Men We Reaped

Chapter 8 starts with 15-year-old Ward’s first encounter with nine-year-old Ronald at her high school’s summer camp, where she worked as a counselor. He reminds her of her brother Josh. Ward describes this period of her life as “the tail end of a devout Christian phase” (164) precipitated by her interest in the Christian tenets of unconditional love and acceptance. She later falls away from the church when confronted with “the rigidity of the doctrine and the hypocrisy of some of the most devout Christian students I went to school with” (164). As a child, Ronald exudes charisma and even declares to the older Ward, “One day I’m going to marry you” (167).

Ronald maintains this charm as he grows older and “always [seems] to be smiling, to be leaning forward as he [walks], all the angles of his body harmonious like a song” (169). Ward, in retrospect, alludes to a darker side to Ronald. She connects her own experiences with a diminished sense of self-worth and comments on the prevalence of these feelings in their community.

Ward witnesses Ronald’s persistent charm and continued declarations of marriage. Despite this, Ward admits there are many things she does not know about Ronald’s life, including his cocaine use and work as a drug dealer, which causes a rift in his family that leaves him homeless at age 19.

Ronald battles with his addiction, feeling “that he [can’t] please any of the women in his life, including his girlfriend” (172). His cousin Selina takes him in and attempts to reconcile Ronald’s relationship with his mother, who expresses “her frustration and helplessness in the face of Ronald’s addiction. Ronald [takes] this as rejection” (172). Ronald confesses to Selina that he once almost attempted suicide with a gun. He expresses his sadness and frustration over his relationship with his girlfriend, whom he does not trust.

The day before his death, Ronald speaks with another cousin and appears optimistic about the future, sharing his desire to join the military and escape. Selina recalls how, on that day, Ronald never showed up to her son’s birthday party. One of Ronald’s friends calls Selina and tells her that she spotted a disoriented Ronald at a local gas station. Ronald disappeared before she could approach him.

Though at the time Ward not know about Ronald’s depression and drug use, she now forges a connection to her own experiences with depression. Ward lists a series of statistics on depression in Black males, including the fact that “the percentage of African Americans, men and women, who do not receive care for mental disorders is half that of non-Hispanic Whites” (175). Each of these statistics highlights the stark inequalities in mental healthcare and the devastating consequences, which make “Black men more vulnerable to incarceration, homelessness, substance abuse, homicide, and suicide” (175-76). Ward concludes her analysis of these statistics by claiming that Ronald understood the realities of these numbers and their widespread effect; “he knew it walked with all of us, and he was tired of walking” (176).

Ward imagines what transpired on Ronald’s last night as he argued with his girlfriend over the phone while he sat alone in his sister’s apartment. Ward conjures her version of his possible surroundings, describing Ronald’s potential feelings of hopelessness and his ultimate act of shooting himself in the head. She recalls being notified of Ronald’s death by her sister Charine over the phone. She returns home from New York for the funeral.

Years after Ronald’s death, Ward and Charine smoke with Ronald’s girlfriend, who shares with them her last moments with Ronald over the phone. She repeatedly shares how, out of anger, she refused to tell Ronald she loved him that night, even though she did. Ward ends the chapter with the argument that Ronald saw how Black men lack control over their own lives at the hands of greater societal and historical forces. Ward claims, “Ronald saw it all, and it buried him” (180).