Game Changer

“That’s what we do, isn’t it? Build ourselves a comfy web of reality like busy little spiders, and cling to it so we can get through the worst of days.”

Ash’s comment foreshadows that the narrative explores existential questions about the nature of reality, identity, and morality. It also creates a sense of ominousness and anticipation by suggesting that reality is a matter of perception and, more so, that this perception is fragile.

“Although this story begins and ends with football, it’s the stuff in between that matters. The mystery meat in the sandwich you’ve already been warned you won’t be able to swallow, much less digest. Drink milk, it’ll calm your stomach.”

This passage introduces the recurring motif of football. The sandwich metaphor incorporates humor, which is true to Ash’s voice and character, while creating suspense about the upcoming events of the story. It also frames the structure of the novel as a loop that “begins and ends with football,” albeit while encouraging the reader to pay attention to the plot and character developments that contain the story’s main message.

“There are choices we make, choices that are made for us, and things we ignore long enough until all choices have fallen away.”

This statement reveals Ash’s beliefs about the nature of choice. His initial beliefs hint at his coming character development. At first, he views his own capacity to choose as limited, viewing choices as simply decisions made for him (e.g., by his parents) or as something avoidable, even though he is in fact choosing inaction for fear of upsetting the social status quo. Over the course of the story, he learns to think critically and make purposeful choices, even in the face of other characters’ questionable or harmful choices.

“At the time, I thought having a diverse group of friends checked my box of social responsibility. Like there was nothing more for me to do than have some brown at the table. ‘Color shouldn’t matter’ I was always taught—and always believed. But there’s a big difference between ‘shouldn’t’ and ‘doesn’t.’ Privilege is all about not seeing that gap.”

This quote introduces the theme of Passive Privilege Versus Active Allyship. Ash reflects on his initial lack of critical thinking about his social status, which led him to accept the status quo. His character develops over the course of the story until he realizes that he can effect change if he actively chooses to.

“It’s amazing how a simple shift in one’s point of view can make things better. I can live with this, I told myself. In fact, I could live with it forever. It’s like Leo’s dad had said—it’s all about perception.”

This passage plays into the theme of Identity and Perspective. Ash is questioning how much of his identity is due to nature versus nurture and, as a result, how much he can really adapt his perception to the world around him. This passage also implicitly plays into the theme of passive privilege versus active allyship, because Ash is still yielding to the status quo, willing to adapt quietly to an entirely new reality to benefit himself, as his family is richer and his relationship with his brother is happier. At this point, Ash remains naive about his role in the world, both literally and metaphorically.

“Who are we, really? Science would tell us that we are nothing more than the sum of our experiences. Faith would tell us that we are a spark that exists separate from the drama of our lives. I’ve never thought about these things much. On those late nights when friends would get all metaphysical and would start talking about how the universe might be just a crushed bug on the floor of a much bigger universe, I never got involved. The way I always saw it, the stuff that’s impossible to figure out was pointless to think about. That attitude left me at a distinct disadvantage now that I was smack in the middle of a metaphysical crisis.”

This passage explores different definitions of the nature of identity and perspective. It also reveals Ash’s initial lack of critical-thinking skills, since he chooses not to question “the stuff that’s impossible to figure out.” His awareness of his own place in the universe is still developing, and his previous tendency to stay passive is no longer going to serve him well.

“And it made me realize something. They say that misery loves company. That never rang true for me. But I do know that when you’re facing a vast unknown, company is the only thing that makes it bearable.”

This quote immediately follows an interaction between Hunter, who tries to explain his mysterious sense of foreboding regarding the state of the world, and Ash, who comforts him. This interaction shows the evolution of the brothers’ relationship and conveys the idea that empathy and human connection can help Ash make sense of and find purpose in the world around him.

“I closed my eyes, trying to process the memories forcing their way in. I knew who I was in this world now. And here’s the terrible, horrible truth. I wasn’t all that different.”

