Firegirl

In Firegirl, Abbott emphasizes the healing power of communication in combating isolation and facilitating self-expression. Tom does not communicate with many people, at home or at school. He flies under everyone’s radar, noting that, “People don’t really talk to me much in school or notice me, not even adults” (5). He is quiet and has few friends, though he lives a rich and heroic imaginary life. Tom observes, rather than participates, in life. Jessica’s unwelcome reception in class forces Tom to find his voice, and in so doing, he gains self-understanding and friendship.

Tom has trouble expressing his thoughts feelings out loud. His internal dialogue is self-aware and sensitive, but Tom admits he bogs down when he tries to speak his mind. Tom often wants to say something, but the words get mixed-up: “But I wasn’t sure what I was trying to say and I couldn’t seem to get it out right” (76). Tom mentally questions why he says things, what he should say, and how to say things. He fantasizes about rescuing Courtney and inspiring her love but does not speak to with her in real life. Tom’s inability to speak is tied to a lack of confidence. Tom feels voiceless, and by extension, powerless, commenting when he fails to nominate Jessica that, “I was suddenly a tiny invisible thing with no voice. Too small to do anything. And it was too late” (124).

Tom is hypersensitive to both talk and silence. He himself rarely speaks out in class, but he notices that the silence of the class prompted by Jessica’s arrival is awkward and disturbing, creating an abnormal threat to his routine. Tom also dislikes speech that hurts or causes conflict. He wants to shut down conversations that become “stupid” or that he loses control of through his inability to speak, like Jeff’s negative talk about Jessica. Positive public speech is almost equally overwhelming. Tom is amazed by the upbeat verbal response of the other students when they initially see Jessica’s photograph, marveling, “So many words!” (70).

Not only does Tom have difficulty expressing himself, but he also has trouble identifying exactly what he feels. It takes time and reflection to recognize how he feels about Jeff’s snub with the Cobra. Tom struggles to both process his emotions and the emotions he senses in others.

When ideas or feelings make Tom uncomfortable and he is unable to express them, he demonstrates physical symptoms, which are called somatic symptoms. Overwhelmed by the vicious rumors about Jessica, Tom “nearly asked to go to the nurse” (76). Tom frequently refers to having stomach pain, chills, and tightness of his chest when he is upset. Upon hearing Jessica say she hates her mother, Tom comments that “my chest was feeling all buzzy and electric; my ears rang with a high noise” (86-87). Somatic symptoms can occur when a child or young adult has difficulty expressing their feelings in words and their emotions build up inside.

According to the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry, children with Somatic Symptom and Related Disorder (SSRD) demonstrate otherwise unexplained physical symptoms like many of those Tom experiences: stomach upset, nausea, vomiting, shortness of breath, a lump in their throat, and weakness, among others. These physical symptoms are very real, and impact a child’s everyday life, causing them to avoid playing with others or to skip fun events (“Physical Symptoms of Emotional Distress: Somatic Symptoms and Related Disorders,” American Academy of Child & adolescent Psychiatry). Tom often comments that he does not know how to express himself, or that his words come out sounding wrong, suggesting that Tom may be having trouble sharing his feelings. After hearing the story of Jessica’s accident, Tom thinks, “It was too much to understand, too much to get” and he goes home and throws up (101). Tom suffers from his inability to communicate.

Like Tom, Jessica has no one to talk to. She is isolated at school and otherwise sees only her parents or doctors. Visiting her, Tom hears Jessica talk more than ever before, and he realizes that that “maybe she was talking because she didn’t get a chance to talk much” (88). Tom’s mother comments that “It might help to talk to her” (46), meaning help Jessica, but it also helps Tom. In talking to Jessica, Tom realizes he is communicating private thoughts that he has not expressed to anyone else. By speaking, sharing, and listening to each other, Tom and Jessica emotionally validate one another. Communication is the key to understanding and accepting others.

Jessica publicly says Tom’s name, making him equal with the other nominated students. For the first time, Tom is visible. The impact of Jessica speaking his name resonates with Tom as something that changes his sense of self, he recalls, “In class, she said my name” (144). Although Tom’s vocalization of Jessica’s name fails to register with the rest of the class, Jessica hears him, and feels affirmed. Jessica helps Tom break through his communication barrier and increase his self-confidence. He can finally talk with Courtney in person. He knows that if he meets Jessica again, not only will they both talk “nonstop,” but he will have the courage to thank her loud and clear. Being able to communicate authentically with Jessica gives Tom courage to become a participant in life, speaking out rather than observing and staying silent.

Tom’s mother encourages him to “get out there” (5) and become more socially involved, but Tom’s low self-esteem holds him back. Abbott explores the theme of self-discovery as Jessica pulls Tom out of his comfort zone and helps Tom learn about and define himself.

In his imaginary life, Tom is an urbane superhero who saves and wins his beloved. In reality, Tom sees himself as fat, sweaty, unpopular, silent, average student: a “normal” kid. He feels undeserving of anything special in life. While Tom professes to enjoy his anonymity, he does long for more. He thinks if he nominates Courtney, he would “finally be visible” (35). Tom’s ambitions for his superhero powers are small, he fears “asking for too much” because he is unworthy of anything big (89).

Even Tom’s friendship with Jeff is unequal. Jeff puts Tom down when they are together, saying Tom’s attempt to extinguish the Batmobile situation is “lame” and “stupid” and calling him “dork” and the “Human Dork,” reflecting both Jeff’s own anger and what he sees as Tom’s social ineptitude.

Tom enjoys routine and feels safe in his mental solitude and silence. Jessica disrupts these conditions, challenging Tom’s insular world. With Jessica in class, Tom feels that nothing is normal. He observes that “strange things” begin to happen: a sign that Tom himself is changing.

Prompted by his feelings of empathy towards Jessica, Tom begins to fumblingly engage socially. Tom defends Jessica against rumors. He sacrifices his own secret plan to deflect the other boys’ conversation away from Jessica. Tom does what he thinks is “the tough thing” by talking to Jessica, but goes much further, doing the truly difficult thing in choosing Jessica’s friendship over Jeff’s. Although Tom chooses to ride in the Cobra rather than go to New Haven with Jessica—neither of which events occur—the second time Tom is given the choice, he chooses to see Jessica and feels he is in the right place, “doing what [I] should be doing” (136). Tom rejects Jeff’s label of him as “Cobraman” and defies Jeff’s definition of him. With his choice, Tom selects the kind of person he wants to be: Tom would rather be a giving person who cares about others than be like Jeff, who is angry and uncaring.

Tom’s explanation of the benefits of small superpowers characterizes his own personality. He tells Jessica, “Mostly you’re fairly useless; nobody thinks you can do anything at all. Until you really need to do something; then it comes out” (91). Tom, despite his lack of confidence, his fear of taking action, and his own fears of isolation, “does something” that no one else had the courage to do: see the whole person in Jessica and befriend her. Tom guiltily feels, however, that he “didn’t do anything” (134), but the process changed Tom’s priorities and his sense of self.

Tom internalizes Jessica’s view of life’s important things and revaluates what matters most to him. In so doing, Tom matures. He no longer hangs out with Jeff because Jeff’s careless approach to others flies against what Tom believes. Tom explains that “laughing at the stuff [Jeff] did didn’t seem right anymore” (142). Tom keeps Jessica in his mind and heart, imagining what she would advise him to do and thanking her for his new perspective on life and himself. Tom contemplates “getting out there” in the future and helping others with his superpowers. Tom’s time with Jessica helps him understand himself and the importance of the bigger things in life.