I'll Give You the Sun

“Every time Grandma S. read Jude’s and my palms, she’d tell us that we have enough jealousy in our lines to ruin our lives ten times over. I know she’s right about this. When I draw Jude and me with see-through skin, there are always rattlesnakes in our bellies. I only have a few. Jude had seventeen at last count.”

Noah acknowledges the simmering conflict between Jude and him, born of the jealousy that they have each always felt with respect to the other. This calls to the main theme of the book, Rivalry and Identity in Sibling Relationships as the competition that exists between Noah and Jude propels the action of the narrative and presents the central conflict that the story eventually resolves.

“To disappear into thin air: Cut off three feet of blond curls and shove remaining hair into a black skullcap. Keep tattoo tucked away where no one can see it. Wear only oversized hoodies, oversized jeans, and sneakers. Stay quiet. (Occasionally, I write a bible passage of my own.)”

Jude reflects on a “Bible” passage of her own creation, with reference to how she has changed, and why, after Dianna’s death. This entry points to two things: Jude’s obsessiveness with the “Bible” and using it to ward of bad luck, as well as the root of her obsession, which is her perception that the loss of her virginity is somehow linked to Dianna’s death. Both events seemed like they were out of her control, and Jude believes that compulsively following the “Bible” will bring back some semblance of order and predictability in her life.

“‘You have to do something about him […] You are your brother’s keeper, dear.’ This is one of her refrains. She’s like my conscience or something. That’s what the counselor at school said anyway about Grandma’s and Mom’s ghosts […].”

Once again, Jude wears the role of Noah’s protector, an identity that has been reiterated multiple times by the people around her, including Noah, so much so that Jude has internalized it. Jude’s reference to her school counselor indicates her mental struggles after Dianna’s death and how others believe she copes with her grief by manifesting her grandmother and mother’s appearances throughout the novel.

“Mom says Jude acts the way she does now on account of hormones, but I know it’s on account of her hating me. She stopped going to museums with us ages ago, which is probably a good thing, because when she did, her shadow kept trying to strangle mine.”

Noah accurately divines that Jude’s behavior is a result of her jealousy. maintaining the sense of competition between the twins, Jude switches focus and tries to differentiate herself from Noah as much as possible. This pattern of one-upmanship followed by separation characterizes the journey of Noah and Jude’s relationship with each other.

“I snapped a picture with Dad’s camera, but then something really horrible and maggoty came over me and as soon as Jude had walked off and was out of sight and earshot, I […] knocked into the awesome bird-woman with my whole body, toppling and kicking it to nothing. […] I had to do it. It was too good. What if Mom had gone for a walk and seen it? Because what if it’s Jude who has it?”

The competition between the twins rears its head in the form of destruction, first with Noah as he ruins Jude’s sand sculptures. The context and medium of art reflects Noah and Jude’s rivalry and the status of their relationship with one another. In this timeline, Jude’s art is secretive and temporal in the sand, while Noah’s is proudly produced for Dianna’s approval.

“I start to run, start to turn into air, the blue careening off the sky, careening after me, as I sink into green, shades and shades of it, blending and spinning into yellow, freaking yellow, then head-on colliding into the punk-hair purple of lupine: everywhere. I vacuum it in, all of it, in, in—(SELF-PORTRAIT: Boy Detonates Grenade of Awesome)—getting happy now, the gulpy, out-of-breath kind that makes you feel you have a thousand lives crammed inside your measly one […].”

This passage exemplifies Noah’s worldview: He sees and experiences the world around him in art and colors, constantly mind-painting as a way of thinking and processing his experiences. It indicates Noah’s natural inclination towards art and the intensity of his need to express himself in artistic terms, in keeping with the theme of Self -Expression in Art.

“This shocks me. She’s never asked for a drawing before. I’m horrible at giving them away. ‘For the sun, stars, oceans, and all the trees, I’ll consider it,’ I say, knowing she’ll never agree. She knows how badly I want the sun and trees. We’ve been dividing up the world since we were five.”

This passage displays Jude’s instant attraction to Oscar even before she was sure of his existence, highlighting The Interconnection of Love, Luck, and Destiny; it indicates that competition has existed between Noah and Jude for a long time, as they have been playing this game since they were five years old; and it signifies where the book’s title comes from, as Jude replies shortly after, “I’ll give you the sun”.

