Iona Iverson's Rules for Commuting

08:13 Surbiton to Waterloo

Piers doesn’t usually take this train, but his schedule is off as his wife, Candida, fired the au pair and Piers had to help the children get ready for school. The only seat he can find is next to Crazy Dog Woman, whom he usually tries to avoid. However, there is also an attractive young woman with red hair wearing a pink pencil skirt. Piers thinks of the two of them as “attractive and successful commuters […] stranded in a sea of mediocre humanity” (7). He’s been losing money in the markets and fears he will lose more. When he begins choking on a grape from his fruit salad, the woman in the red suit stands up and shouts, asking if there is a doctor on the train. Someone responds that he is a nurse and performs the Heimlich maneuver.

08:19 New Malden to Waterloo

Sanjay boarded the train at New Malden determined that today he would talk to The Girl on the Train. He’d noted the book she was reading last time, Rebecca, and has begun reading a copy. He spots the girl sitting next to Rainbow Lady, whom Sanjay both admires and is terrified of, and a plump, prosperous, but arrogant-looking man.

When he hears someone call for a nurse, Sanjay responds efficiently and saves the choking man. Everyone in the carriage applauds. Piers introduces himself and thanks Sanjay. When the station to Waterloo is announced, Sanjay desperately asks the girl what she thinks of Mrs. Danvers, then notices she is reading Michelle Obama’s autobiography.

Emmie stops at a coffee shop and talks with the barista about how she saw a man almost die on the train. She’s upset to think that after all her big ambitions as a teenager about saving the world, she now works in advertising. She thinks of the competent nurse, whom she finds very good-looking. At work, she gets an email from a strange address telling her that she looks like “a tart” in her pink skirt. She is embarrassed and wonders who sent the message.

18:17 Waterloo to Hampton Court

Iona meets with her editor and Brenda from HR for an appraisal that does not go well. She holds her head high, as in her stage days. Ed says her “Ask Iona” column is old-fashioned and the magazine needs to pull in a younger demographic. He wants Iona to put in more “sizzle.” Iona cries in the bathroom and reflects on the days when she owned the social columns. She overhears two women referring to her as “a dinosaur.”

On the train, the only open seat is across from Grape Guy, Piers. Iona takes a flask of gin and tonic out of her handbag, along with lemon. Instead of acknowledging her for helping save his life, Piers loudly makes a call asking his wife to chill champagne. Lulu growls, and when Piers reacts, Iona tells him Lulu can sense toxic masculinity.

Sanjay is now working in oncology. He likes the chance to build relationships with patients, but also finds that he gets entangled in their lives. As he tends to Julie Harrison after her biopsy, he tries to reassure her, even though Sanjay could tell the sonographer reacted to the picture of Julie’s tumor. After she leaves, Sanjay hides in the family visiting room while he has a panic attack.

08:13 Surbiton to Waterloo

Martha leaves her apartment, hearing her mother with her boyfriend, and boards the train thinking about the texts she exchanged the night before with Freddie, who is clever and funny. She compares herself to David Attenborough narrating a nature documentary as she tries to navigate teenage cliques. Just as she is about to take a seat, a middle-aged businessman flings himself into it and opens his laptop. Martha’s phone buzzes, and when she sees what her year 10 group is chatting about, she throws up over Seat Stealer’s computer. Magic Handbag Lady stands up for Martha, scolding Seat Stealer when he yells.

08:05 Hampton Court to Waterloo

Iona sips her tea and smiles at Sanjay as he sits near her. The train stops, and there is an announcement of a delay. Iona converses with him and learns he has been avoiding the girl Iona calls Impossibly-Pretty-Bookworm. As Sanjay lists the things he admires about the girl, Iona declares she will help him: She is a magazine therapist. She also hopes that being near the two younger people will help her write her column.

18:17 Waterloo to Surbiton

Piers used to be called “Midas”; every stock he touched turned to gold. Now he feels that his life is becoming complicated. The only open seat on the train is next to Crazy Dog Woman. He doesn’t like feeling like he owes her, or the way she is glaring at him, so he tries to soften her. He asks her name and suggests she has misjudged him. Piers confesses that he hates his job as a futures trader. He thinks of it as a lifestyle that is killing him. He asks Iona if she likes her job, and Iona says she loves it as much as Bea, whom she has been with for 35 years. Piers reflects that his wife, Candida, feels more like a trophy or status symbol.

Iona plays an album, and she and Bea dance and reminisce. Iona shows Bea the Dictaphone that she used to record the details of parties as their driver took them home. Iona called it “the Dictator.” She plays a tape of her and Bea discussing a party they attended. Iona confides that she thinks the magazine is going to fire her, and she cries.

08:19 New Malden to Waterloo

As Sanjay boards, Iona whistles to him. The Girl on the Train is sitting nearby, reading a book. Iona introduces her as Emmie and says she is in advertising. Iona’s attention is caught by the man beside Sanjay. He is very bland-looking and blends into the background, but appears to be in distress. He opened his lunchbox to find a note from his wife saying “I can’t do this anymore” (54). Iona asks his name, saying she’s never seen him before, and David says he’s been taking this train for decades and has seen her many times. David describes his married life, which is very routine. Iona tells him that women of a certain age want to be seen and reassured that they matter.

During the rest of his day, Sanjay is embarrassed by what little he said to Emmie. He sees Julie Harrison in the waiting room, looking frightened. He has a panic attack in the supply cupboard and recites the elements of the periodic table to calm himself down.

Emmie meets with her boss and a team discussing how to advertise a new diet pill. Emmie balks at encouraging young women to feel bad about their bodies and is assigned to a toothpaste client. A stranger sends her a text saying, “You think you’re so clever, but we all know you’re a fake” (62). When she asks who the sender is, the reply is, “A friend” (63). She is worried.