Home Is Not a Country

Via the bathtub, water again symbolizes solace and clarity for Nima. Although she fights returning to the present through the portal because she longs to know more about her family’s past, Nima must come back to the current day: “the gap in this world is pulling me toward it / like a current    inside it the bathtub has begun / to overflow” (193). The pull and current indicate that she cannot fight the portal, which connotes that Nima has already learned what she needs. Furthermore, her return through the water indicates that her new knowledge and lessons provide her clarity to embrace her life in the United States. When Nima arrives in her bathroom, “in a rush / of warm air the portal deposits [her]    feetfirst & fully clothed / into the bathtub    splashing water over the sides” (195). Her entrance is like a difficult birth, as if she is reborn as a new person because of the hard truths she discovered during her time travel. Emerging feet first implies that the clarity she has gained will allow her to survive and take her life in stride because she will literally and figuratively land on her feet. Then, when Nima steps out of the tub dripping wet, she embraces her mother with love and gratitude in a poem titled “Home.” Finally, she understands that she has had everything she needs and a true home all along, realizations she acquired in her journey through water.

The motif of photographs and its development of the theme of The Struggle to Belong Within the Diaspora comes full circle. As Nima travels through the portal to the present day, she sees photographs of her family and life she has never seen before. Some pictures are new while others “have been there all along” (197), yet Nima has not noticed them because she has always been so focused on her father. These images depict a happy life with her mother in America, yet they also highlight the joys of her homeland and culture, like her mother’s dance studio. The combination shows that Nima has found belonging through acculturation, and adapting to life in the United States while still retaining her family’s culture from the Sudan. Furthermore, the structure of the poem titled “The Photographs” presents one-line stanzas which create clarity because each line stands alone. This simplicity makes it easier for her to see the details of the photographs and her life that envelop her with a sense of belonging. In addition to the motif of the photographs, the theme of belonging within the diaspora is also underscored through food. One morning, her mother insists that Nima take pita, feta, tomato, and fuul (fava beans) for lunch. Instead of rejecting the idea, Nima feels “a dread / [she] hadn’t realized [she] was carrying    dissolve as [she] imagine[s] / [herself] eating a lunch that doesn’t make [her] want / to cry” (203). Nima realizes that her mother’s food provides comfort and is a part of who she is. Instead of turning away from that comfort, she gravitates toward it. This also shows that Nima has overcome The Impact of Racism on Identity Development, learning not to let others’ prejudices against her control what she eats or how she expresses herself. Both photographs and food emphasize that Nima has found belonging within her culture despite the challenges of being the daughter of an immigrant.

Another theme, Home as a Feeling Not a Place, is fully realized in Nima’s return. In “Home” when Nima emerges from the portal and embraces her mother, she says, “you’re all i need    you’re all of it” (196). By declaring that her mother is the only thing she needs, Nima recognizes that Aisha is her comfort and support. This declaration, along with the title of the poem, indicates that Nima finally understands that home is not a location, like the United States or Sudan, but rather, a feeling. The feeling of home is the love and belonging and comfort that her mother provides.

Finally, Nima’s return is punctuated with the color yellow, symbolizing vivacity and happiness. In the photographs in Nima’s apartment there

is a new one of my mother    here in America

in full color at some recent party    yellow dress

swirling bright around her     head thrown back

her mouth open midlaugh or midlyric

arms stretched above her head

as if in victory    aisha    bright & full of living (198).

With the past altered, Aisha has found happiness in her new country, notable in this current photograph of a party in America. The previous images of a happy Aisha only existed before she immigrated to the United States, but this one illustrates her vivacity recently. This happiness is punctuated by the full color and specifically the yellow dress. The victory is in her joy. Furthermore, the final poem shows that Nima, too, has embraced her life with open arms, putting on the yellow dress. Previously, Nima would only sneak around in it, signifying her desire to be happy and live vivaciously; now, in claiming the dress as hers, Nima does not just dream of a happy life but embraces the one she already has. The yellow dress represents joy, and it also points to Nima’s acceptance of it in her life.