“He’s like a bag of selves. This Einstein one. The fearless meteor-hurling god. The crazy laughing guy. The Ax! There’s more too, I know it. Hidden ones. Truer ones. Because why is his inside face so worried?”

Noah perceives that Brian has a secret and is hiding his source of anxiety behind multiple faces. Ironically, Noah does this himself a few years later: He changes almost overnight after breaking up with Brian, grieving Dianna’s death, and being rejected from CSA. Noah becomes social, blends in with the other, “normal” teenagers at school, and hides his sexuality and artistic impulses for years.

“…suddenly coils and coils of Jude’s hair are slithering in my direction like an army of serpents. Jude was there, Courtney said. Was this Jude’s idea, then? Because she knows I threw out that note she left for Mom? Because she knows how I feel about Brian? (PORTRAIT, SELF-PORTRAIT: Twins: Jude with Rattlesnake Hair, Noah with Rattlesnake Arms).”

Noah’s response and mind-painting indicates his awareness that he has done something harmful to Jude to warrant retaliation: He threw out Jude’s note inviting Dianna to see her sand sculptures. Communicating this understanding, Noah depicts Jude with “Rattlesnake Hair” and himself with “Rattlesnake Arms”—Noah’s jealous act of throwing out the note is met with Jude’s attempted seduction of Brian.

“Because in addition to joining dangerous gangs and having parties, this Noah also goes out with girls, keeps his hair buzzed and tidy, hangs at The Spot, watches sports with Dad. For all other sixteen-year-old boys: fine. For Noah, it signifies one thing: death of the spirit. A book with the wrong story in it.”

Jude’s acknowledgement that, while Noah’s behavior itself is not abnormal, it is the wrong fit for Noah. Her analysis of her twin’s motivations highlights their close connection as well as demonstrates how Noah is suppressing who he is. While Jude possesses this awareness about Noah, she lacks insight into her own behavior, which exhibits the same self-denial.

“‘Let me count the ways,’ she sang out…wait, she is singing out! […] It’s her, here, now—her deep gravelly voice is reciting the poem to me! ‘I love thee with the breath, smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death.’ ‘Mom?’ I whisper. ‘I hear you.’ Every single night before I go to bed, I read this poem aloud to her, wishing for this.”

Jude’s intensity of delight in hearing Dianna’s voice indicates how deeply Jude has been longing for Dianna’s attention and love. Jude’s experience of having been ignored or sidelined by Dianna is one of the largest contributors to her Sibling Rivalry with Noah.

“I look at the two of them mirroring each other across the table and realize: They are father and son, just not by blood. I didn’t know that family members could just find each other, choose each other like they have. I love the idea. And I’d like to trade in Dad and Noah for these two.”

To a girl who has only witnessed intense, complicated relationships with family, this kind of familiarity between people who are not related is a welcome surprise to Jude. It highlights the intensity of the impact that Dianna’s death has had on Jude: Once Benjamin’s favorite and inseparable from Noah, she would now readily trade in her father and twin for two people she has just met.

“Everything is true at once. Life is contradiction. We take in every lesson. We find what works. Okay, now pick up the charcoal and draw.”

Guillermo’s advice comes back to Jude when she contemplates Dianna and her equations with Benjamin and Guillermo, respectively. In a moment of character growth, Jude understands and accepts Dianna’s deep love for Guillermo and the hurt that she caused Benjamin and her family in pursuing this love.

“‘Prophesized?’ I say. Is this the Information? It must be. ‘By whom?’ ‘My mum. On her deathbed. Her very last words were about you.’ What someone says to you right before they die will come true?”

As Oscar reveals his mother’s dying prediction, Jude’s mind immediately jumps to one of the dictates in Grandma’s “Bible.” The recurrence of Grandma’s Bible throughout Jude’s chapters foreshadows the interplay of Love, Luck, and Destiny in Jude’s relationship with Oscar.

“Noah had stopped breathing. So there were these moments when I was in life without him. For the first time. Not even in the womb were we apart. Terror doesn’t come close to describing it. Fury doesn’t come close. Heartbreak, no. There is no way to describe it. He wasn’t there. He wasn’t with me anymore.”

The intensity of Jude’s emotion is heightened by the fact that Jude has also recently lost Dianna and cannot bear losing another member of the family again. Her reaction also demonstrates how deeply and inexplicably bonded she feels to her twin, regardless of their competition or separation.

