him “next time,” as he’s sitting next to Caleb. The thought of Caleb seeing the photo thrills Rachel. She sends another tantalizing photo, which hints at nudity but doesn’t reveal anything explicit, though her tattoos are included in the photo and easily allow him to identify her. Jake calls her, and she apologizes for leaving without saying goodbye in Seattle, claiming that she didn’t want to hurt him. They have video sex, with Jake hiding in the bar bathroom and Rachel saying that the virtual encounter can count as their “goodbye.” Jake reveals that Caleb told him about Rachel’s sex toy and asks her to use a different toy during their session together. When they’re finished, she reiterates that she can’t be in a relationship with him, but she is glad that they at least got a chance to say goodbye. He counters that this was a goodbye to the time frame in which they were strangers to each other, but that he is now determined to have some kind of relationship with her, even if it’s just friendship. (He also stresses that he would prefer a romantic relationship.)

Caleb walks Sy, thinking about Jake’s strange behavior the night before. Caleb blames Jake’s “Seattle Girl” (whom he doesn’t yet know is Rachel), for Jake has been talking about his one-night stand in Seattle for months. Caleb is cynical of Jake’s supposed connection with her since she left without exchanging any information. Caleb hopes that the start of the season and a casual sexual experience with one of the fans who follow NHL teams will help to cure Jake’s moodiness. He thinks of his own identity as being “queer,” which he could not articulate, even to himself, when he was still a hockey player. Despite this revelation about himself after he lost his hockey career, Caleb rarely seeks sexual partners because he truly wants a deep relationship, not just a casual one.

Seeing Rachel get into her truck, he approaches her and knocks on her window, startling her. She confesses that she’s afraid of driving the truck and that she had a driver while she was growing up. Caleb insists on driving her to work. As they drive, Rachel fawns over Sy, which leads Caleb to the unexpected thought that he would like Rachel to fawn over him. He pushes the thought back, then reflects that she and Jake would be perfect together. He finds the thought arousing but also terrifying, because he feels that he would “lose” Jake to Rachel’s allure. Caleb suddenly finds comfort in Rachel’s balcony confession about missing someone, as he thinks it means that Jake is “safe.”

Rachel heads to her office, annoyed that Caleb has once again caught her in an embarrassing moment. Jake enters for his physical. He flirts until she reminds him that she has to assess his physical readiness or he won’t be able to play. She conducts several other physicals, but when it comes time for Ilmari’s appointment, he is absent. She proceeds to the next physical: a young player named Langley who has been tricked by his teammates into believing that he has to be naked for the exam. Rachel grumbles at the other players as they laugh at the prank.

After her physicals, Rachel goes to compare notes with Avery, who rudely asks if she needs “a babysitter to double-check [her] work” (123). Though annoyed at his attitude, she remains professional and offers to return later. While she waits, she gets lunch and watches the players practice, curious when she sees that the players listen to Caleb’s advice as if he were a coach. She makes a derisive comment about Caleb’s coaching, saying that if he thinks “it’s so easy, put on some skates and show him how it’s done” (125). Upset by this, Caleb leaves, and a player named Walsh advises Rachel to search Caleb online.

When she does, she learns about Caleb’s injury and realizes that Jake was on Caleb’s team when it happened. She finds Caleb to apologize, but he brushes her off. She persists, touching his arm, and he says that it is “making things worse” (128) to see her pitying him. She argues that empathy is different from pity and claims that she admires him for how hard he must have worked for his recovery. She thinks he is about to kiss her, but he pulls back and returns her car keys, which he still had from that morning. She reflects that she does not need the drama of being attracted to two best friends, both of whom are her coworkers. Refocusing on her job, she sets off to find Ilmari.

Rachel can’t find Ilmari and reschedules him for the next day. She assesses her first official day and considers it a success despite the confusing interaction with Caleb. Meanwhile, Jake continues to send texts that she mostly ignores. Upon opening her car door, she discovers a flood of tiny plastic balls. The Rays, including Caleb and Jake, jump out, laughing at the prank. They invite her to dinner, leaving the rookie players to clean up the balls.

After a week of avoiding Rachel, Ilmari boards an airplane, only to find Rachel in his preferred seat. He asks her to move and is surprised to hear her use his full name as she refuses. He insists, and Rachel is surprised when Jake sides with Ilmari, saying that goalies get what they want. She moves over one seat. Due to his size, he wants that one, too, which irritates her. She demands to know why he has avoided her all week, and by the time she is done, it is too late for her to move, as the plane is taking off. She says that she will sit right next to him for every flight until he shows up for his physical, leaving Ilmari uncertain as to which choice is worse.

The Rays win their first game. Rachel spends the game admiring how hard both Jake and Caleb work in their various roles. Jake asks how she liked her first game, flirting with her and asking her to wear his jersey to a future game. She treats Ilmari for a twisted knee. She wants to get a scan of his knee, but he refuses. Although the brief check is not the same thing as a full physical, she decides to let Ilmari have his seat empty, and so she is surprised when he demands that she sit with him again. Since he had a shutout after she broke his ritual, he has decided that having Rachel sit next to him on the plane will be his new good-luck ritual.

The next game is another shutout. Poppy has organized a team outing at a nearby club and requests that Rachel attend, which gives Rachel a chance to wear the fancy outfit she packed.

Jake is agog when Rachel appears wearing the same dress she wore for their night in Seattle, and he interprets her choice of wardrobe as a sign that she is returning his flirtation. They sit together in a van on the way to the club, and Jake surreptitiously touches Rachel under the top of her dress. As they get out, she places his hand under the hem of her dress, confessing her intense attraction to him, then quickly leaves.

