If You Tell: A True Story of Murder, Family Secrets, and the Unbreakable Bond of Sisterhood

Ron is dealing with loss, grief, and instability in his mid-fifties, making it all the harder for him to get back on his feet. He is estranged from his mother when she moves in with him, and he loses his beloved cats when his trailer is foreclosed upon in 1999. Tori learns from Shelly that Ron will be moving into their home just until he gets back on his feet. Shelly sets him up in Sami’s old room. Dave is still working away from home the majority of the time and does not learn that Ron has moved in until he returns home one day. Dave is unphased by Ron’s presence. His relationship with Shelly continues to disintegrate, and he wishes to find an exit to his marriage. Ron’s kind appearances and willingness to help out around the house seems like a solution to his problems.

Sami, however, is suspicious when she learns about Ron and fears a repeat of what happened to Kathy. Still, “she told herself that despite everything she knew of her mother, there was no way history could truly repeat itself” (253). When she visits home to meet Ron, he waits on Shelly hand and foot, calling her “Shelly Dear.”

Tori remembers that by the second week of his stay, things began to spiral. Shelly uses slurs, calling Ron a “useless fag.” Soon Shelly only allows Ron to eat toast and water twice a day along with a handful of pills. Shelly tells Tori that they are sleeping pills, and Tori realizes that the smart, kind man she met is slowly fading away.

Soon after Ron moves in, Shelly kicks him out of Sami’s old bedroom, stealing his belongings and forcing him to sleep on the floor of the family’s computer room. He spends most of his time doing yard work outside. Eventually, she makes him ask permission to use the bathroom with the explanation. Shelly occasionally asks Tori if she remembers Kathy at all, or if anyone has asked her about Kathy, but Tori repeatedly tells her that no one has asked.

Shelly works as a case aide at Olympia Area Agency on Aging and is written up for two incidents in 2000, concerning one client whom she told didn’t actually need her medication and another who alleged that Kathy was stealing from her. Coworkers tell management that they do not trust her and that she is vengeful, taking small slights and escalating them out of proportion.

In early 2001, not long after a poor performance review, Ron writes a glowing letter to Shelly’s supervisor about her outstanding work helping him to care for his mother. This letter does not keep her from being put on probation a few months later. Her appeals and arguments about why the probation is unfair do not move her supervisor, and her behavior grows volatile and aggressive. Her employment is terminated in June 2001.

Sandra attempts to reconnect with Ron but is repeatedly unable to reach him when she calls the house. She grows concerned and begins to push back at Shelly, insisting that Ron call her back as soon as possible. Shelly claims she doesn’t know where he is, and Sandra tells her she’ll file a missing person’s report.

Ron calls her back a day later, telling Sandra that due to mounting financial and legal issues he is hiding at the Knoteks’ house, claiming the police have a warrant out for his arrest. Sandra can hear Shelly breathing on the line. She tells Ron she will let him stay with her and help him find a job, but Ron refuses. Shelly later calls Sandra to tell her that she is making Ron’s issues worse and to leave him alone. When Sandra refuses, Shelly hangs up. Shelly makes Ron harass her former coworkers at the Olympia Area Agency on Aging, to the point where he is issued a no-contact order.

Ron’s mother, Catherine, tells other members of their family that Ron is not providing her with good care. Shelly coaches Ron on how to write a rebuttal to her allegations. Shelly tells Ron’s brother that Catherine is a mother figure to her and that she is helping to care for her. In October 2001, Ron writes an angry letter to his mother at Shelly’s behest, cutting her out of his life, and another to his ex-partner Gary. A few days later, he writes threatening letters to his siblings alleging that their mother kicked his cats and announcing that he will no longer care for their mother. He will instead move to Seattle and make a new life under a new name, which they are not allowed to share with Catherine. Having burned all bridges with his friends and family, all Ron has left is Shelly.

Lara, now retired and living in Oregon, has little contact with Shelly now. She remains close with Nikki, who confides in her that she is considering moving to Oregon to look for work, as well as Sami, who is doing well in college. Nikki finds herself struck by a crime show she watches on TV while she is with Lara. She had long dreamed of a career in law enforcement and criminal justice. Lara recalls Nikki growing quiet while watching the show. The next day, Nikki tells her that Shelly and Dave killed Kathy.

Lara tells Nikki that they need to inform the police, contacting the Pacific County sheriff’s deputy Jim Bergstrom. They fax him a three-page document detailing what Nikki knows and saw.

Nikki knows disclosing this information to Lara and the authorities is the right thing to do but fears what might happen next. She finds the courage to tell her boyfriend, Chad, who encourages her to go to the authorities and tell them in person. They drive to Raymond the next day despite Nikki’s apprehension. Strangely, Chad receives a call from Shelly as they drive inviting Nikki to a trip to Disneyland, as if the two were not estranged from one another. Terrified, Nikki agrees to the trip, unsure of what her mother knows.