“I find her and find her and find her but I can’t find her. I have to say her name three times before she hears it. […] It occurs to me with rising concern that a blow-in can also blow away.”

Noah’s observation sheds light on Dianna’s character, indicating her to be the kind of person completely given over to her heart and her passions, to the point of neglecting other things around her. His observation also foreshadows Dianna’s death as he thinks about how she is mentally detached, foretelling her physical detachment after her death.

“‘I wished for it […] Three times. Three different birthdays. I wished he would leave.’ She […] whispers back, ‘I once wished for Mom to die.’ ‘Take it back,’ I say, turning onto my side. […] ‘I didn’t take it back in time.’”

This passage serves as foreshadowing: Just as Benjamin does leave, causing Noah’s wish to come true, Jude’s errant wish is also fulfilled when Dianna dies shortly after. The twins’ confession to each other of their wishes also emphasizes the novel’s theme of Love, Luck, and Destiny as they believe their wishes have come and will come true.

“Listen to me. It takes a lot of courage to be true to yourself, true to your heart. You always have been very brave that way and I pray you always will be. It’s your responsibility, Noah. Remember that.”

Prior to her death, Dianna encourages Noah to remain true to himself after they discover their respective secret relationships. After her death, Noah goes on to suppress his true self, leading him to seek Dianna’s forgiveness for not listening sooner. Noah recklessly cliff dives to see Dianna again, reflecting his grief and desperation to change the past.

“Over and over again, day after day, all I wanted was for her to see me, to really see me. Not to forget me at the museum, like I didn’t exist, and go home without me. Not to call off a contest, certain of my failure, before she even looked at my drawings. Not to keep reaching inside me to turn down the light while at the same time reaching into Noah to turn his to full brightness.”

Jude reflects on what she had wanted from Dianna all along, as she works away at her sculpture of the twins. Jude’s experience calls into question Dianna’s part in contributing to the conflict and pain that her children experience during her lifetime, as well as beyond it.

“To awaken your spirit, throw a stone into your reflection in still water (I never believed Noah and I shared a soul, that mine was half a tree with its leaves on fire, like he said. I never felt like my soul was something that could be seen. It felt like motion, like taking off, like swimming toward the horizon or diving off a cliff or making flying women out of sand, out of anything).”

This observation on Jude’s part points to how the twins have always seen the world and their relationship differently. Being pitted against each other by their own family, circumstances, and social expectations, caused their relationship with each other as well as their own selves to suffer. It is only in separating from each other to form their own identities that they find salvation, and this is symbolized by Jude sawing her statue of the twins in half.

“‘When my mom died…I don’t know, I got scared. Of pretty much everything.’

He nods like he gets it, says, ‘It’s like a hand at your throat all the time, isn’t it? Nothing’s inevitable anymore. Not the next heartbeat, not anything.’"

Oscar’s response perfectly captures the motivation and reasoning behind Jude’s obsession with the “Bible”—the sudden feeling of unpredictability in Jude’s life had to be combatted by compulsive rituals that would predictably ward off death and disease. Jude experiences growth in this moment as she relates with Oscar, an individual outside of her immediate family, about Dianna’s death.

“But as soon as I say it out loud, I know I don’t want him to tell me. I don’t want to ever know. I see now paint has dripped all over the floor like multicolored blood. I’ve tracked it everywhere. There are handprints all over the window, the back of the couch, the curtains, lampshades.”

Noah is filled with immediate dread when he hears the police officer on the phone, asking for Dianna Sweetwine’s residence. This passage again depicts how Noah experiences the world—in times of joy and grief, he processes the events around him in terms of paint, highlighting the theme of Self-Expression in Art.

“When Noah told Dad the truth about Mom and Guillermo […], Dad simply said, ‘Okay, yes. That makes more sense.’ He didn’t burst out of granite like Noah or have oceans break inside him like I did, but I can see that the storm in his face has quelled. He’s a man of science and the unsolvable problem is solved. Things finally make sense. And sense to Dad is everything.”

Benjamin’s response to the truth about Dianna and Guillermo sheds light on his character: To him, the most important thing is for things to make sense. It is why he was constantly perplexed after Dianna’s death, as Noah told him that Dianna was rushing to reconcile with him. The revelation also helps him accept Noah’s sexuality with issue, as it just “makes sense” to Benjamin.