If Only I Had Told Her

Jack is the narrator and protagonist of Part 2. He has been Finn’s best friend since the beginning of middle school when Finn and Autumn’s friendship dwindled. In some ways, Jack is a foil for Autumn. He was there for Finn through middle and high school, replacing the friendship that Autumn and Finn had. Jack is the last son out of seven, and his parents are tired of both each other and parenthood. Both Jack and Finn played soccer in high school, and although Finn made varsity when Jack did not, Jack was supportive, showing that Jack is loyal, selfless, and a good friend. Jack has been similarly supportive of Finn in his relationship with Autumn, urging him repeatedly to tell Autumn his feelings.

Jack learns of his best friend’s death at the beginning of Part 2, and his pain and grief propel the ensuing narrative forward. Jack’s primary conflict surrounds the unfairness of his best friend dying so young and in a preventable accident; he obsesses, for example, over how someone as safety-conscious as Finn could have died in a car accident, blaming Sylvie and Autumn at different times. Jack goes through many of the stages of grief, including denial, anger, depression, and eventually acceptance.

Through much of the narrative, Jack pushes others away. When his parents ask how he is, he deflects the question and does whatever he can to keep them from worrying. For instance, he begins running again when his brother mentions that his parents are worried about him giving it up. In some ways, this external pressure is effective because it is while running that he realizes that he must accept Finn’s death. Thanks to this realization, he begins to make new connections, the most helpful of which is his roommate, Brett, who has been battling his own trauma. Brett is empathetic and understanding: He acknowledges Jack’s pain and recognizes the messy emotions that Jack is feeling, and he provides Jack with a friend who understands his situation. While Brett cannot replace Finn, Brett can be a meaningful new connection, and Jack’s recognition of this testifies to his character growth.

Jack’s arc also illustrates The Transformative Power of Understanding and Forgiveness. In the last chapter he narrates, he gives Autumn the sack of candy that Finn bought her, acknowledging the depth of her love for Finn and letting go of his misplaced anger toward her. In its place, Jack can now feel a deep connection with her based on their shared love for Finn.

Autumn is the narrator and protagonist of Part 3 and Finn’s romantic interest throughout Part 1. Autumn is a talented writer who is uninterested in what others think of her. She is described as beautiful, with brown hair and brown eyes. Her parents have recently divorced, but she continues to live next door to Finn and his mother—the place where she grew up. Like Finn’s father, hers is largely absent; his job takes him to Japan shortly after Finn dies, but he is never particularly present. However, Autumn’s mother, Claire, and Claire’s best friend, Angelina, are very present and supportive.

Autumn has depression, which worsened when she found out her high school boyfriend, Jamie, was cheating on her with a mutual friend. Finn is supportive of her, and they spend time together often throughout the summer after their graduation, while Finn’s girlfriend, Sylvie, is in Europe. However, Autumn expresses her feelings primarily in her writing, so it is only when Finn reads her recently completed novel that he figures out that she might also have feelings for him. She loses even the outlet of writing after Finn dies, as the activity is too closely associated with his memory for Autumn to bear. Autumn eventually attempts to die by suicide, and it is while she is in the hospital that she learns she is pregnant with Finn’s baby, which persuades her to live.

Autumn’s growth happens when she makes connections, gets help for her depression, and strengthens her support network, all of which eventually persuade her to live for more than just her unborn baby. Her Loss of Identity Leads to Growth, and she finds a way to integrate her loss of Finn with hope for the future.

Sylvie is a secondary character who looms large over Part 1 because Finn is acutely aware that he must break up with Sylvie to be with Autumn. This frames her as an antagonist, but she never neatly fits into that category. Finn is conflicted regarding Sylvie because he is still very attracted to many of Sylvie’s traits, which make her a foil to Autumn. Sylvie is described as intelligent, self-assured, ambitious, and in control, while Autumn is artistic, disorganized, and more emotional.

In middle school, Sylvie was manipulated by an adult tutor who attempted to sexually assault her, but she is never portrayed as a victim. Her need for control suggests the lingering impact of her trauma, as does the fact that she does not want to have sex with Finn unless she is drunk. In other ways, however, she harnesses the experience to squeeze more from life. This causes friction with Finn, who often has to take care of her when she does something outlandish, but she pushes back against his judgment. At her therapist’s encouragement, she takes a graduation trip to Europe to practice independence and self-sufficiency.

Though Finn cheated on her with Autumn, Sylvie does not remain angry at Autumn for very long. Just after Finn’s death, Sylvie is resentful and seems surprised when Autumn does not come to the funeral. However, this resentfulness disappears after Autumn’s suicide attempt, and Sylvie is the one who calls Jack and encourages him to visit Autumn in the hospital. After learning of Autumn’s pregnancy, Sylvie even sends well wishes to Autumn through her friend. Sylvie shows grace and tactfulness many times in the novel, and Finn’s early musing that Autumn and Sylvie could become friends seems possible as the novel ends, particularly now that Jack and Sylvie have begun a relationship.

Claire and Angelina are secondary characters whom Finn and Autumn affectionately call “The Mothers.” They are best friends who had Finn and Autumn only one week apart and became next-door neighbors when Finn and Autumn were infants. The pair are different in some ways; for example, Claire has a perfectly decorated house and prefers name-brand clothes and items, while Angelina buys things secondhand and does not believe in consumerism. Nevertheless, both Claire and Angelina are shown to be responsive, present, and affectionate mothers to not only their own children but also the child of their best friend.

Another similarity between Claire and Angelina is their loyalty to and support of each other. When the novel opens, Angelina and Claire are on a wine weekend because Claire has just divorced her husband. When Angelina loses her son, Claire is by her side through the aftermath. Their friendship is the bedrock of both women’s lives, and they gain strength from each other.

When Autumn struggles during her pregnancy, Claire and Angelina are both present for the ups and downs. They try to provide the support she needs while not pushing their parenting styles and beliefs onto her. Their only source of true conflict is Claire’s choice not to tell Autumn where the money for her baby is coming from, but shortly after it comes to light that the money is from John, both Angelina and Autumn forgive Claire.