Iona Iverson's Rules for Commuting

Martha is being harassed at school about the nude picture she sent to Freddie. He said everyone sent such photos when they liked someone, and Martha is trying very hard to fit in. Freddie shared the picture with a friend, who also shared it, and now that picture is everywhere Martha goes. She berates herself for her stupidity.

18:17 Waterloo to Surbiton

Piers avoids Iona on the homebound train and sits elsewhere. He looks at the numbers tracking his investment and is worried to see his losses. Iona finds him and asks if it was nearly dying that made him realize he hates his career. Piers admits he at first loved his job because he loved numbers. Math helped him escape a chaotic childhood with a father who gambled and a mother who drank. He recalls the teacher who helped him and realizes he’d like to be a teacher, too, but he’d never make any money.

Piers tucks his daughter, Minty, into bed, then has dinner with his wife. Candida ridicules the thought of him being a poorly paid teacher. Though he tells her he’s miserable, she suggests he keep his salary until their young kids are done with school, and then he can do what he wants.

08:36 New Malden to Waterloo

Sanjay is feeling sluggish from nightmares and missed his usual train. Iona is at his station, looking for him. They board carriage 3, Iona’s usual, and she goes to the table where she usually sits, compelling a businessman to give up his seat. Iona invites Sanjay to join her and Emmie at the Hampton Court maze.

Iona spots David and speaks to him. David is worried about speaking in a public place, but Iona assures him no one is listening. David says his marriage has become empty in the years after their daughter grew up and moved out. Iona instructs David to put romance and passion back into his marriage. A man beside them tells David he’s been trying to get divorced for years. Sanjay’s mother texts him, trying to set him up on a date with her friend’s daughter.

Iona is attending a brainstorming session at work, which she finds painful, especially since the seating is beanbags. A colleague tells Iona a video of her speech about pubic hair was shared all over Twitter. Ed says the magazine’s readership is getting older and they need to pull in younger readers using influencers. He shares the picture of Fizz reading their magazine. Ed expects Iona not to know who Fizz is. Iona replies that she can get in touch with Fizz through a friend and suggests they meet at the Savoy Grill.

18:17 Waterloo to Surbiton

Piers has learned Iona and Bea were famous “It Girls” of the 80s and 90s, socialites who were photographed everywhere. Iona’s nickname was “Iona Yacht.” Iona admits part of the appeal was that she and Bea were openly gay; people called them “lipstick lesbians” (96). Piers notes that, where other commuters used to avoid Iona, now the seats around her are always occupied. Iona reflects that she still feels 27, but in their youth-obsessed culture, she’s a “dinosaur.” Iona asks Piers if he’s looking into a career change.

Sanjay arrives at the Hampton Court gardens, wondering why Iona invited him, and sees Emmie. Sanjay feels embarrassed and scolds Iona for setting them up. She sends him and Emmie off into the maze and they enjoy navigating to the center, where Iona joins them. Emmie mentions her boyfriend, Toby.

Iona is disappointed to hear that Emmie has been with her boyfriend for two years. They have coffee and Iona fishes for their answers to questions she is getting for her advice column. Toby calls, and Emmie steps away to speak with him. When Sanjay is disappointed, Iona describes how she stole Bea away at the altar when she was about to marry an older man. She remembers driving to the coast with Bea and her luggage, laughing and carefree. She tells Sanjay, “sometimes fate just shows you the way to go and you have no option but to follow” (109).

Emmie has been fascinated with Iona for a year now, as long as she’s been taking the train. She liked that Iona stands out and does not care what others think of her. After the grape incident, when she discovered Iona’s name and profession, she told her friend Fizz, who says she admires Iona, who was an influencer before there were influencers. Fizz begs for an introduction.

