My Year of Meats

This chapter is prefaced by an excerpt from Shōnagon in which she states her preference for women with “poignantly desolate” homes instead of polished, organized ones (286).

Akiko wakes in a hospital bed. A nurse named Tomoko arrives and explains her husband had found her unconscious and brought her in. She says her husband must be “very kind” but when Akiko doesn’t respond she acknowledges that impression may be incorrect (289). She leaves Akiko with a note from John that says he feels bad about causing her “so much pain” and that he wants to work things out so that they can proceed to have a baby (290). Akiko throws out the note and falls asleep. Tomoko finds her passed out and accidentally brushes against her sleeping form which immediately causes Akiko to recoil (291). Tomoko then surveys Akiko’s bruises and thinks about the content of the note and knows for certain Akiko is being abused. 

Jane regains consciousness in the van headed to the hospital. When she realizes she is covered in blood she starts shouting and weeping. The crew explains the blood is from the slaughterhouse, trying to calm her down. She next regains consciousness in a hospital bed with Bunny at her side. Bunny explains she is there because the crew thought it best a woman was there when Jane woke up. Jane asks if this is because she had lost her child and Bunny confirms that is the case. Jane tries to send Bunny away, but Bunny insists Jane listen to her before she leaves. She tells Jane not to blame herself because the fetus was already “dead,” and she would have had a miscarriage no matter what happened at the slaughterhouse (293). 

Jane still sees the miscarriage as her fault, so Bunny tries a different tactic and explains that she has gone her whole life letting others control what happened and that it wasn’t until she met Jane that she started to take control. Jane still feels unsatisfied, especially when Bunny tries to convince her Gale isn’t molesting Rosie. She insists he is a “prick,” which Bunny agrees with before leaving (296).  

Jane wakes in the night and continues to try to figure out when and where her child died. She vividly recalls one of the cows dying and apparently “dreaming of an endless green pasture” in the moments leading up to death (297). She thinks about her brief visit from Dave and her crew but decides that ultimately the interaction was “awkward” (296). The next day the doctor comes in to check on her and she bombards him with questions about the miscarriage. She finds out her child would have been a boy and that there are several possible reasons the child died. 

She then receives a phone call from Kenji who tells her she is fired and that the tapes from the Dunn show were destroyed in the accident at the slaughterhouse. Before she can process the loss, Sloan calls, finds out about the miscarriage, and hangs up on her. 

When she is discharged from the hospital, Dave picks her up and hands her a present: the tapes Kenji had told her were destroyed. Dave explains that was a lie to throw John off, that the crew had made copies to send to her. He then tells her he no longer feels like people don’t take action and that her work with Bunny has restored his ability to hope. Back at her house Jane hides the tapes and pulls out the clothes the hospital had cut off her when she arrived in the ER. She begins to cry as she wonders if the blood on them is from her child or from the cows. She then throws the clothes out.

Akiko’s mother-in-law arrives and assures her John is wonderful and that she is well taken care of. Akiko feigns unconsciousness in the hopes of making her disappear. The doctor comes in and tries to get her to explain the bruises, but she refuses. The next morning Tomoko shows up to take her to get X-Rays, but Akiko says she can’t, she had a vision and believes she is pregnant. She tells Tomoko about being raped and that she believes she was impregnated by John at the time. Tomoko admits Akiko sounds a bit “crazy,” but she agrees to help Akiko and call off the X-Rays (307). She asks if Akiko is planning on staying with John and Akiko says she isn’t sure. Tomoko then offers to let Akiko stay with her.

Jane shows up at her mother’s after being fired, and her mother can tell right away the baby is gone. Jane explains that she did not abort, but that the baby died, and then connects her child’s death to the DES her mother was once prescribed. When her mother denies the connection Jane gets upset and accuses her mother of being a follower. Her mom says she feels “sorrow” for Jane but that she was only doing what she thought was best (312). She tells Jane that after Jane’s birth she had to “take out my woman parts” and give up any chance of having another child because Jane was so big (312). Her mom then comforts Jane as Jane cries (313). 

Jane hangs out with her mom for a couple weeks, eating traditional Japanese dishes and mulling over their past. She goes to the doctor to check up on her body post-miscarriage and she is prescribed a pill called “Tace” to help with her swelling breasts (314). She heads for the library after the doctor and looks the pill up. It turns out to be estrogen, something she “never” should have been given based on her “known or suspected estrogen-dependent neoplasia” so she flushes the pills and heads for New York (314). Before leaving, her mother warns her to stop being so wishy-washy and go for what she wants. She hands Jane a nickel, a nod to an “Oriental superstition” she had told Jane about earlier which says you should have a specific coin in your mouth if you want to conceive, and they part ways (314).