After shifting into a segregated version of the United States, Ash reflects on his passive privilege versus active allyship . He realizes that his lack of action in his original universe is, in itself, a choice that contributes to upholding white supremacy. Acknowledging that, through his passiveness, he was actually supporting the status quo is a painful truth to accept.

“‘Disappointment isn’t about the things a person is,’ my mom said. ‘It’s about the things they do.’”

After Ash comes out to his parents as gay, his parents react poorly at first. However, his mother assures him that, although it will take time for them to accept it, they are not disappointed in him. She highlights the distinction between one’s identity and perspective and one’s choices, which contributes to some of the major themes in the book.

“But I still couldn’t get past the fact that I had deleted three people. Granted, it was in self-defense, but still…if I had a knife would I have stabbed them each through the heart? If I had a gun would I have shot all three of them dead? What actions are justified in self-defense? Is erasing them from all versions of existence fair punishment for being sleazy rat bastards? They were human beings with mothers who loved them. But now, since their mothers never had them, they didn’t even have that.”

Ash confronts his sense of Gray Morality after he deletes his attackers from all universes. Although he acted in self-defense and there is no trace of his actions, he questions how his choice affects his sense of self. These passages, which are ultimately left open ended, prompt critical thinking on the part of the reader.

“‘Katie…the old world isn’t any different for you,’ I told her—and we both knew what I was talking about. ‘If you want it different, you have to be the one to change it.’”

Ash’s comment to Katie, who seems to be hoping that she is happier in the original universe, highlights the motif of choice. Ash’s comment suggests that, although there are multiple universes, one’s fate is still ultimately dictated by free will.

“Perfection is overrated. Sometimes it’s more important to fail with grace.”

In Chapter 20, Ash debunks fallacies that “help us find a moral compass [but] rarely hold up to scrutiny” (277). One of them, for instance, is the common saying that “practice makes perfect,” which ties back to the plot. This fallacy not only plays into the motif of football, but also leads Ash to suggest that “failing with grace” can be more important. Ash’s realization here hints at his later crisis of conscience and struggle to return to his original universe.

“Or a tsunami, I thought. Wasn’t our team called that in another life?”

The name of Ash’s high school football team changes in some of the universes, from the Tibbetsville Tsunamis to the Blue Demons, then finally to the Gray Demons. Although he can keep track of those changes at first, this passage reveals that Ash is starting to forget some of his memories from his original universe. This moment of shaky memory creates anticipation for the reader and emphasizes the sense of doom created by the upcoming end of the world.

“‘Does it ever bother you,’ he asked, ‘that you were named after a guy who was named after a guy who was in a movie that glorified the Confederacy?’

The answer was yes, but instead of saying that, I told him what I always told myself. ‘Ashley Wilkes said he was going to free his slaves if the war didn’t happen first.’ I know this because my grandma made me sit through all four uncomfortable hours of the movie once.

‘But he didn’t, did he? Instead he went off and fought for the South. All talk, no action.’

‘I’m not him!’ I told Leo.

Then Leo leaned close and whispered, ‘Prove it.’”

This conversation between Ash and Leo, which takes place within Ash’s subconscious, highlights the themes of passive privilege versus active allyship and identity and perspective. Once again, Ash confronts the fact that his lack of action is a choice in and of itself. This exchange also emphasizes the significance of cultural legacy, suggesting that one has a responsibility to question and challenge inherited oppressive systems.

“Not myself. That made me laugh. He had no idea how right he was. I had no specific ‘self’ anymore. Just versions. Like a human operating system.

‘Well, if I’m not myself, then who am I?’”

During this conversation with Hunter, the narrative reveals Ash’s fracturing identity and perspective. His sense of self is challenged to greater and greater extents throughout the novel, leading him to an identity crisis symbolized by the different versions of himself. In the end, however, those different perspectives help Ash reflect on his relationships and his place in the world for the better.

“‘I’m no hero,’ I told him. ‘I’m the monster who did this to you. I stole your life and your future. You have every right to hate me.’ The truth hurt, but I couldn’t hide from it. I made this world. All its flaws and injustices. All its brutal, unthinkable realities. Great white hero, my ass. This miserable world was on me.”