Toby has called to say he made them a meal, even though he knew Emmie was meeting friends. He’s not pleased to hear Sanjay joined them. Emmie has been feeling a bit claustrophobic after moving in with Toby, and suspects he is right to be jealous, as Sanjay is very good-looking and also clever, kind, and good at his job. Emmie recalls how, two years ago, she lost her wallet on the Tube, and Toby loaned her money. She decides to go home to Toby, reflecting on how lucky she is.

08:19 New Malden to Waterloo

Sanjay is thinking about Julie Harrison’s first chemo treatment when he notices school-age girls bullying a girl beside him they call Martha. He thinks of the unspoken rule of not interfering while on a train. Then he asks himself what Iona would do, and decides to be more like her. He tells Martha he was bullied, too. People told him to go back to where he came from, because his parents are from India, though he was born in Wembley. He asks Martha if she knows Iona. Martha does: She calls her “Magic Handbag Lady.” Sanjay advises Martha to ask Iona what to do.

Iona and Ed approach the maître d’ of the Savoy, with Ed scolding Iona that she won’t be allowed to bring in Lulu. Ed introduces himself with great self-importance. The maître d’ ignores him and greets Iona with a kiss on both cheeks. He says he will break the rule about dogs for her and will oust the Chancellor of the Exchequer to give Iona the best table. He knew Iona back in her heyday, and she used to give him and his girlfriend free theater tickets.

Iona is nervous about meeting Fizz. She doesn’t understand how young people are able to publicly share every detail of their lives. Ed panders, but Fizz informs him she’s a fan of Iona. Iona is hopeful, “beginning to feel, just a little bit, like the woman Fizz thought she was. The woman she used to be” (124).

18:17 Waterloo to Hampton Court

Iona is elated: Fizz has agreed to write a column for the magazine. Iona recalls a day, 10 years ago, when Bea put on a suit and rode the train, and she and Iona pretended to be strangers who just met and began kissing. The guard threw them off the train for lewd behavior. Bea always encouraged Iona to stand out. Iona thinks about how she has found support in her “train gang” (127), who keep her from brooding while it feels her life is unraveling.

To celebrate with Piers, Iona pulls two gin and tonics, along with nuts and napkins, from her handbag. She shares the Fifth Rule of Commuting: always come prepared (128). A young girl named Martha approaches. Martha begins to cry as she explains to Iona how she has no one to talk to and doesn’t fit in. Iona asks why she wants to fit in. She suggests Martha must divert attention and get people to think of her as something else besides Naked Girl. She asks Martha what her “thing,” or passion, is. Piers’s thing, Iona says, is numbers. Iona’s is helping people. Martha says she likes acting. Iona says she used to be on the stage; that’s how she met Bea. She encourages Martha to audition for the school’s play, Romeo and Juliet. Martha says she will have to get her math grade up. Iona gives Piers a hard stare until he offers to tutor Martha.

08:08 Thames Ditton to Waterloo

Toby proposes to Emmie at a fancy Italian restaurant, and she accepts. She enthuses over the diamond, though she secretly always dreamed of an emerald engagement ring. On the train, she hides her ring until Sanjay can be there for the reveal. She suppresses a flicker of attraction to him and shows off her ring. Everyone approves, and Emmie asks the others about their engagements. Iona reveals that after gay marriage was legalized in Britain in July 2013, she and Bea were one of the first couples to be married. David recalls how he proposed to Olivia after they saw an Oscar Wilde play, and Iona tells him to take Olivia back there for their 40th anniversary, which will be soon. At work, Emmie’s “friend” emails her saying she doesn’t deserve a man like Toby.

19:00 Waterloo to New Malden

Sanjay is dispirited at news of Emmie’s engagement. He would have chosen an emerald, he thinks, to match her eyes. Sanjay’s mother texts him during the train home, pushing him to meet her friend’s daughter. Emmie sits beside him and they converse about Sanjay’s work as a nurse. As he stops in a coffee shop on his way home, Sanjay sees Piers at his laptop. He envies Piers his wealth. Piers looks guilty when Sanjay recognizes him, and Sanjay wonders if Piers is having an affair.