Girls Like Us: Fighting For a World Where Girls Are Not For Sale

“Nobody noticed. I feel invisible to everyone but the boys who are beginning to pay attention to me.”

Lloyd lays out how girls who experience abuse in childhood are particularly susceptible to looking for love or acceptance through sexual validation. She recalls her own lonely teenage years, in which she suffered at the hands of an abusive stepfather and an alcoholic mother and turned to male attention to attempt to receive the support she needed. Lloyd portrays this search for care through sex as a steppingstone to sexual exploitation and trafficking for vulnerable girls.

“Beyond their family backgrounds, what is the story of their neighborhoods, their communities, their cities?”

Lloyd points out that sexual exploitation of young girls occurs due to a range of factors, from family background to socioeconomic status and educational opportunities. She advocates for a more holistic understanding of the roots of sex trafficking in the United States, linking it to greater systemic issues such as structural oppression and generational poverty.

“Girls get their hearts broken more times by their families than by any guy, returning to the scene of their childhood abuse again and again, each time fresh disappointment opening up the old wounds.”

Lloyd reiterates that young girls often enter into “the life” to look for the love they never received from their families. She argues that pimps often replicate the family models that the girls wish they had in their lives, and this dynamic accounts for why so many women and girls who are sexually exploited stay with their pimps. For many, a pimp is the only family they know.

“Her ‘daddy’ is the first person who’s shown her any type of kindness, who is modeling what a ‘real’ family looks like even though after dinner he takes her and the other girls out and sells them on the street.”

Lloyd elaborates on the appeal of pimps to vulnerable girls and explains the strategies that pimps use to keep women and girls involved in sexual exploitation. Lloyd argues that this predatory model draws upon the family dysfunction and abuse that many of the girls have previously experienced.

“Many parents don’t trust their 16-year-old to drive the car, pick their own ‘good enough’ friends, or stay home alone for the weekend without hosting a party. Yet interestingly, I’ve met lots and lots of adults who feel that a 16-year-old is completely mature enough to be considered fully capable of making the choice to be in the sex industry.”

Lloyd point out the hypocrisy and gender bias of common attitudes towards the sex trafficking industry. She describes the monumental responsibility and agency that many adults believe young girls have over their involvement and sexual exploitation. Lloyd later ties this hypocritical attitude to the historical abuse and disenfranchisement of women.

“Pimps thrive in America, a country where a modern-day slave system is too often justified and ignored.”

After being confronted with the perspective of several pimps who claim that the girls they exploit need protection, Lloyd begins to equate the sexual exploitation of young girls with the system of antebellum slavery. Lloyd compares the hierarchical system within slavery, in which some slaves were allowed to work in the white master’s house while others worked in the fields, with the ranking system among women who are controlled by the same pimp. In the system, one girl is “the bottom,” or head girl, who has certain privileges and experiences less abuse. Lloyd point out that this hierarchical system impedes any solidarity the girls might have with each other.

“His experience of growing up in violence, poverty, and neglect could be the story of one of the girls—except that he has become the perpetrator and not the victim.”

Lloyd complicates her critique of pimp culture by acknowledging that many pimps share the same challenging backgrounds as the girls and women they exploit. In doing so, Lloyd implies that underage sex trafficking is an issue that moves beyond the control of individuals and, in contrast, reflects greater socioeconomic disparities in the United States. 

“It is clear that race and class make a difference in how much of a victim we believe you are.”

Lloyd deconstructs the role of bias, both racial and socioeconomic, in perpetuating sexual exploitation. Lloyd explains how the media perpetuates these biases, pointing out that white victims like JonBenét Ramsey garner more media attention than their counterparts of color. Lloyd points out that this difference has to do with the hypersexualization of girls of color, particularly black girls.

“Finally he’s satisfied. ‘I believe you. But remember what will happen if you betray me.’ I nod, totally numb. ‘I love you,’ he says.”

Lloyd illustrates her own experience of Stockholm syndrome within her relationship with her abusive ex-boyfriend JP, who uses her earning as a stripper to fuel his crack addition. JP makes several attempts on Lloyd’s life in a paranoid attempt to secure Lloyd’s loyalty. Though JP threatens both her life and her livelihood, Lloyd expresses gratitude when JP temporarily ends her suffering and spares her life. This cycle of abuse and trauma mirrors that of many exploited girls Lloyd works with.

“The desire to perceive kindness when there is none, or to magnify small, inconsequential acts of basic human decency to proportions worthy of gratitude and love, can also be seen in another victims.”

Lloyd deconstructs the psychological measures that exploited girls take to survive their situations. After illustrating her own experience with Stockholm syndrome, Lloyd explicates the thinking behind identifying with one’s abuser.

