50 pages • 1 hour read
Elliot PagePageboy: A Memoir
Nonfiction | Autobiography / Memoir | Adult | Published in 2023A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
Themes
Self-Discovery and Self-Acceptance
Content Warning: This section of the guide contains detailed descriptions of self-harm, disordered eating, stalking, physical and sexual assault, emotional abuse, suicidal ideation, and anti-LGBTQ bias.
Much of Pageboy is an exploration of Elliot Page’s journey toward self-discovery and self-acceptance. This theme ties together the book’s nonlinear narrative; Page’s decision not to tell his story chronologically reflects his life’s twists and turns. He admits that his journey has been long and difficult and that he has spent “much of [his] life chipping away toward the truth, while terrified to cause a collapse” (9). The book does not progress from adolescence to adulthood but is rather a collection of memories and thoughts that formed the many steps of Page’s journey toward coming out as transgender in 2020.
Further complicating his self-discovery, Page describes many of the obstacles on his journey, including the things that kept him in the closet. He battles toxic Hollywood gender expectations, “the pressure to appear more feminine” (103), and experiences both anti-gay and anti-trans bias from fellow actors, who continually question and invalidate his identity. He faces internal struggles resulting from this scrutiny and discomfort, and this inner conflict makes his journey of self-discovery all the more complicated. His journey is “two steps forward, one step back” (9) as he navigates these challenges. As Page describes these struggles, he shows that self-acceptance and self-discovery are not the same thing. He “knew when [he] was four years old” that he was transgender (22), or at least that he “wasn’t a girl” (22), but despite this, it still took him decades to find self-acceptance and the words to voice what he was experiencing.
Something that finally allows Page to make breakthroughs in his journey to self-acceptance is when people see him for who he is. As a child, he performs in a school production of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory as Charlie, feels “the thrill of playing a boy” (48), and wonders if people will see him as he truly is. When he cuts his hair short at the age of 10, people often read him as a young boy, and he is happy to be perceived this way. It is “unfathomable to [him] that [he isn’t] a boy” (23). As Page ages and goes through puberty, his appearance ceases to reflect his true self. He is forced toward femininity by his family, career, and society in general, and he struggles with being seen as something other than himself. When Page comes out as transgender and gets top surgery, the people around him finally see him as his true self and he feels at peace. While it is difficult to exist in the world as a trans person, Page feels immense relief as soon as he stops denying his identity, pointing toward the importance of self-acceptance.
Complex Interpersonal Relationships
Page’s relationships with other people are rarely simple. Many of his difficult relationships make it hard for him to navigate his journey of self-acceptance. Being closeted impacts his relationships with Paula and Ryan, eventually leading to both of these relationships falling apart, and his breakup with Ryan in particular leaves a lasting mark on his future relationships. He describes his romantic relationships as unwitting “emotional disguise[s]” (187); distractions from his questions about his identity. During his marriage to Emma Portner, Page feels that “Emma’s emotions always took precedence over [his own]” and that this was “purposeful on [his] part” (225-26). In putting Emma’s emotions first, Page is able to run, numb himself, and disassociate from the question of his gender.
As a young teenager, Page becomes isolated from his parents, in part because of his career as an actor and in part because neither Martha, Dennis, nor Linda understands what he is going through. This isolation means that Page rarely talks about his sexuality or gender with his parents. The few times that he tries as a teenager and young adult to tell his mother that he thinks he might be gay, she dismisses him outright. This isolation from figures who are supposed to take care of him puts Page in danger as a teenager, and he experiences several instances of sexual abuse at the hands of directors and crew members when he is a minor.
Eventually, Page comes to understand that his past relationships with Ryan and Emma were both catalysts for change. Shortly after breaking up with Ryan, Page comes out as gay. Though this is a complicated decision that he makes after much deliberation, he chooses to come out so that his future relationships will be less stifled. Soon after he and Emma separate, Page decides to publicly come out as trans. He describes realizing in this relationship that he did not “want to disappear. [He wanted] to exist in [his] body, with these new possibilities” (187).
When Page finally accepts his identity as a trans man, he is able to heal some of his complex interpersonal relationships. He admits that his relationship with his mother has improved significantly and that now, “she loves her son endlessly” (131). His relationship with his father, while not healed, is also something that he can move on from once he better understands his gender. It is actually healthier for him to get some distance from his father and stepmother instead of continually hoping that they will be able to discuss his childhood with him. As he comes to understand himself and his gender, he finds that he is no longer able to hide from his father. The relationship grows more distant, instead of getting closer like the connection between Page and his mother. These varying interpersonal relationships emphasize the value of chosen family and that letting go of people can ultimately be the right choice.
Anti-LGBTQ Sentiments in Hollywood
As an actor, Page has to navigate his life and identity within the context of Hollywood. Anti-LGBTQ themes within Hollywood come up frequently in Pageboy as Page explores the pressures of being closeted and out in the public eye. Page describes being pressured or encouraged to turn down gay roles and having his sexuality trivialized by agents and fellow actors. He notes the disconnect between the perception of Hollywood as an accepting place and the reality, in which people are often “unwilling to acknowledge experiences that are not their own [and] unwilling to listen” (71) to LGBTQ people when they share their experiences. This often manifests as hostility. Page senses “spite from some people in the industry [...] That flash of aggression, hidden in ‘jokes,’ blamed on alcohol, the sexual harassment dismissed” (71), and those with power frequently get away with this behavior.
Worse than having his experiences trivialized are the times that Page has experienced direct and violent anti-gay or anti-trans bias from people in Hollywood. An example in the text is the party where a famous actor threatens sexual violence against Page to “make [him] realize [he isn’t] gay” (70). Page reflects that the power this actor wields means that even though many of Page’s friends witness the event, the actor escapes the consequences. This act of violence does not affect the actor’s career or public image. Page grapples with this power dynamic frequently in Pageboy and points out that so often, people rush to defend anti-trans rhetoric and violence more than they defend trans people.
Beyond threats of violence and invalidating experiences, anti-LGBTQ sentiments in Hollywood also shape Page’s understanding of his gender. His discomfort with feminine clothes, especially tight dresses and heels, is often ridiculed or dismissed. When he chooses to dress in baggy, masculine clothes, the press speculates on his sexuality and calls him anti-gay slurs. All of this contributes to his extreme gender dysphoria and also makes it hard for him to come out, both in 2014 as gay and in 2020 as trans. The constant stress of living in the public eye and worrying about what people are going to say about him because of his visibility as an actor makes it very hard for Page to exist as his authentic self.
When Page is finally able to come out and show the world who he really is, he tries to move beyond these worries. However, he reflects that “the hate and backlash [he] received” when he came out as gay “[are] nothing compared to [what he has experienced],” (246) since coming out as transgender. He constantly worries about what his friends say about him behind his back and “what they really think of [him] when they look at [him]” (246). This is largely because of the anti-trans sentiments that are prevalent throughout much of American society, perpetuated, among other things, by Hollywood stereotypes and gender norms.
