Heartstopper: Volume One

“Erm… aren’t I a bit small and weak for rugby?”

Much like the way Tao Xu stereotypes Nick, Charlie stereotypes himself, believing he is not built to play rugby. Other players on the team seem to agree with this idea, questioning Nick for inviting him on the team. When Charlie actually does well, they are all surprised except for Nick. Unlike Charlie and others around him, Nick believes in Charlie and knows that he can succeed with some support and a good friend. This quote also shows Charlie’s insecurity, despite exceling at most things he tries.

“Does he actually like sports? Everyone knows he’s gay.”

Another stereotype that surfaces repeatedly in Heartstopper is peoples’ ideas about what it means to be gay or what a gay person might look or act like. The boys on the rugby team assume Charlie will not be interested in sports because he is gay, and they also assume he will not be good at rugby. Nick does not buy into these stereotypes, but everyone around him does. Even Charlie falls victim to feeling this way about himself.

“I hope you’re prepared for me to be absolute crap.”

“You might be better than me, for all we know!”

Charlie does not see himself as being very good at anything or very likeable. His self-esteem is low. Nick is the opposite. He is confident and knows what he is good at. Nick’s confidence and kindness are what help Charlie to gain self-worth and see himself as being not only good, but great. Charlie excels in school, at rugby, and in making friends, and Nick sees all of this in him. Nick appreciates Charlie for who he is and wants Charlie to see in himself what Nick sees. With each interaction, Nick provides these tiny nuggets of hope for Charlie that keep him wanting to learn.

“Mate, I don’t think being gay makes you bad at sports.”

Nick does not subscribe to the common stereotypes about being gay that his peers believe. They are surprised to see Charlie doing well in rugby and remark on numerous occasions that Charlie is gay. Nick is confident and sure of himself, and he also really likes Charlie, so he takes this opportunity to correct his friend and point out the flaw in his logic. Stereotyping is prominent throughout Heartstopper and together Nick and Charlie overcome it.

“All of the older boys kinda remind me of the people who used to bully me.”

In the previous year, Charlie was bullied after he came out as gay. He openly expresses how he feels about being around the players on the rugby team. He is excelling at the game, and nobody is rude to his face, but he can sense the other boys are slightly disturbed by his presence. They also talk about him behind his back, commenting on how he is gay, skinny, and how surprised they are that he is actually doing well at a sport. Nick tries to combat this on Charlie’s behalf, which Charlie appreciates, but it does not stop the other boys from viewing Charlie as different.

“Why would I be scared? Everyone in the school already knows I’m gay! YOU’RE the one who’s scared of getting caught! You’re not even my boyfriend! I’ve seen you with your girlfriend at the school gate!! You don’t give a SHIT about me. You just found the nearest guy who was willing to make out with you and went for it!”

After Charlie tells Ben he does not want to see him anymore, Ben begs Charlie to meet up and talk. Charlie reluctantly agrees, and when he gets there Ben starts accusing Charlie of being afraid of being caught and actually wanting to be with Ben. Charlie argues and defends himself, accusing Ben of using him and having a girlfriend to avoid being found out as gay. Charlie is already out at school and has been through the process; he knows it is Ben who fears coming out because he has been through it before. However, Ben reacts to his own confusion by abusing and assaulting Charlie, which only stops when Nick intervenes.

“I just wanted to make sure everything was okay.”

Nick is often looking out for Charlie. He always has Charlie’s back and protects him whenever he can. When people speak badly of Charlie, Nick defends him. When Nick finds Charlie being assaulted by Ben, he pushes Ben away and yells at him to get off. Nick shows his concern again when he texts Charlie later that night to see if he is alright. Charlie appreciates it, and Nick’s protective actions only endear Charlie closer to him.

“I mean, this is an all-boys school! What did he expect?”

Nick looks back on 10 months ago when Charlie first came out as gay. He wan bullied both to his face and behind his back. People called him all kinds of slurs and said he was gross. People stayed away from him. What stands out to Nick the most though is this comment from one boy. This means people see it as acceptable and simply to be expected that Charlie would be bullied for being gay. It implies that it is understandable for the other boys to be uncomfortable.

