Even As We Breathe

Cowney wakes early on Sunday wishing he could sleep, though his grandmother wants him to go to church with her. As he drives along the mountain road in the Model T, she asks him what he is thinking. When he denies it is anything significant, she elbows him in the ribs so strongly that he almost wrecks the car. After going back and forth across the road, Cowney stops just in front of a large female black bear. The black bear and her cubs walk across the road in front of them, leaving them breathless.

Once inside the church, Cowney finds it difficult to stay awake. He dozes continually throughout the service. As he departs, his grandmother says she is going to stay and have lunch with the others and that someone else will drive her home. The person driving her home does not have a car, meaning Cowney must leave her the keys and walk home through the woods. While walking, something scratches his cheek deeply. He realizes it is Edgar, the pet monkey of one of the older Cherokee men, Tsa Tsi. Trying to track Edgar through the woods, he comes upon a 25-foot waterfall behind a cool natural basin where he washes his face. He sees a cavern behind the waterfall. As he calls into it, a great gust of wind almost knocks him back into the waterfall. He continues to search for the monkey.

Cowney discusses spending time with Essie together in room 447, where they have been growing closer. Upon his return from a trip from Cherokee, Cowney hurriedly puts his stuff back in his dormitory room to rush over to room 447. As he starts out the door Sol blocks his way and tries to bully him. Sol is drunk. When he raises Cowney’s chin, Cowney puts his hands on his shoulders and pushes him back. Sol falls at the feet of Peter, who was standing outside. Peter is the soldier that Cowney and Essie have encountered several times in the main building. Peter speaks to them, distracting Sol. Cowney takes the opportunity to walk away.

He goes to room 447, first looking for the secret key where they hide it. When it is not there, he realizes Essie is in room 447. She comes to the door after he knocks a second time. They spend time together talking about everything that is happening in Cherokee and playing dominoes. She says she wants to go to the waterfall. When the time comes to leave, he lets Essie go ahead of him so he can read the letter she keeps in a book in the room. He sees it is from someone named Andrea, who he assumes is one of the diplomats residing in the inn. As he heads down the stairs, he sees a man kissing Essie. Cowney tries to excuse himself and go by, suddenly filled with disgust: “I looked desperately to Essie. She turned into his shoulder. I have never felt so much hate as I did in that moment” (105). Blocking the door is Peter, who introduces himself to both Cowney and Essie. Cowney walks away. Reflecting upon the episode years later, Cowney relates that the kind of intimacy he shared with Essie was beyond mere physical closeness.

After his encounter with Essie in the stairwell kissing the other man, Cowney decides that he does not want to see her again. Distracted, he goes about his work and manages to get through several days without seeing Essie. Later in the week, the plumber gets sick, and Lee’s crew has to take over the indoor plumbing responsibilities. Cowney has to go inside the main building where he may encounter Essie.

As Cowney cleans a room by himself, Peter enters. Peter tells Cowney about his marriage, saying he misses his wife and little child. Peter asks Cowney about Essie, wondering if they are romantically involved. Though tempted to tell Peter everything about the girl, Cowney decides not to do it. Instead, he responds by saying, “Girls like that are not for me” (115). As they are about to leave the room, a soldier enters with a note for Cowney saying that Lishie does not have long to live. He goes to the Model T and races toward Cherokee.

Cowney arrives at Lishie’s cabin to find her sleeping in her room with a number of well-wishers present. He goes into his bedroom and lies down, fitfully remembering past exchanges between Lishie and Bud that he actually would have been too young to remember. He realizes, through recalling subtle things that his grandmother did, that Lishie knew her death was approaching. He thinks, “She knew and she had spared me. It had not been the first time she had shielded me from the pain of heartache. She had been doing it all my life” (122). When all the others leave, he crawls into her bed and holds her. During the night, she comes to him in a dream, and they converse.

Cowney wakes in the morning to find his grandmother has died. Many people gather at the house. Some tell him that, for a long time, Lishie fought her heart problem, not telling him about it in order to spare him. Cowney realizes he is now responsible for making most of the decisions about his grandmother. To renew himself, he leaves the cabin and goes through the woods to the waterfall where he jumps in and takes off his clothes to let them dry. A black bear comes out of the cave behind the waterfall and walks into the pool of water without paying any attention to Cowney. The bear limps because of an injury in the left hindquarter. It washes itself and, when it comes out of the water and goes back into the cave, it no longer seems to be limping.

Cowney returns to the cabin and proceeds to work with Myrtle and Bud to make arrangements for his grandmother. Many visitors come to the visitation. As the evening wears on, Essie shows up with Peter. Cowney has a shocked, confused reaction: “She was beautiful, and I hated that she was beautiful. Her loveliness splintered the sadness of the home, leaving threatening shards at my feet” (132).

An old soldier who served with Bud and with Cowney’s father also shows up to pay his respects. Bud orders him to leave, though the soldier refuses to do so until he speaks to Cowney. Bud and Cowney almost get into a fight in the kitchen before Cowney takes Essie to the waterfall and the pool. The bear is gone, so they can swim and share a long conversation in which they reconcile. Essie explains to Bud that she was protecting him from knowing about Andrea, which could get both of them fired if her relationship with the Italian comes to light. They discuss the fact that there is a mystery around the death of his father, who was protecting a sleepwalking soldier in World War I.

Cowney recounts his grandmother’s funeral. Essie holds his hand during the service. Cowney feels surprised at the depth of his uncle’s mourning: “His grief was startling. It overtook my own so that I was left to stand in awe of his shared loss with a man I felt I had never shared anything with before” (143). They bury her beside his mother and father. Two places remain in the burial plot, one for Bud and one for Cowney.

Bud says they need to make some important decisions, but Cowney does not want to talk to him. Instead, Cowney quickly packs up some clothes and Essie gets some sandwiches ready so they can head back to Asheville. Along the way, Cowney broods about the fact that his grandmother will never be present again for all the familiar things he has counted on throughout his life.