Akiko comes home to an empty house, cleans, and makes herself tea. John calls and apologizes, saying he wants to work things out (316). Akiko responds to him affirmatively but evasively, and when he hangs up she orders a plane ticket for New York. She spends the next few weeks eating “simple meals” and visualizing the growth of her baby (317). Before she heads to New York she invites Tomoko over for a big dinner and shows her a pregnancy test, proving she is pregnant. She tells Tomoko she believes it’s a girl and that she wants to raise her in America, so she has a chance to be an “American Wife” like the ones on the show (318). Tomoko reminds Akiko she “doesn’t have to be a wife at all” (318). Akiko then kisses Tomoko and asks if she is a lesbian. They both decide they aren’t sure about their sexuality, and Akiko admits she is not sure about anything. She offers to make Tomoko her future baby’s “aunt” (319). Right before Akiko heads to New York where she plans to contact Jane for help, she withdraws money from her joint account with John. She starts to feel nervous, so she focuses on the music in her headphones and her future (320).

This chapter is prefaced by an excerpt from Shōnagon in which she lists “Things That Are Near Though Distant” and a quote from French writer and photographer Chris Marker’s Sans Soleil which questions how people were able to remember things previous to photography (323).

Jane dedicates herself to editing the Dunn footage. She calls Sloan a few times and eventually leaves a message. She tries to call Bunny, but John says she and Rosie are out of town. She feels daunted by the cost and breadth of the work she is trying to do. A call from Akiko comes seemingly out of nowhere announcing that she needs Jane’s help. Jane takes her in, makes her tea, and listens to Akiko’s story about leaving John. She agrees to help Akiko follow some of her dreams. They spend time shopping and eating together then Akiko departs. Jane edits the footage with a refreshed mind. She finds the editing hard since she is not used to creating a whole documentary, just part of a series. She reflects on her own and other Americans’ willful “ignorance” towards the problematic meat industry and wonders if her documentary will change anything (332). When she feels finished with the project, she sends copies to many of the American wives she worked with, as well as to Sloan. 

Grace agrees to let Akiko visit her family for a week if Jane agrees to check in on her daughter, Joy, when Joy visits New York City. Grace also tells Joy to discuss adoption with Jane when she sees her, since Jane is considering adopting. When Akiko arrives at Grace’s, she is treated like family and when they find out she is with child Grace offers to let her stay. Akiko is overjoyed at their generosity but says she cannot take their offer at the time.

A worker on a train finds out Akiko is from Japan, and he encourages the other passengers to share their food with her so she doesn’t have to eat the generic Amtrak meals (337). They do and the worker leads the passengers in a jaunty tune while Akiko “clap(s) her hands in time” and fills “with delight” (339). 

Jane calls Dyann and Lara and asks if they are upset. They tease her for a while but eventually concede they have forgiven her. They tell her they watched her documentary and found it important. Jane proposes that they let Akiko come visit them, and they agree. 

Akiko moves into a new apartment found and furnished by Dyann and Lara who aid her in every way they can. She writes a letter to John telling him she is never coming back.

Jane watches the documentary with her crew, and they sit back in awe, saying they are “proud” to have worked on it with her (343). Like the lesbians, however, they seem skeptical that Jane will be able to sell it anywhere. They all go out drinking and Jane finds out they knew about Sloan all along, they were just being “polite” by not mentioning him (344). She also finds out that they know Sloan was in New York City playing recently. 

Given that information, Jane tracks him down in Memphis, where she arrives at the club where he is playing. After he plays, she goes up to see him, but there is a girl hanging around him, obviously with him. Before she can “get the fuck out” he catches her eye and immediately approaches her and leads her outside (348). He tells her he wants her to say she is sorry and mean it (349). She does and they both cry and then go back to his hotel and have sex. The next morning she drives them to Helen’s church so he can experience the music and so she can apologize to Helen. They discuss getting married.

This chapter is prefaced by an excerpt from Shōnagon in which she discusses her regret over her pillow book, the private diary in which she writes her lists and poems, becoming public (354).

Jane walks back in her apartment fresh from her tryst in Memphis to a full answering machine and a ringing phone. News stations all across the nation are trying to contact her. She calls Bunny who explains that she showed her husband, John, the documentary and he “went ballistic” and made Gale confess to the government he was still using DES and was part of an “illegal hormone ring” (356). From there, the press got wind of it and had been hounding the Dunns ever since. Not wanting to deal with the media, Bunny explained she had sent them all in Jane’s direction in hopes that Jane would sell them her documentary (358). 

Jane does sell it, both in pieces and in its entirety. When the film becomes widely available, John Ueno and Kenji get in trouble because it’s clear that their episode about the Dunn’s was a polished lie. John Ueno is “demoted” and Kenji out of a job (358). Jane feels bad for Kenji and tries to make him feel better by insinuating he could do more outside of the TV industry anyways. He then insists she call back Suzie Flowers who has spent almost the whole year trying to get back into contact with Jane. Jane thought it was because Suzie was angry with her, but Suzie wants to thank her because she feels the episode saved her marriage.