“We just continued to meet up sometimes at school before class. And like… I was so excited about it, I thought I had a boyfriend, or, like, I was having some big romance… But I slowly started to realize he was just using me for someone to make out with… because I was the only gay boy he knew.”

Charlie fully opens up to Nick about his experiences with Ben and bullying at school for the first time. Nick assures Charlie that he is his friend and cares about him, which gives Charlie the sense that he can trust Nick. As Charlie is growing up and learning about relationships, he finds himself in a situation where he is being used by Ben and not aware of it. However, he wises up to Ben’s manipulation and the fact that he is being used. Nick is very understanding and does not judge Charlie when he tells him this.

“I love talking to you. I’m so glad we’re friends. Not a problem [smiley emoji] <3.”

When Nick interacts with Charlie, he feels much more than he says. Often he will type in messages and delete them, feeling insecure and unsure of how to proceed with his relationship with Charlie. In this instance, Nick types out three different messages before deciding to send the third. He wants to tell Charlie how much he enjoys talking to him and being his friend, but he is still confused about what his feelings for Charlie actually mean. Nick has never had romantic feelings for a boy before, and it takes him some time to figure everything out.

“Just look at him. He’s as straight as they come.”

Much like the rugby boys stereotype Charlie for being gay, Tao Xu stereotypes Nick and assumes he is straight. Because Nick plays rugby, hangs out with athletic types, and is muscular and tall, Tao Xu automatically assumes he must be straight. He repeatedly tries to convince Charlie of this even though Charlie knows Nick much better than he does. Every time Charlie and Tao Xu interact, it just seems to frustrate Charlie.

“Let’s see, you’re good at video games, sports, math, essays, making friends, playing the drums…”

Nick openly expresses his admiration for Charlie and all the things Charlie excels at. Charlie is humble and shy and dislikes having attention drawn to him or compliments being made about him. He is used to being bullied and does not know how to react to Nick’s pure and innocent adoration of him. He is also still not sure whether Nick likes him as a friend or romantically. This is not the first nor the last time Nick tells Charlie how great he is; Nick is actively trying to build Charlie’s confidence because he knows Charlie is worth more than he gives himself credit for.

“He’s very different from your other friends, isn’t he? You seem much more like yourself around him.”

Charlie visits Nick’s house for the day and the two of them spend the afternoon playing in the snow, competing in video games, and sharing some hot cocoa. After Charlie leaves, Nick’s mother comments that Nick seems to be more himself around Charlie than his other friends. She notices he is more relaxed, open, and just generally more like Nick. This is because his relationship with Charlie is much more natural and trusting than Nick’s friendship with the rugby boys. By the end of the first volume, Nick does not like some of his other friends at all and sees some of them as intolerant toward gay people and mean. Charlie brings out the best in Nick, and vice versa.

“Oh REALLY. Well why don’t we just pop out for a cheeky Nando’s, then, mate? Ayyy, LADS LADS LADS! …. What? It’s just banter, init mate, init bruv.”

Charlie and Nick are becoming very close and comfortable with each other, enough so that they can comfortably banter and poke fun at each other knowing that it is not hurtful. When Nick goes to visit Charlie’s house, the two end up wrestling on the floor after Nick tries to distract Charlie from his homework. The moment is very flirtatious and both boys are left blushing by the end. Charlie calls Nick a rugby lad, and Nick plays up the joke by putting on a full lad accent. Many of the moments between Charlie and Nick are just like this: simple, innocent, and fun.

“You look so cuddly like that.”

After a day of fun at Charlie’s house, Charlie falls asleep on the couch as he and Nick are watching a movie. While he is sleeping, Nick wants to hold his hand but hesitates because he is still unsure about his feelings. When Charlie wakes up, he curls himself up in a blanket and Nick remarks that he looks cuddly. This is the first time Nick makes an openly flirtatious remark to Charlie. He then gives Charlie a really big hug, and Charlie’s sister, who is watching nearby, comments that she does not think Nick is straight.

“am I gay?”

When Nick spends the day with Charlie, he feels compelled to hold his hand while Charlie is sleeping. He hesitates, but later when Nick is leaving he embraces Charlie in a massive hug. When Nick gets home that night, he finally starts being honest with himself about his feelings for Charlie. He knows now that it is more than just a friendly feeling and goes on the internet to find out whether he is gay. The first search he types in is “am I gay?” which leads him down a rabbit hole of silly quizzes and articles that do not really make sense to Nick. Feeling lost, alone, and frustrated, he curls up and goes to sleep in tears. Nick’s struggles with self-acceptance and coming out encompass one of the novel’s major themes.

