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44 pages 1 hour read

Augusten Burroughs

Dry

Nonfiction | Autobiography / Memoir | Adult | Published in 2003

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Themes

Humor as a Coping Mechanism

The adage that comedy is tragedy plus time is appropriate in Burroughs’s case. Few comedians would have a career otherwise. Emotional distance creates perspective through which we can examine past trauma through a fresh lens, and that lens for Burroughs is humor. Certainly, he is not lacking in raw material. His childhood was bizarre and abusive enough to send anyone to the therapist’s couch. With an abusive father addicted to alcohol, and a mother who abandoned Burroughs to her unethical psychiatrist when the boy was 13, Burroughs existed on the fringes; he lived in chaos and squalor, never attended school, fended for himself, and survived the abuse of a 33-year-old sexual predator who lived on the premises. The author’s stories—vividly recounted in his memoir Running With Scissors and synopsized in Dry—are grist for Burroughs’s tragic mill, and yet his tone throughout both memoirs is detached and comic. During the intervention at work where he tries to defend his indefensible behavior, his humorist’s eye can still observe his co-worker: “Rick is doing his best imitation of somebody who is not a psychopath” (21). His vision of rehab is woefully out of touch with reality. He imagines a “discrete Frank Lloyd Wright-ish compound shrouded mysteriously from public view by a tasteful wall of trimmed boxwood trees,” rooms with “firm mattresses and white, 300-count Egyptian cotton sheets,” and a diet of “small, restrained portions of their steamed local trout and seasonal field greens” (37-38). His fantasy is a deliberate setup for the disappointment to follow. While Burroughs’s disillusionment was no doubt real and visceral in the moment, he chooses to spin it into humor—following an appropriate passage of time.

Burroughs’s humor, however, also masks his very real pain in the moment. For someone with an addiction, the first few hours of sobriety can be terrifying, especially when the rehab environment does not boast “holistic” nurses wearing “tailored hemp smocks” (37). Using humor to cope with trauma is well documented. In a study from Standford’s Psychophysiology Laboratory, post doc candidate Andrea Samson argues, “If you are able to teach people to be more playful, to look at the absurdities of life as humorous, you see some increase in wellbeing” (McClure, M. “Stanford psychologists find that jokes help us cope with horrifying images.” Stanford News, 2011). Burroughs has instinctively internalized this strategy, bringing his caustic wit to the tragedies of his past abuse and to his present self-destructive behavior. The strategy not only helps Burroughs survive rehab and relapse but also makes for a distinctive reading experience.

The Common Bond of Addiction and the Healing Power of Sharing Trauma

After one of his group therapy sessions, Burroughs remarks that “AA is utterly amazing. Complete strangers getting together in rooms at all hours and saying things that are so personal, so incredibly intimate” (110). They share phone numbers, entreating each other to call anytime, night or day, if they feel their sobriety slipping. Such gestures are normally reserved for close friends and lovers, not strangers, yet the group therapy patients offer them freely and without reservation. It gives Burroughs a feeling of safety, like a romantic relationship in which he feels free to say anything. The brilliance of AA is how it utilizes the human need to find others who share a given trauma and to establish a bond based on these shared experiences, turning that bond into healing. It’s no wonder 12-step advocates urge each other to “go to meetings” constantly. The therapeutic value of simply sharing similar experiences cannot be overstated. During an AA meeting, Burroughs hears the story of Nan, a fashion editor and a rising star in the industry diagnosed with terminal cancer. Nan’s optimism and resolve to embrace “what little [life] I have left” (109) inspires him. He sees himself in her, a player from a very young age in a competitive industry but now forced to confront the addiction that threatens everything. Similarly, when his therapist Rae shares her own addiction story involving her dramatic fall from grace, Burroughs sees how quickly and completely addiction can destroy a life.

When tragedy strikes—Pighead’s death, Hayden’s departure and subsequent relapse, Foster’s destabilizing presence—Burroughs most desperately needs that community, yet he has already stopped attending meetings, finding them “depressing.” Naturally, his relapse is swift and deep. It lasts longer than his sobriety and is accompanied by a grave crack addiction. He no longer has the voices of reason, Hayden and Pighead, urging him to go to a meeting, and without those good angels on his shoulder, he is lost. It is the figurative voice of Pighead inscribed on the gold memento (as well as his own near death from alcohol poisoning) that sends Burroughs back to the community of recovery. Only the shared stories of recklessness, neglect, and ultimately hope can provide a mirror into which Burroughs can catch a glimpse of himself and of his own potential recovery. 

The Emotional Scourge of Regret

Early in the narrative, Burroughs appears incapable of remorse. His drinking threatens both his career and Greer’s; “It’s not just about you. It’s about me, too. It reflects on me. We’re a team” (15), Greer complains. In fact, Greer pointing out Burroughs’s selfishness and narcissism is a running theme, but pre-rehab, Burroughs’s response is to minimize her worries and shift the blame to her for being “rigid” and “judgmental.” He resists accepting responsibility for the damage he’s doing because it requires admitting he has a problem, which would then require taking action, and he’s not prepared to do that. Fortunately, Greer and Elenor’s intervention forces his hand.

One of the 12 steps in recovery is “making amends”—recognizing the harm your addiction has caused to those around you and seeking atonement for it, through not only words but actions. A turning point in Burroughs’s recovery comes when he writes a letter to Pighead admitting the brutal truth of his absence: “I’m killing you off now, while it’s easier” (76). Up to this point, he has never confronted his feelings about Pighead’s illness because the regret is too acute, but he discovers that letting that regret wash over him is a necessary component of his recovery. Recognizing that he is not being selfish in this regard but simply avoiding the pain of losing his best friend alleviates somewhat the sting of regret and allows him to move forward into the uncharted waters of sobriety.

Pighead’s deterioration, hospitalization, and eventual death trigger Burroughs’s relapse despite his attempts to make amends by changing his friend’s diapers and administering his medication. Once Pighead is gone, Burroughs sees his efforts as too little, too late, and he falls into a dark well of remorse and substance use. Pighead’s posthumous gift is both a lifeline and a reality check, giving Burroughs the incentive to save his own life and an acknowledgment that, despite the drinking and the “foul” behavior, his friendship and love have always been enough. 

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