Fish Cheeks

“What would Robert think of our shabby Chinese Christmas? What would he think of our noisy Chinese relatives who lacked proper American manners? What terrible disappointment would he feel upon seeing not a roasted turkey and sweet potatoes but Chinese food?”

These rhetorical questions emphasize Tan’s anxious awareness of the cultural differences between her family and Robert’s family. Tan’s anticipation also implies that she imagines an American culture that views Chinese food and traditions as inferior to its own, reinforcing the idea of shame she feels regarding her heritage.

“The kitchen was littered with appalling mounds of raw food: a slimy rock cod with bulging eyes that pleaded not to be thrown in a pan of hot oil. Tofu, which looked like stacked wedges of rubbery white sponges. A bowl soaking dried fungus back to life. A plate of squid, their back crisscrossed with knife markings so they resembled bicycle tires.”

Tan uses figurative language to vividly illuminate her dismay at her mother’s cooking. The word choice, as well as the use of simile and personification, leave the reader with an unappetizing perspective on the menu, further highlighting Tan’s shame toward her own culture. It also works to demonstrate how Tan’s view of the evening is being filtered by her imagination of what Robert’s family will think.

“And then they arrived—the minister’s family and all my relatives in a clamor of doorbells and rumpled Christmas packages.”

This quote exemplifies the essay’s conversational tone. Throughout the essay, Tan uses causal language to engage the reader as well as imbue the essay with a sense of storytelling. Her arguments become situated in details of the real world, allowing the reader to connect with them emotionally.

“Robert grunted hello, and I pretended he was not worthy of existence.”

After Robert gives an indifferent greeting, Tan anticipates his rejection and judgment by acting as if he is “not worthy of existence.” This is the only direct interaction Robert and Tan have during the essay, and the tone of this description also highlights the insecurities of the teenage version of the author. Tan feels that Robert is superior to her in some way, and she assumes that their cultural difference will cause him to dislike her, despite having a very brief interaction with him.

“Dinner threw me into despair. My relatives licked the ends of their chopsticks and reached across the table, dipping them into the dozen or so plates of food. Robert and his family waited patiently for platters to be passed to them.”

This quote juxtaposes the Chinese traditions and customs of Tan’s family with the American traditions and customs of Robert’s family. These sentences illustrate this essential conflict of the essay.

“Then my father poked his chopsticks just below the fish eye and plucked out the soft meat. ‘Amy, your favorite,’ he said, offering me the tender fish cheek. I wanted to disappear.”

Tan uses food as symbolism to represent the clash between the author’s family and her American preferences. The father’s gesture, offering the fish cheek, highlights the chasm between Tan’s family and her discomfort with her cultural and familial identity, contributing to the overarching theme of shame about one’s cultural heritage.

“At the end of the meal, my father leaned back in his chair and belched loudly, thanking my mother for her fine cooking. ‘It’s a polite Chinese custom to show you are satisfied,’ explained my father to our astonished guests. Robert was looking down at his plate with reddened face.”

Tan plays with the idea of cultural differences in this scene, as what is polite in one culture causes discomfort in another. Again, the essay externalizes Tan’s internal conflict by highlighting these stark differences in Chinese and American culture—the two cultures the narrator is attempting to bridge.

“[M]y mother said to me, ‘You want to be the same as American girls on the outside.’ She handed me an early gift. It was a miniskirt in beige tweed. ‘But inside you must always be Chinese. You must be proud you are different. Your only shame is to have shame.’”

This pivotal scene invites the reader to reexamine Tan’s ideas of shame and assimilation that have saturated the narrative. The mother’s lesson emphasizes the contrast between external appearances and internal identity, stipulating that one’s identity should never be something to be ashamed of. This dialogue is the climactic moment of the essay, as it combines the two major themes of the essay—shame about one’s cultural heritage and the desire to assimilate—to arrive at the last one: the celebration of difference.