“I think he might maybe like me back. Over the past two weeks during Easter holidays we’ve hung out like almost EVERY DAY. He’s a lot more… idk… physical? We hug now? Sometimes I just catch him looking at me…”

The more time Nick and Charlie spend together, the closer they become. Nick’s behavior changes from purely of a friendly nature to more flirtatious and affectionate. Charlie notices this and opens up to Tao Xu about it, explaining that his relationship with Nick seems to be evolving into something more. Nick often looks at Charlie in admiration, smiling and blushing. He is also more open about hugging Charlie and touching him, often putting his arm around him, or picking him up. Tao has his doubts and still thinks Nick is straight, but even the boys on the rugby team are starting to think otherwise.

“You can’t tell whether people are gay by what they look like. And gay or straight aren’t the only two options. Anyway, it’s very rude to speculate about people’s sexuality.”

Miss Singh the P. E. teacher overhears some of the rugby boys talking about Nick and Charlie and whether Nick might be gay. One of the boys says that Nick does not look gay, and Miss Singh steps in to correct him and impart some wisdom upon the group. She explains that looks have nothing to do with whether someone is gay or not and that Nick might not be straight or gay but possibly bisexual or pansexual. She reminds the boys that gossiping about whether someone is gay is not in good taste before telling them to go home.

“All my other friends are dickheads and I don’t wanna have to spend an entire evening with them.”

Nick is changing and growing, and his friendship with Charlie is making that happen. The more time Nick spends with Charlie—someone who does not judge or ridicule him and who genuinely likes him for who he is—the less Nick wants to spend time with his other friends. The boys on the rugby team tend to bully, stereotype, and cast out people they see as different, and Nick no longer likes them. He invites Charlie to Harry’s birthday party because he knows if Charlie is there he will feel less alone. When he finds Charlie at the party, he is drawn standing out from the crowd of indistinct faces; he is the only person Nick has eyes for anymore.

“Stupid stupid stupid I’m such a stupid IDIOT.”

Charlie continues to berate himself and experience self-doubt about how Nick feels toward him. When he sees Nick talking to Tara at the party, he spirals and gets upset, believing that Nick is straight and was really just being friendly all along. He thinks he has fooled himself into hoping Nick was into him and was wrong. In truth, Nick does like Charlie romantically but is having difficulty showing it because he still does not understand his own feelings about Charlie.

“I think he must be one of the only people who doesn’t know I’m gay. Haha, you didn’t know either? That’s my girlfriend over there. So… I heard you’ve been hanging out with Charlie Spring a lot recently… Is that… I mean… are you just friends, or…? You can always talk to me about it if you need to…”

When Nick is pressured into talking to Tara at the party, he finds out she is gay and has a girlfriend. This is a relief to Nick because people keep saying he has a crush on Tara and trying to set him up with her to get him away from Charlie. Tara is confident and openly gay and expresses her concern for Nick, knowing that he is likely having feelings for Charlie but not opening up about it. She offers her support and solidarity.

D’you just feel sorry for him because he’s gay? No WAIT, d’you think he FANCIES you?! How my God, how SAD.”

Nick experiences unkindness at Harry’s birthday party when his friends find out that Nick is looking for Charlie. They begin teasing him and making fun of him being so close to Charlie. Rather than being understanding and accepting of Nick, they turn against him almost instantly, as if they never cared about him at all. This experience makes Nick see once and for all that his true friend is Charlie, not the rugby boys.

“You’re a pathetic, homophobic, self-obsessed DICK and I really dislike you.”

Nick calls out Harry for his intolerance and unkindness. Coming out, self-acceptance, and bullying/stereotyping are central themes in the graphic novel. In this moment, Nick asserts himself and stands up not only for Charlie but also for all gay people and points out the bigotry Harry so shamelessly touts. After this, Nick has no desire to hang out with Harry, but he still falls victim to peer pressure later on when Harry calls him after Nick and Charlie kiss.