I Kissed Shara Wheeler

At Georgia’s parents’ bookstore, Belltower Books, Chloe recalls that Georgia had seen Shara visit the bookstore to buy Jane Austen’s Emma. She realizes that Shara may have left a note inside one of the Jane Austen books. Chloe checks the books and finds a note in a copy of Mansfield Park. In the note addressed to Chloe, Shara details the many ways she has thought about Chloe, including how she could ruin her “perfect record” or how she could make her fall in love with her. She then confesses that she is unsure whether she “belong[s] here” (167). Chloe regards the letter as proof that Shara always viewed Chloe as competition. Chloe also interprets the letter as proof that she and Shara are equals. She then realizes that Shara has included references to everything Chloe loves, and she suspects that Shara may be in love with her.

Chloe opens the Google document she created and finds that Shara is active in it and that the last edit had been made seconds ago. However, she doesn’t see any text. She then highlights everything on the page and finds that Shara wrote in the document using white text. Shara types that there are “a million more interesting questions” Chloe could ask and then asks her what she’s thinking about (172). Chloe and Shara continue the brief conversation until Shara asks her what was the last letter she found. When Chloe reveals it was the one left at Belltower, Shara exits the document. The interchapter reveals a brief note Chloe wrote to Shara in which she comments that Shara’s written analysis of the green light in The Great Gatsby “sounded kind of personal” (174).

Chloe attends the senior theater party with Smith, Ace, Ash, Benjy, and Georgia. Chloe finds that while the other theater kids seem to judge Ace and Smith for attending the party, Chloe is inclined to defend the football jocks whom she has grown to like. During the party, Chloe has the Google document open on her phone, and she and Shara continue the conversation. Meanwhile, Ace dons “a full contour and green eyeshadow” (183) while Smith watches Ash apply Ace’s eye makeup. Smith then asks Ash if they could do his makeup as well even though he wasn’t in theater. While Ash applies his makeup, Smith asks Ash to explain “the whole nonbinary thing” (184). Ash reveals that when their TikTok about weird earrings went viral, everyone in school saw their pronouns from the biography.

Smith reveals that Smith is his middle name and that William, his actual first name, doesn’t feel right. Ash compares Smith’s feelings about the two names to their feeling about gender and explains that they didn’t quite feel like a girl or a boy; if someone were to refer to them as either a boy or a girl, it wouldn’t feel right. Smith explains that he feels similarly. When Ash asks Smith whether he sometimes doesn’t want to be a guy, Smith responds, “Does it matter? I’d have to be a guy no matter what” (187). Ash suggests that Smith think about whether he feels like being a guy is an obligation.

In a photo Smith finds on the back of Brooklyn’s (the class president’s) camera, Shara holds a card from the board game SORRY that instructs the player to send an opponent back to the starting space on the board. Chloe thinks about what “back to start” must mean and realizes that it refers to her kiss with Shara (190). She checks the elevator where they kissed and finds that on the second floor, behind the inner doors is a heart painted with pink nail polish and inside of it the words “I already told you” (192).

After the theater party, Chloe, Smith, and Rory get snacks at a gas station and hang out on the hood of Rory’s car. They talk about their favorite smells and least favorite smells. While Smith steps away to look at a frog, Rory admits that maybe his feelings were misdirected toward Shara. He says, “Maybe I talked myself into her, because when I looked at her and Smith together, I was so jealous, and she seemed like the right place to put it” (199). Chloe admonishes Rory, stating that Shara is not a place or an idea but a person. Rory responds that an idea can’t want you back, and he is starting to believe that perhaps that was the reason for his fixation on her: the idea of her was impossible to obtain. Chloe remembers when Ace pointed out that in the song “Mr. Brightside,” the speaker “never says which one he’s jealous of” (199). Chloe realizes that Rory has feelings for Smith, and Rory confirms her suspicion. In the interchapter, Smith reveals in a personal essay that he has loved Rory since he was 13.

Chloe realizes she forgot to write her part of the French essay she and Georgia had been working on. Georgia is upset with Chloe, not because of the French essay, but because Chloe has been blowing her off for Smith and Rory. Georgia then reveals that she no longer intends to attend New York University due to her family’s financial issues and will instead attend Auburn so she can continue to work at the family bookstore.

Chloe touches base with Smith and Rory about the mystery of where Shara is hiding, and Smith and Rory agree that they’ve reached a dead end and there’s nothing left to do. Chloe, however, refuses to give up. She finally tells Georgia about recent activities with Smith and Rory. Georgia is upset to hear that Chloe used the library key she lent her to break into Principal Wheeler’s office because it could have gotten Georgia suspended. The two friends leave on bad terms.

Chloe recalls that, in detention, she had watched Shara drop her diamond crucifix necklace in the wastebasket, and Chloe had fished it out and kept it. Ten minutes later Shara returned to the wastebasket to look for it and could not find it. Chloe then remembers Shara’s hint that “The key is there, where I am” (217). Chloe realizes that Shara is where she was in the photograph where the key was hidden in Principal Wheeler’s office: Anchor Bay Marina.