How To Talk To Anyone

“Echoing” comprises mirroring another person’s choice of language to create familiarity. The technique involves listening to specific words and repeating these words in one’s own conversation. This builds subliminal rapport, making people feel like one shares their experiences and values. When one interacts with people from different professions, using their jargon (whether regional dialects, job-related terms, or hobby-related terms) helps build trust. Echoing is not only an effective sales tactic but “politically correct insurance” (180), helping one exhibit sensitivity in various social and professional contexts.

When addressing an audience, effective communication goes beyond conveying information—it’s about resonating with the audience’s perspective. “Potent Imaging” is a technique that involves using analogies and references with this perspective in mind. For example, if someone is a gardener, talking about “sowing the seeds for success” will likely resonate. Using targeted analogies aids understanding and subtly suggests a shared interest.

The use of vocalizations while listening to someone is often understood as a sign of inattention rather than true understanding. To truly connect with someone and show understanding, one should use “full-blown empathizers” instead of generic affirmations. Empathizers are complete sentences that validate a speaker’s message. They not only make one appear articulate but assure the speaker that their message is being received and understood. To employ this approach effectively, one must actually listen to the speaker.

Effective communication involves resonating with a speaker’s dominant sensory perception—be it visual, auditory, or kinesthetic. This concept draws from neurolinguistic programming (NLP), which suggests that people have one sense that is stronger than the others. For example, tap dancer Brenda “sees” the world more through her ears than her eyes. If speaking to someone like Brenda, using auditory phrases (“That sounds great”) would be fitting.

The dynamics of conversation can be divided into four levels that indicate closeness between individuals. The first level involves clichés, often used between strangers; the second level involves facts, often shared between acquaintances; the third level involves feelings and personal questions, often shared between friends; and the fourth level involves the usage of “we” and “us,” indicating an intimate relationship. Thus, the “Premature We” accelerates a relationship to the third or fourth level, fostering intimacy with strangers.

To foster intimacy, one can create a “Private Joke” or “Instant History”—encapsulating a shared moment in a word or phrase. For example, instead of saying “Hello,” two friends may greet each other with “Quack,” recalling a meeting involving a duck. This history, no matter how short-lived, solidifies relationships.