39 pages • 1 hour read
Maia KobabeGender Queer: A Memoir
Nonfiction | Graphic Memoir | Adult | Published in 2019A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
Themes
Gendered Social Cues and Childhood
Gendered social cues heavily influence Kobabe’s early life. Before school, Kobabe is isolated and spends time with her family and the only neighboring family. E spends more time catching snakes than thinking about eir gender. On the first day e attends first grade, e isn’t allowed to play with the boys because “girls have cooties” (22). As a teen, Kobabe doesn’t understand the pressure to shave eir legs just because “girls [are] supposed to” (45) and feels ashamed in front of the girls in eir class. Eir period is also a confusing and embarrassing experience for em that e cannot celebrate. There is a stark contrast in how Kobabe experiences eir body and eir gender before attending school and after. Attending school means experiencing the pressure of gender norms like girls and boys being separated at recess. At home, Kobabe’s parents do not enforce gender norms and e spends most of eir time outside in nature.
The first section of the memoir primarily focuses on this theme. Kobabe uses artistic choices and styling to highlight this contrast between eir life before school and while in school. Eir life before school is depicted as natural and carefree, free of gendered expectations and confusing social cues. From Pages 16 to 21, the color palette is warm and soft, with pastel and earth tones. This color palette creates an inviting feeling. The art, like Kobabe at the time, is allowed to be free. Many of the illustrations are not contained within panels, or the panels are half-drawn boxes such as when Galen’s family is introduced (17). Text escapes the frames of individual panels, as seen when Kobabe’s family moves into a new home (20). Removing the neat and clean silhouettes of rectangular panels subverts what audiences expect from graphic novels and comics, indicating that these are organic, out-of-the-box experiences.
When Kobabe enters school, the panels become more rigid and self-contained. School and socialization feel claustrophobic for Kobabe, and these feelings of restriction and confusion are conveyed through the artwork. The color palette becomes dark, somber, and harsh, using blues and shadows. The artwork is confined within the panels rather than breaking free, and white space takes up more of the page and intrudes on the panels. The white space reinforces feelings of distance, like when Kobabe is confused by how effortlessly others are able to be girls (31). It also calls to mind clinics and sterile settings, underlining the way Kobabe feels judged when, for example, her guidance counselor asks her to wear deodorant (57). Kobabe uses eir art to convey eir confusion and dismay over the gendered social cues that eir peers seem to flawlessly perform. Kobabe feels ignorant throughout childhood and adolescence and wishes e had LGBTQ+ role models to help em discover emself earlier. E resolves this theme by acting as a role model to young people in eir life.
Self-Discovery
Kobabe grows up without role models or the language to understand who e is. This means Kobabe must go on a lifelong journey to understand all the facets of eir identity, especially what it means to be nonbinary and asexual. Eir differences show up early in life, manifesting when e feels happy that a boy on the playground can’t tell if e is a boy or a girl. Kobabe promises emself at the end of the memoir that e will come out to eir students so that they can have the LGBTQ+ role models that e wishes e had growing up. The memoir itself is written to share insight and knowledge about discovering one’s LGBTQ+ identities.
Kobabe uses artwork to highlight moments of self-discovery. Kobabe’s discovery of David Bowie’s music is eir first exposure to LGBTQ+ themes and identity in the broader world. The music is “amazing” to Kobabe, and the artwork transitions from linear storytelling to immersive, fantastical imagery to convey Kobabe’s feeling seen. The sound pouring out of the radio surrounds em with stars and burnt-orange music notes (62). Page 64 has a single panel that takes up the entire page, showing Kobabe floating in space surrounded by stars, a rocket, and the David Bowie cassette floating in front of the sun. The art conveys Kobabe’s sense of wonder and an experience larger than simply listening to music from a cassette. For Kobabe, this experience is out of this world, showing em possibilities and perspectives that make em feel as if e is no longer on Earth and burdened by gendered expectations.