When Ash visits Leo in prison, he promises his friend that he will fix the world, implying that he will shift back to the desegregated universe. Leo then points out Ash’s white-savior complex, and Ash replies that he is no “hero” but instead the “monster” who put Leo in that position. This statement can be taken both literally, since Ash is responsible for changing the universe, and symbolically, as an acknowledgment of cultural heritage and inherited systems of oppression.

“I’m dating Layton Vandenboom, the star quarterback of the Gray Demons. We’ve been together for almost a year. Our relationship is…complicated.”

Although Ash does not remark on it explicitly, the name of his high school football team has changed once again in the new universe he finds himself in. That detail highlights the minimal differences between universes, as well as Ash’s evolution as he struggles to keep all those details in mind and starts to lose his original memories.

“Even if they begin with good intentions, in their heart of hearts abusers believe love is about control. They believe it’s about possession. And why shouldn’t they? It’s the ugly underbelly of every love song ever written. Don’t believe me? How many love songs have the words ‘you’re mine’ in the core of the lyrics? Or ‘I’ll never let you go,’ or ‘you belong to me.’ For guys like Layton, it’s much too easy to take that literally.”

This quote helps characterize Layton and his relationship with Katie. Ash reflects on the toxic culture that creates and encourages abusers like Layton. He points out that abusers are often regular people rather than the stereotypical monsters depicted in popular discourse, which makes them more dangerous.

“Only a self-centered, privileged fool thinks they can single-handedly fix problems it took all of human history to create.”

This quote, addressed to Ash by one of the Edwards, contributes to the theme of passive privilege versus active allyship. On the one hand, it frames Ash as an underdog, a narrative position that builds up to his eventual climactic success. On the other hand, it also highlights the importance of cultural legacy, and the responsibility one has to understand their own position to effectively challenge oppressive systems.

“That was the sort of world Layton existed in. Simple and unambiguous. The quarterback and his girl in a world of winners and losers, with nothing in between. He served a personal cult of apple pie, homecoming royalty, and happily ever after. Anything that didn’t conform to that singular vision had to be bent, bound, and broken until it did.”

This quote serves to further characterize Layton. It also parallels Ash’s character at the beginning of the story, since he initially describes himself as someone who does not question his identity, his role in the world, or the systems in which he participates. This observation suggests that Layton may be a symbolic representation of what Ash could have become if Ash remained ignorant and oblivious.

“As I looked at Layton lying there, his body broken, I had to wonder if this was a tragedy or karma. Does a man who would hit a woman deserve to lose the use of those hands, like some sort of biblical judgment—and to suffer months in intensive care for something that took place in an entirely different reality? Layton was clearly capable of that kind of abuse here—but did capable make him culpable? I honestly don’t know.”

Ash once again wrestles with questions that go unanswered, raising the theme of gray morality at the end of the book by wondering whether Layton’s fate can be equated with justice. Notably, although the issue may be interpreted symbolically, this passage frames disability as a sort of divine retribution rather than as a neutral fact of life, which is ableist in nature.

“The idea that my life might be anything but ordinary was laughable. Even when I was the actual center of the universe, I was nobody special.”

Throughout the story, Ash gains true confidence by challenging his perspective. This quote illustrates that he has become humbler about his position in the world by opposing two seemingly contradicting ideas. Indeed, Ash can be both “the center of the universe” and “nobody special,” which highlights the complex, shifting nature of one’s identity and perspective.

“I also know, like humanity itself, there are parts of my multiple selves that will never be reconciled. Gaps that can’t be sealed but can only be bridged—but as any engineer can tell you, it’s the tension in the cables that makes a bridge strong. Trusting the tension between the things we can’t unite is what protects us from plunging into the canyon between.”

Building on Quote #23, this passage emphasizes the complex, shifting nature of identity and perspective by drawing a parallel between Ash’s different selves in each universe and the multiple aspects of his personality. The metaphor of the bridge further conveys that message.