Nineteen Minutes

As Peter sits in jail, he thinks back to a beta fish he had named Wolverine. He’s then told he has a visitor (his attorney, Jordan McAfee) and, on leaving his cell, remembers that he tried to “liberate” his fish by flushing him down the toilet. Joey had pointed out that Peter had killed his fish, not liberated it, as the fish was now in the sewers. Peter likens himself to his fish.In the conference room, Peter remains quiet as Jordan introduces himself. Though Jordan thought it would be easy to establish himself as the authority, he’s shocked to see a frail kid like Peter not react to anything he says. Upon leaving, however, Peter asks him, “how many did I get?” (99).

Lewis rushes home as the officers conduct a search of their house. He and Lacy must wait outside, and they move to the backyard when they see neighbors watching them. They struggle with blame and guilt. Lewis, a professor and expert on happiness, didn’t previously know what feeling hopeless was like but he now does. They go through reasons for what has happened, but Lewis tries to keep Lacy calm. When an officer asks Lewis to accompany him to his basement, Lewis guesses what will come next. Sure enough, some of his guns are missing from the gun cabinet.

A doctor, Ervin Peabody, tells the media that there’s a general way to identify a troubled person like Peter. He knows he isn’t telling the exact truth, but he also knows that Sterling, and the rest of the country, is grieving and wants some sort of solace.

Josie is distraught over Matt’s death, yet she cannot remember all the details. She finds out bits of information by listening to the nurses when they think she’s asleep. She finds out who’s been injured, though it’s harder to find out who has been killed. Everything she thinks of, however, reminds her of Matt. Her mother picks her up and the nurses all say goodbye to her. On leaving, Haley Weaver calls to her from her room. Haley has been shot in the head and looks nothing like the beautiful, enviable person she was before. When asked, Josie lies to Haley by saying that she looks fine.

Alex makes a mental note of the concerns she might face from others about trying the case. She concludes, as before, that as Josie is not friends with Peter anymore, and as Josie was not directly injured in the shooting, she can sit on the case. She tries to bond with Josie andconvince her not to go to Peter’s arraignment, and again realizes that she does not have a motherly rapport with her daughter.

Patrick visits a technician for ballistics results on the guns and bullets. The tech, Selma, tells Patrick that there were two primary guns, Gun A and Gun B. Gun A was fired the most, but for some reason Gun B was also used. They mull over the fact that Matt was shot twice. One shot in the head and one that went clear through his stomach. Both wonder which gun was used to shoot him in the stomach. They won’t know for certain until Patrick can get Selma the slug that went through Matt’s stomach.

At the arraignment, Peter is made to wear a bullet-proof vest. Jordan waives the reading of the charges, and after testimony from a witness, Peter is arraigned on ten counts of first-degree murder and nineteen counts of attempted first-degree murder. Diana Leven and Jordan McAfee, the prosecution and defense, respectively, then speak to the media about the case. Diana realizes that Jordan does not have a case for Peter, given the way he panders to the press.

Josie takes the pills she’d been hoarding and, instead of committing suicide, flushes them down the toilet. With the shooting, Josie realizes that death is not an answer but a question. She had been immature to think she could solve everything by dying. She gets rid of the pills and, when she begins crying, Alex comes in to comfort her. At the same time, Yvette Harvey, mother of Kaitlyn Harvey, talks about Kaitlyn’s life and death to the producer of The Oprah Winfrey Show.

Sterling holds funerals for the ten victims. At Matt’s funeral, people talk about what a great person he was, and his father gets up and speaks. Suddenly, Josie stands and begins walking toward the podium, though her mother tries to stop her. Josie does not know what she’s doing, and when she reaches Matt’s father, he gives her the podium to say something about Matt. Josie knows that everyone is expecting her to say something nice. She’s not sure what she should say, and she eventually begins crying. Her mother holds her and tells her that everyone knows she loved Matt. Josie allows her mom to think this, though she doesn’t agree with the sentiment.

Peter has a conversation with a fellow inmate that causes him to wonder if all inmates think they are innocent of their crimes. He believes he had no choice, that he killed his classmates for a good cause.

Patrick visits Alex and Josie to get more information from Josie. She still can’t remember, but he needs her to try as they need to know about Peter killing Matt and she is the only witness. Though Josie wants her mother to stay, Alex cannot hear anything and remain impartial. She wants to be the mother that Josie needs but cannot be bothmother and judge. Patrick asks Josie about Peter and the bullying, and Josie reveals that Peter did not want to fit in and didn’t try. She says that she used to know Peter from the two working together, but never mentions that they used to be friends.

Lacy visits Peter in jail and is shocked at his demeanor. She realizes that he is not the son she thought she knew. Peter is rude to her; he calls her on the obvious: she isn’t really looking at him, as if scared. Lacy decides to love whatever part of Peter’s humanity is left. Elsewhere, Patrick goes over the video footage of Peter killing kids in the cafeteria. In the footage, Peter takes the headphones from a dead kid and pours himself cereal and eats it. It’s one of the most chilling things Patrick has seen, and even though his best friend Nina calls to console him, Patrick knows that he mustunderstand Peter’s reasoning behind the killings to help him sleep at night and get past this event.

Lewis attempts to return to work as if nothing has happened. He feels his best at work, figuring things out. The head of the econ department arrives and gives his condolences, and then asks Lewis about taking time off. Lewis dismisses the idea, but then realizes that his boss is not suggesting this, he is telling Lewis to leave campus. Back at the police station, Patrick finds out from the tech squad that Peter wrote a program to break through the school’s firewall, so that at 9:58 on every computer at school, it read, “Ready or not…here I come (132).”