Kobabe uses written and visual metaphors and similes to explain eir journey. For example, e describes eir childhood gender as a seed, a hidden “third option” and an alternative to being a boy or girl that e did not have the language to define. E draws the flowers that could bloom from this seed (70). When e realizes e isn’t required to have children, e describes a feeling “like walking out of a narrow alley into a wide open field” (183), accompanied by artwork that shows e leaving a claustrophobic and dark alley for a peaceful, sunny field of flowers. These realizations are “like gifts that [e] gave to [emself]” (183). Kobabe finally comes to terms with eir gender identity through the metaphor of the landscape (195-96). E compares gender to a landscape that leads from an ocean into mountains. These two distinct areas are joined by a “wild forest” where Kobabe feels at home. Kobabe grew up with a lack of language to convey feelings about LGBTQ+ identities. Metaphors and similes give Kobabe a way to convey these feelings without worrying about jargon, definitions, or eir audience knowing specific words and their meanings. By using striking visuals, e conveys the highs and lows of eir self-discovery journey.
Family and Acceptance
Kobabe’s family is important to em, which makes their acceptance of Kobabe a central theme of the memoir. Kobabe must also accept emself and eir identities, which e struggles with more than eir family’s acceptance. When e comes out to eir parents as bisexual, eir parents accept em wholeheartedly. This happens during high school, and Kobabe represents eir “gender confusion” as hazy clouds hanging in the background (99). While Kobabe doesn’t have the language to express eir gender identity to emself or eir parents yet, e feels supported at home. With this, e has a safe space to explore eir hobbies and identity; for instance, eir father gives em eir first David Bowie cassette.
While eir family is supportive of eir bisexuality, e meets resistance when e decides to share eir nonbinary and asexual identities with eir family. Eir aunt Shari believes eir desire for new pronouns is “a deeply internalized hatred of women” (200), a common sentiment shared by people with anti-transgender biases towards AFAB transgender people. While Kobabe convinces eir aunt about the authenticity of eir feelings, the accusations of misogyny hurt em deeply and cause em to feel doubt about eir identity. Kobabe wonders if e can ever fully explain eir gender identity to cisgender family members. Likewise, eir mom has trouble understanding Kobabe’s nonbinary identity and asserts e would be a wonderful mother despite eir desire to never have children. She also struggles with eir pronouns and grows frustrated with em. Despite these issues, eir family does their best to accept Kobabe and support them. Shortly after a traumatizing gynecologist appointment, eir mom comforts em and helps em through the next appointment. Eir family grows through their ignorance about Kobabe’s identity and accepts em.
The growing pains Kobabe’s family experiences while learning about eir identities makes eir acceptance of emself even more difficult. When Kobabe first learns the word “transgender,” e enters a spiral of doubt, illustrated as Kobabe sitting inside a large, shell-like spiral with eir thoughts trailing off into its center (74-75). E engages in a mental back-and-forth with emself, ultimately asking “What am I?” E cannot answer the question just yet, showing eir inability to have confidence in eir own feelings. Aunt Shari’s anti-transgender biases open this spiral for Kobabe again, which e can only escape by learning about biological explanations for LGBTQ+ identities. Aunt Shari makes em feel like a “huge snarled mess” (203). Eir parents’ difficulties hurt em in a similar way.
A notable exception in Kobabe’s family is eir sister, Phoebe, who is always open-minded and supportive. Kobabe describes several instances where e, at the end of eir rope, turns to Phoebe for support. Phoebe is never judgmental and always willing to try to help Kobabe through eir struggles. For example, when Kobabe panics at the store because all the women’s underwear is too feminine, Phoebe takes em shopping in the men’s section to buy gender-affirming underwear. Likewise, Phoebe and her boyfriend, Amila, buy Kobabe eir first binders. Whether it’s because Phoebe is also queer or because they’re similar in age, Kobabe and eir sister share a close bond that stabilizes Kobabe when other family members make em feel unsupported. Phoebe and Amila’s immediate acceptance of Kobabe illustrates what is possible for eir family as they help Kobabe navigate eir identity.
Kobabe’s journey toward self-acceptance relies on acceptance from eir family. Their acceptance is intertwined with Kobabe’s own self-acceptance, demonstrating the importance of having our identities validated by our community. Kobabe’s confidence in emself, and even learning about eir pronouns, is built on other LGBTQ+ people existing and being accepted in eir communities. When Kobabe and eir family grow together and accept em, Kobabe can then share that experience with the next generation by being an openly LGBTQ+ person for eir students.
