How Not to Drown in a Glass of Water

“But now Antonia spits on her mother. That’s what therapists make you do. They make you spit on your mother.”

Cara’s dislike of the American norm of therapy and her belief that it undermines family connections both reflect her Dominican upbringing, which supports a very different approach to dealing with trauma. Cara’s belief that therapy encourages children to blame their mothers for their problems reveals her own inner conflict. She refuses to take responsibility for her estrangement with her son Fernando out of fear of undermining her identity as a good mother.

“Desahogar: to undrown, to cry until you don’t need to cry no more… When Ángela saw me cry, my sister said, You’re drowning in a glass of water.”

Ángela implies that Cara’s reaction to Fernando’s decision to run away is more intense than the situation warrants. This declaration further fuels Cara’s resentment of Ángela, who enjoyed a closer relationship with Fernando before he left. Mutual resentment drives the conflict between the sisters throughout the novel.

“When you need each other to survive, you forgive. That’s the way it is.”

For Cara, anger is something that comes and goes like weather, but for Fernando and Ángela, who are both victims of Cara’s unresolved anger and fear, forgiveness does not come so easily. Cara’s capacity to forgive is a great strength that enables her to take care of her loved ones, but it also blinds her to her own growing resentments and her role in pushing both Fernando and Ángela away.

“To be a mother is to suffer. You try and try with the children and they step on shit anyway.”

Cara resentfully refers to her son Fernando, whom she believes abandoned her because he does not see the benefits of her authoritarian parenting. Ironically, the comment can also be applied to Cara herself, for instead of following her father’s plan to study in the capital, Cara married the abusive Ricardo, and ultimately had to flee to America to prevent him from killing her.

“Ay, I get nervous because very easily, after working so hard, you can be with nothing.”

Cara works hard and still has no guarantee for a secure future as a jobless immigrant during the Great Recession. When her neighbor Tita is evicted for a lease violation, Cara struggles to maintain hope in Obama and the American Dream, and this pervasive sense of uncertainty drives many of her fears and resentments.

“Listen, I know Rafa is no good. I know Lulú is correct. The only way he will change is if he sleeps on the streets. But, I’m sorry, I am not so strong to see him live like he doesn’t have family.”

Cara’s greatest strength is her willingness to overlook others’ flaws in order to support family. Her willingness to help her brother Rafa and to send money to her mother in the Dominican Republic despite past abuses reveals The Importance of Familial and Community Support in extended immigrant communities. This dynamic also hints that Cara will find a way to accept Fernando as he is despite her personal and cultural biases against his sexual orientation.

“This new super is a friend of nobody. I think the management pays him a bonus every time one of us moves out.”

Despite her gratitude toward Obama and the opportunities that she has found in America, Cara understands that her hope and belief in the American Dream are both in the hands of bureaucratic policies and economic processes. Her fate hangs on the actions of people in power who do not belong to her community but exert power over it, nonetheless.

“I’m accustomed to men sitting in my kitchen and talking. José visits. Hernán visits. My brother Rafa visits. They visit to escape the world, you know?”

Cara’s identity is shaped by her relationship with others and the services that she provides for them. To survive and make a better life for her family members, she sacrifices her own desires and her sense of self, and this dynamic leads her to hold a great deal of simmering and unresolved anger. Although she claims to be content, believing that her own identity resides in her dual roles as a mother and a caretaker undermines the complexities of her identity and contributes to her resentment.

“The stars are working for you! I believe you could see thousands of dollars during this time.”

The ongoing letters from Alicia the Psychic play on the idea of hope in the American Dream. Despite the economic hardship and the inner trauma and turmoil that Cara faces, Alicia’s advice is steady. Like the American Dream, it is unclear whether the messages from Alicia are genuine or a scam, but Cara derives a sense of hope from the woman’s words.

“Because the community needs someone like me to pay attention for the danger. Everybody cannot be calm. To be calm is a luxury!”

Cara’s identity as the eldest child and as the first person in the family to immigrate to America establishes her as the community caretaker. Her life is also designed to reveal relationship patterns that extend throughout many different immigrant families. When she allows this caretaking role to become her sole identity, she becomes resentful, as this approach denies the complexity of her personality, experiences, and desires. She unknowingly ridicules Ángela and others with comments like this one, implying that they are indulgent and ungrateful, and she does not see how profoundly her words damage her closest relationships.

“I learned the difficult way that you have to be gentle with your children, or you can lose them forever.”

Through her storytelling sessions, Cara inadvertently confronts her past and realizes that she has made several significant mistakes and has damaged her relationship with her son. By admitting that her own actions fueled her son’s desire to leave, she takes a crucial step toward resolving old traumas and forging a new connection with her estranged son.

“Anyway, I try not to think about the past because what can we do about it? We all commit errors, but Ángela is not fair to me.”

After Cara harshly disciplines Ángela’s son Julio for misbehaving, Cara struggles to convey the pain she feels at Ángela’s comparison of her to their mother. Her comments here demonstrate her effort to maintain her self-image as a supportive family member. Cara avoids the past because she fears she will have to take responsibility for her extreme actions and this will undermine her identity as a good mother. Though it is more comfortable to believe that Ángela is being unfair, preserving her self-identity will not solve her problems.