Nikki calls Sami to tell her what happened and finally admit what she long suspected to be true: that Shelly most likely murdered Shane. Sami, having long accepted Shelly’s cover-up story about Shane, isn’t sure what to believe but admits her behavior around his disappearance was deeply suspicious. Nikki tells Jim Bergstrom in person about her mother’s actions, but nothing happened afterwards. Shelly is not investigated or even questioned. Chad and Nikki break up soon after she divulges their family’s secret.

Bergstrom does, in fact, try to corroborate Nikki’s story by contacting Sami, who is not ready to talk. Sami spills to Kaley that Shelly murdered Kathy while they are both tipsy, and he runs away. She eventually finds him and tells him the entire truth, but she feels as though her past is “a huge, ugly mark against her” (280).

One day, Shelly wonders aloud to Sami whether Nikki has ever told anyone about Kathy. Sami does not tell her that Nikki and Lara have already gone to the police but instead asks her mother why she won’t just go and tell the police herself so the secret won’t hang over them any longer and Kathy’s family can find peace. Shelly doubles down, telling Sami she will ruin Tori’s life and repeating the same lie she has told so many times: that Kathy committed suicide.

Shelly’s number-one tactic is isolating and segregating people from their support systems to better manipulate them. She keeps Tori from her sisters when possible and withholds food from her. Shelly uses a variety of punishments on Tori, making her feel powerless, before showering her with love and positive attention. When Sami asks Tori if everything is okay at home, Tori, terrified, tells her everything is fine. Tori still has no contact with Nikki; Sami is the only person in the family who is still in touch with her.

Shelly continues to drive a wedge between Ron and his family, lying to them about her health and medical treatments. She tells them she has fixed up Catherine’s sad house and bought her a TV, and that Ron can pay the rent on his trailer but is choosing not to. Catherine calls her children at first asking to move to Michigan to be closer to them, then rescinds her request. Shelly complains to Ron’s siblings about him, lying about his behavior and actions towards their mother.

One day while Sami is home, a deputy sheriff arrives at the house. Sami is panicked that he is there to arrest Shelly regarding Kathy’s death, but Shelly assures her they are merely delivering papers for Ron. Sami breaks down in tears, telling her mother the toll her secret has had on her. Shelly swears that if anyone ever finds out about Kathy, she and Dave will kill themselves. She then tells Sami that she wants Ron to move out but that he refuses to leave, begging Shelly to let him stay.

Tori, 12 years old, now has a concrete understanding of what her mother is doing to Ron. She takes away his clothes, forcing him to work outside in his underwear for 12-plus hours per day and telling him he does not “deserve” to wear clothes. Tori is saddened to see Ron treated so poorly. Her attempts to stand up to Shelly for him end with Shelly forcing him to tell Tori he no longer loves her. She also forces Ron and Tori to be separate when she can’t supervise their interactions.

Shelly often shows up to Sami’s college for visits unannounced with Ron in tow. Both Sami and Kaley notice that Ron’s physical health is in decline. Meanwhile, Nikki learns about Ron living at the house and leaves a voicemail for her mother telling her to get him out “before history repeats itself” (294). Dave later says he also suspected that something was wrong with Shelly’s treatment of Ron, noticing each weekend that Ron looked weaker than the last time he’d seen him.

Eventually, Ron runs away. Shelly brings Tori along to look for him, but when Tori questions why they are chasing after him when Shelly often says she wants him to leave, Shelly tells her he might show people the physical evidence of her abuse. Shocked, Tori is unsure what to say. When they find Ron, he gets in the car without a struggle and promises never to run away again. The few attempts Ron makes to run away always end quickly because thanks to Shelly, he has nowhere else to go.

Ron’s presence alleviates some of the pressure on Tori, but her mother still abuses and punishes her in a myriad of ways. When Tori leaves an axe outside overnight, Shelly forces her to put the axe down her pants while she does her chores; Shelly dusts Tori’s underwear with Gold Bond powder and violates Tori by putting antibacterial powder on her labia, burning her genitals; Tori even finds the family’s trash in her bed. While Tori is not subjected to wallowing, she does endure outdoor showers using a pressure washer.

Ron learns that he must always be on high alert anytime Shelly calls him. Shelly says that this fear keeps him alert. Shelly starts telling Tori in front of Ron that he fathered a child while serving in Vietnam, but that the baby died: “Probably the best thing for the baby, I think. Who’d want Ron as a dad anyway?” (301). When Tori tries to stick up for Ron, Shelly tells her he is a bad person. She insults him for being fat, gay, and homeless.