Rachel enters the busy club, thinking about how she enjoys Jake’s pursuit of her and resents keeping him at a distance. They dance closely together, and Rachel decides that she will worry about their coworker status another time. Langley calls out to Jake, drawing his attention to Caleb’s ex-girlfriend, Aspen, who broke up with him for another hockey player immediately after Caleb’s injury. Rachel’s experience with people chasing after her father’s celebrity status make her realize that Aspen isn’t there for Caleb, but rather for the wealthy hockey players who accompany him. Rachel thinks that her own past experience of getting rid of fame-chasers will give her a chance to even the scales between her and Caleb.

Caleb spends the evening watching Rachel and Jake dance, torn between jealousy and happiness that Jake can now finally move on from “Seattle Girl.” He isn’t enjoying the night, and his mood only worsens when he encounters Aspen. He is trying to brush Aspen off, despite her persistence, when Rachel suddenly sits on his lap and acts as though they are a couple. Aspen doesn’t believe it, so Rachel insults her, intentionally getting her name wrong in various ways. Aspen storms off, to the delight of the Rays players. Caleb thinks about his attraction to Rachel, and when Jake approaches, asking her to dance, Caleb thinks that the request seems symbolic. He is therefore astounded when Rachel asks them both to dance with her. Caleb acquiesces, although internally, he believes it to be a bad idea, given his attraction to Rachel and his secret attraction to Jake.

Rachel, Caleb, and Jake go to a dark stairwell. Jake begins kissing Rachel. They both watch Caleb watching them, and then Rachel kisses Caleb, too. She watches carefully for anger, but both men seem interested, so they keep kissing until they are interrupted by a bouncer. They retreat to a storage closet where she admits that she desires them both.

Upon Rachel’s admission to being attracted to both men simultaneously, the three-way sexual encounter gains momentum. Caleb reveals his genital piercings and allows Rachel to bind his hands with a belt. Jake reveals their history, in which Caleb derived pleasure from voyeurism and commanding Jake, so Rachel informs Caleb that if he leaves his hands restrained, she and Jake will obey his commands. At Caleb’s command, they kiss and have sex while Rachel and Caleb engage in oral sex. Rachel finds the experience satisfying, though she laments her lack of self-control with the two men and hopes they can all have a similar experience soon.

As they take a ride share to their hotel, Jake pushes Rachel and Caleb to talk about their experience. When they resist, he assumes this means that the two of them want to be together without him. He reflects that he cannot bear to be near Rachel while she is in a relationship with Caleb.

Rachel notices Jake’s shifted mood. When he confesses his fear that Rachel and Caleb want to be together without him, Caleb calls him an “idiot,” leading the two to argue. Jake demands to be let out of the taxi, and Rachel and Caleb follow him. Jake asserts that he can’t “do this anymore” (190), revealing to Caleb that Rachel is “Seattle Girl.” Caleb is annoyed that Jake didn’t say anything about this connection, and Jake hypothesizes that Rachel wanted their past encounter to remain secret because she is ashamed of him. Rachel rejects this emphatically. Jake retorts that her excuse about their contract isn’t legitimate, as he confirmed with Vicki that the relationship was acceptable if they signed a disclosure with the team and Rachel ceased treating him as her patient. Rachel apologizes for not realizing how badly the distance between them has been hurting Jake. He says he loves her, causing Rachel to cry that being with her in public would “ruin [his] life…the way [she’s] already ruined [hers]” (193).

Caleb’s mind is racing as he attempts to keep up with these revelations. Jake asks what Rachel means about her life being ruined. They all retreat to a diner, where she confesses her father’s identity. She tells them of her family’s troubles with the press who hounded them after her family’s multiple scandals. Not only was her father unfaithful to his wife, but her brother Harrison attempted suicide when he was harassed for being gay following the online posting of an illegal sex tape of him. Rachel herself was also tracked by the press, who documented her alcohol abuse (which began in childhood) and her struggles with an eating disorder during a brief career in modeling.

During her time in rehab for alcohol abuse, she met a heart surgeon, who inspired her to complete her education and become a doctor. She bitterly states that the press only cared about the negative things, not the positive ones. She fears that associating with her will bring Jake unwanted public scrutiny, especially given the queer and polyamorous nature of their encounter. Jake pushes back, but Rachel insists that the press will latch on to whatever version of their story seems most sordid. When he shouts that he doesn’t care, Rachel holds up her phone, showing a timer. It took her less than a minute to make Jake lose his temper, she argues, and the press scrutiny will be much worse than that. Caleb agrees that bad press is dangerous for Jake’s career, then suddenly suggests that Rachel move in with Jake.

Rachel exclaims that moving in with Jake is a terrible idea, given her concerns about the press. Caleb suggests that living together will give them an opportunity to get to know one another away from the Rays. Rachel protests that this is the first time in her life that she has felt successful on her own terms. She fears that she would end up hurting Jake. Caleb and Jake glance at one another, communicating in a way Rachel doesn’t understand, and she feels rattled to think that they act like “soul mates.” To her surprise, Jake agrees that she should move in with him.

Rachel reiterates her belief that moving in with Jake is a bad idea. Jake interrupts, saying that Caleb will move in, too. They are both interested in pursuing a sexual relationship with her, in whatever form she is willing to offer, though Jake emphasizes that he does want a romantic relationship as well. Caleb asserts that between the three of them, their schedules are so busy that the only way they will see one another is through cohabitation. To her own surprise, Rachel finds herself agreeing to move in the next day.