“A study done by Dr. Melissa Farley of 475 people in the commercial sex industry in five different countries found that 67 percent of them met the criteria for PTSD, a figure that rivals that of combat veterans.”

Lloyd highlights the psychological impact of sexual exploitation on girls and women. She emphasizes that only when the danger of exploitation has passed can victims face the pain and trauma they have suppressed. 

“Traumatic responses can look different for different people.”

While some girls are numb, others deploy rage to push away their fear. Still others try to replicate the circumstances they have just escaped. 

“Having conflicted emotions doesn’t mean you should go back, it just means you’ve been conditioned to feel this way.”

Leaving the life is not the only hurdle that sexually exploited girls go through. After the initial shock and excitement of leaving wear off, victims may feel intense anxiety and depression around going back to normal life. Facing new challenges and public stigma, girls may feel tempted to return to the familiar, dysfunctional world of sexual exploitation. Lloyd points out that victims need transitional support to curb this reaction.

“So many of these girls, their family members, the social workers, and law enforcement officials believe their exploitation was their choice.”

Lloyd highlights how society on all levels blames victims for their own exploitation.

“If I can begin to understand all the factors that made me vulnerable—the impact of race, class, and gender; the role played by my dysfunctional family; the power of the billion-dollar sex industry; the recruitment tactics of my pimp; my limited options as a teenager—then I can begin to shift the blame to the perpetrators instead of carrying it myself.”

Lloyd outlines the myriad factors that contribute to child sexual exploitation and that victims internalize. She emphasizes the importance of providing girls with the support to understand that their victimization was not their fault. Giving girls the tools and resources to facilitate their own healing, GEMS empowers sexually exploited girls to embrace their personal strengths.

“They need to feel empowered, utilize safety strategies, recognize unhealthy and manipulative relationships before they even begin, understand what might make them vulnerable, and take steps to mitigate that, whether it’s cutting certain people out of their lives or becoming economically independent.”

Lloyd outlines the blueprint for GEMS programming, which includes mentorship, leadership training, and professional development in a supportive, nonjudgmental environment in part facilitated by victims' own peers.

“Even now, thirty-plus years into the domestic violence movement, too many girls and young women are still taught to except gender-based violence.”

Lloyd cites a Boston Public Health Commission survey that found that a majority of teenagers blamed pop star Rihanna for the violence she endured from then boyfriend Chris Brown, which led to her severe injuries. Lloyd uses this example to show the ways in which domestic violence is normalized and internalized, even in mainstream culture. Sexually exploited girls grow accustomed to the logic of abuse; it becomes familiar. Lloyd maintains that part of her work at GEMS is deconditioning this tolerance for abuse, which manifests in all facets of society.

“The last thing on my mind today was the streets, the life, or my past—it had been fifteen years. Yet apparently it was the first thing on his.”

In 2008, Lloyd is invited to the White House to attend a ceremonial signing of trafficking legislation. There, she is humiliated when Jeffrey Winter, a Republican lobbyist, makes an inappropriate comment about her past. Even while being invited to the White House to acknowledge her accomplishments, Lloyd cannot escape the judgment of others, who reduce her to her past life in the sex industry.

“Constantly reframing the issue and changing the language has been imperative in changing public perception and sympathies.”

After being insulted at a legislation signing at the White House in 2008, Lloyd realizes that changing the language around how underage sexual exploitation is spoken about has the power to shift the blame from the victims to the institutions and individuals who have failed them. Lloyd makes language changes a part of GEMS’s mission and makes a point of correcting those who misspeak.

“Identifying any child or youth, girls, boys, or transgender youth under the age of eighteen in the commercial sex industry as commercially sexually exploited is critical in ensuring that all children and youth who are bought for commercial sex acts are recognized as exploited, even if their experiences don’t fall under the definition of trafficking.”

Lloyd points to the need to acknowledge the various degrees of child sexual exploitation that fall outside of trafficking. She believes that recognizing these different forms of abuse will provide more effective, nuanced approaches to dismantling sexual exploitation.

“It’s hard to have patience with these proponents of the sex industry who, while simultaneously arguing that ‘sex work’ can be empowering, would never dream of having sex for money themselves.”

Lloyd takes issue with the term “sex worker,” as she believes it is often utilized by people who have not experienced sexual exploitation themselves and therefore cannot accurately or authentically speak to the potential of empowerment within the sex industry.

“On a small airbase in Germany they’ve accomplished a miracle. They’ve loved me back to life.”

Lloyd recalls the love and support that she received living on an air base in Germany after she left the life. Through this experience, she realizes the need for community in overcoming trauma.

“Ultimately, as girls begin to find their own voice, power, and strength, they can begin to envision a productive and exciting future.”

Lloyd argues that once sexually exploited girls begin to forge their own path in the world and realize the contributions they can make to society, they can begin to move past their role as a victim and start new lives.