Jordan attempts to talk with Peter again. Initially, it doesn’t go well. When Jordan gets angry and prepares to leave, however, Peter tells him how upset he is that everyone is so sad about the dead when they were the bullies. Peter, Jordan notes, sees himself not as a murderer but as a victim. Peter then explains past instances of being bullied, including a mass email that was sent around school. When Jordan presses, him, he says he doesn’t want to talk about the email. Peter asks about Jordan’s children, and Jordan wonders at the fine line between fitting in and becoming adjusted, and not fitting in and then turning to the extreme, as Peter has done.

Another journal entry talks about not fitting in. The writer says that when a person does not fit in they become superhuman. They might know what normal is but normal is something that’s so far removed from them they do not remember how it feels.

The narrative flashes back to the first day of sixth grade. Peter is mortified because his mother has bought him a Superman binder and he will be viewed as uncool with it. Josie helps by getting tape and paper from a custodian and taping the binder up.Unfortunately, Drew Girard pushes him at lunch and he spills his milk on the binder, thus revealing the Superman cover when the soggy paper dissolves. When Drew is forced to get Peter more milk by a teacher, Josie trips Drew and he falls on his face. Everyone laughs, and the narrative notes how the social ladder works in this way. People are at the bottom until they can find someone else to take their place.

Alex tries a case where she ruminates over the fact that she can’t give people in court what they really need. For the defense, she can’t give them rehabilitation but must give them punishment. For the victims, she cannot say sorry. She looks at the girl she’s sitting on a case for and wonders what it would be like to be a girl this young—Josie’s age—and caught in a legal system you don’t understand.

The narrative recalls September 11, 2001. Josie and Peter are at school and their teacher begins crying. The students are shepherded into a room and the TV is turned on so that they can watch. Josie is horrified at the sight of people jumping to their deaths. Both Alex and Lacy arrive to pick up their kids. Lacy is shocked that they’re letting kids watch the news, while Alex thinks they are old enough to understand. Alex is taken aback by Josie’s fear, and she also notes how tall Peter has grown. Alex admits that she would much rather be a good mother than a judge, and vows to do so from this moment forward. In time, however, Alex’s routine returns, and she is once again the judge who places work over her daughter. Her good intentions disappear with her dedication to work.

Peter experiences more bullying. He’s in soccer, and he waits until the end to shower so that no one sees him. One day, however, everyone must shower together. Peter has his glasses off, and his blurred vision moves toward Drew and Matt, who are both showering. Matt accuses Peter of looking at his penis. Peter is mortified; he wonders if he is gay. He then tries to rectify the situation by saying that he didn’t see anything, not understanding that this can be construed as a joke at Matt’s expense. Drew mentions that Matt must have a small penis, and Matt attacks Peter. Peter corrects his statement by saying he’s not wearing his glasses and he can’t see anything. Later, Matt breaks Peter’s glasses.

Josie and Alex go out to dinner for Josie’s birthday, though Josie hates it. Alex must act like a judge, and she is treated like royalty. When a waiter brings her caviar—on the house—Josie is appalled that her mother accepts when she doesn’t even like caviar. She accuses her mother of acting fake, andAlex says she must keep up appearances. Josie thinks about herself and Peter. Neither are popular, and she feels she would never pretend just so that she could be thought of as cool by others.

Peter makes an acquaintance named Derek on his soccer team. They’re the worst players on the team and so spend their time on the bench. Peter likes Derek as he tells jokes all the time, but Peter’s also afraid that he might like Derek as more than a friend. He doesn’t want to ruin a potential friendship in this way. He’s then mortified when he sees his mother arrive. She marches straight to the coach and demands that Peter be allowed to play in games. The entire team watches as Peter’s mom sticks up for him and argues with the coach. Peter is then made fun of by everyone, adding to his unpopularity.

Josie goes to Courtney Ignatio’s house for a homework assignment. She doesn’t like Courtney because she is a popular girl. Josie is amazed by her room, however, and when Courtney leaves momentarily, Josie tries on some of her makeup. Courtney returns and tells Josie she looks good in makeup.

Peter finally goes hunting with his father and is elated to be doing something that Joey can’t do. Joey is the golden child but gets sick at the sight of blood. Peter wants to make his father proud and to feel important, but when it comes time to kill a large deer, he misses on purpose. He doesn’t want to kill anything. His father, however, kills the deer. He knows Peter missed on purpose but appeases him by saying that Peter will have better luck next time.

One day, Peter sees a girl named Dolores get her period in class. Peter points it out to everyone and brings embarrassment to Dolores. For the first time, Peter feels like part of the in-crowd. Even his tormentors like Matt treat him like he’s one of the group. Matt has him recite what he saw and did to his other friends. Josie also joins in on the taunting. When Dolores returns, the kids plan a trick. They march up to Dolores, one by one, and drop a tampon on her. Though Peter is thrilled at no longer being on the bottom of the social pole, when it’s his turn, he sees Dolores’s face and cannot go through with it. He is then ridiculed by Matt, thus returning to the bottom of the social latter. Peter begs Josie not to go through with it either, but she walks up and drops the tampon on Dolores anyway. Peter confronts Josie after school, and she says that she can’t hang out with him anymore. She wants to be a part of the cool kids, which means she cannot be seen with Peter.

A journal entry ends the chapter. The writer talks about self-hate, about how one will always wonder why people hate. Then one day, the writer stares into a mirror and realizes that he or she hates what they see as well.