“Cara, do this mandado for me. Cara, Cara, Cara. But who will take care of me? Not even my mother, my own mother, took care of me.”

Cara finally reveals how her own lack of care in her upbringing has shaped her complex identity. Her own lack of maternal care leads to her single-minded pursuit in the role of caregiver, and her perfectionistic desire to conform to this fixed role leads to her unwillingness to acknowledge her faults and apologize when she causes harm.

“I was a good mother. I did everything I knew. But…but…I regret…How do I say? I never asked Fernando about his life.”

Cara lets go of her perfectionism only when she can finally consider herself a good mother while still acknowledging her mistakes. She has made a better life possible for her family by bringing Fernando to the US, but the strain of adapting to another country’s way of life combines with the tenuousness of her status in the US and indicates that she has overlooked other ways of caring for a person. Now, she regrets allowing her fears to influence her parenting style.

“You know what I regret? I didn’t defend Fernando that day with Mamá. Ricardo was an animal. But Mamá, the way she talked to us—I am too humiliated to repeat.”

Cara regrets that her prejudices about Fernando’s sexual orientation led her to allow her own mother to abuse him. As when her mother beat Ángela in front of her years ago, she realizes that her inaction has harmed her relationship with Fernando. She also comes to understand that her own trauma has more power over her actions than she realized, and she regrets that she was not stronger in those key moments. This breakthrough allows her to make better choices with Ángela and her children.

“Do better. Do better. I work more than every other person I know. I do best. More best than best.”

Although Cara is referring to Ángela’s advice after Fernando left, the comment can also apply to her job situation, where employers want an idealized worker rather than one who has a complex identity and multiple obligations. After working her hardest and best both for Fernando and in the factory, she now finds herself without a job and without her son. Ángela’s advice to “do better” when she has already done her best leads to her uncertainty regarding her identity and the American Dream.

“Cara, you were relentless with him. Because I loved him! You have to learn another way to love, she said. You have to.”

Cara is a survivor, but she is controlling and intolerant of anything she considers weak. As she recounts her conversation with Ángela, she must change her nagging and negativity or risk losing those closest to her. Ángela’s insistence on this point helps Cara to learn from her past mistakes and make better choices.

“We the people. Who are these people? It’s not me. It’s not you. The day we become inconvenient, this government will find a way to throw us out.”

Though Cara studies to become an American citizen, she is ambivalent, believing that her papers will mean nothing in a country that reduces the complexity of immigrant identities to stereotypes. Still, she acknowledges that in the meantime, there will be some benefits to becoming a citizen. This shows that hope in the American Dream is still possible for Cara despite her recent negative experiences.

“That they prove their value after la menopausia. Because not having to make babies makes them focus on taking care of the community. Which tells me women of a certain age are more valuable to the community.”

Cara identifies with postmenopausal orcas in a documentary because of their vital contributions to the pod and rejects stereotypes that postmenopausal women have little to contribute. Despite prevailing attitudes toward immigrants and the elderly in America, Cara’s caretaking proves that immigrant community structures are both an important support system and a vital contribution to the American Dream.

“So, yes, I was a good mother to Fernando, but I can now see that I was also this mother in the dream, young, afraid, alone, falling asleep near the tracks of the train.”

In a symbolic dream, Cara rescues her younger self and her child, who have fallen asleep near the train tracks. Her character growth and wisdom help her to find the self-compassion she needs to maintain hope and move forward. Cara finds balance by acknowledging her strengths and weaknesses and using her newfound knowledge to make positive changes in her life.

“I know, I am not just lucky. You are good to remind me of this. I work hard all the time.”

Throughout their sessions, Cara sings her own praises to deflect from her flaws and minimize her problems, but underneath this, she doubts her own worth. She clings to Alicia the Psychic’s advice and to the power of dreams in order to avoid responsibility for her situation and explain things beyond her control. By accepting her caseworker’s assessment that her recent good fortune is both luck and a sign that her hard work, she realizes that her self-identity has changed for the better.

“Although Ms. Romero has been unemployed for over two years, she has worked as a caretaker and support system for the elderly, children of various ages, and persons with disabilities, all who live in her building. My assessment is that Ms. Romero has performed a significant amount of unpaid labor for community members.”

This is the only instance of the caseworker passing judgement on Cara’s character, and it illustrates the ways in which community and personal connections create solidarity and vital systems of support. By rejecting the formal markers of success that she teaches through her program, Lissette sees Cara’s true worth. Because she is willing to advocate for Cara through the bureaucratic systems that historically disadvantage immigrants, her action shows that there is a glimmer of hope in the American Dream. However, because the official response to this appeal remains unknown, Angie Cruz reveals that for many, prosperity remains an uncertain prospect.

“Talking reminds me that no matter how difficult my life is, I have always found a solution to my problems. When I think about this, I am not afraid.”

With Cara’s belief that talking about her problems and life has helped her, she demonstrates a distinct shift in opinion, for this attitude contrasts with her initial distrust in therapy and her belief that Ángela’s desire to talk about the past is pointless. By talking through her life, troubles, and trauma, Cara regains hope in herself and realizes that she will find a way forward because she always has.